Time to End This Once and For All
- Thread starter dienekes1
- Start date
Day 13
I left on a trip today for my brother’s bachelor party. Vacations like this — where I’m out of my normal environment, not abiding by my routines, and drinking — have historically led to pretty bad relapses. However, I chose not to drink (aside from having one 2.5% ABV radler) and made a point of following my normal habits. I also think that I’m at a place in my reboot where I am able to withstand any would-be triggers. Luckily, didn’t experience any real urges to PMO. Feeling pretty good, and proud of myself and my journey.
I left on a trip today for my brother’s bachelor party. Vacations like this — where I’m out of my normal environment, not abiding by my routines, and drinking — have historically led to pretty bad relapses. However, I chose not to drink (aside from having one 2.5% ABV radler) and made a point of following my normal habits. I also think that I’m at a place in my reboot where I am able to withstand any would-be triggers. Luckily, didn’t experience any real urges to PMO. Feeling pretty good, and proud of myself and my journey.
Day 20
No urges today, either. I’m hesitant to jinx myself, but it’s pretty crazy to me that I’ve only had one — and a minor one at that — urge bout since this streak began. Usually I get hit with a massive urge wave at around the two-week mark, but that didn’t happen this time. I think my brain really is healing and that my subconscious no longer views PMO as something it wants to engage in. Feels good.
No urges today, either. I’m hesitant to jinx myself, but it’s pretty crazy to me that I’ve only had one — and a minor one at that — urge bout since this streak began. Usually I get hit with a massive urge wave at around the two-week mark, but that didn’t happen this time. I think my brain really is healing and that my subconscious no longer views PMO as something it wants to engage in. Feels good.
Day 25
Had a pretty big presentation to give today, and the attendant nervousness evoked a sort of ‘whisper’ of urges. These ‘mini urges’ weren’t very strong, and were more like a weak undercurrent that was barely perceptible. Luckily, they never evolved into anything that could have triggered a relapse.
The fact that this happened makes a lot of sense, since I had used PMO as a mood-regulation ‘tool’ for over a decade. I realize now that it’s much better, in the long run, to simply be with my unpleasant emotions rather than escaping into porn and numbing myself out.
Had a pretty big presentation to give today, and the attendant nervousness evoked a sort of ‘whisper’ of urges. These ‘mini urges’ weren’t very strong, and were more like a weak undercurrent that was barely perceptible. Luckily, they never evolved into anything that could have triggered a relapse.
The fact that this happened makes a lot of sense, since I had used PMO as a mood-regulation ‘tool’ for over a decade. I realize now that it’s much better, in the long run, to simply be with my unpleasant emotions rather than escaping into porn and numbing myself out.
Day 28
No urges to report. Had a pretty important presentation to give today, which went pretty smoothly. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I feel that my public speaking skills (and my confidence in general) have gotten noticeably better since starting this journey.
No urges to report. Had a pretty important presentation to give today, which went pretty smoothly. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I feel that my public speaking skills (and my confidence in general) have gotten noticeably better since starting this journey.
Day 29
Another day without urges and another day closer to having a brain that is completely unencumbered by addiction.
One of the things that got me started on this path years ago was thinking whether I, on my deathbed, would have regretted living my life in thrall to porn. Obviously, the answer to this question was (and is) a resounding “yes.”
Life is just way too short to forfeit one’s free will to an addiction. I want my conscience and inner soul to call the shots, not some unhealthy impulse to engage in conduct that fries my brain and makes me less happy & confident.
Another day without urges and another day closer to having a brain that is completely unencumbered by addiction.
One of the things that got me started on this path years ago was thinking whether I, on my deathbed, would have regretted living my life in thrall to porn. Obviously, the answer to this question was (and is) a resounding “yes.”
Life is just way too short to forfeit one’s free will to an addiction. I want my conscience and inner soul to call the shots, not some unhealthy impulse to engage in conduct that fries my brain and makes me less happy & confident.
Blondie
Respected Member
Right on @dienekes1!
Thanks, Blondie!
Blondie
Respected Member
30 days! Right on @dienekes1.