Lykos's Journal

[Lykos]

Hey guys, you can call me Lykos. I am a 21 year old guy that lives in Canada. I have been fighting and learning about this addiction since October of 2012. The longest I have gone is just over a month on hardcore mode (no porn, masturbation, or orgasm). I started masturbating to very vivid sexual fantasies at the early age of 5. Porn, on the other hand, started when I was 13 years old. At first I became very aroused by "vanilla porn," but my tastes quickly escalated to the sickest genres out there (beastiality, transgendered, and incest to name a few). I have had a few girlfriends in the past, but I have never had sex because I am waiting for marriage.

ED seems to be a big focus for a lot of rebooters, but for me personally, I am stopping porn because it is affecting my ability to interact with others; that is to say, I have a ton of social anxiety, no confidence, I trip over my words frequently, and I can't even smile at others anymore. Essentially I feel isolated and pathetic.

Anyways, I look forward to meeting everyone on this site. Please feel free to comment or ask questions

 

[Lykos]

I have not been making a lot of progress lately  :-\  I think part of the problem is that I am not ready to let go of porn. I mean, like my first post said, I have a very uncomfortable social life; every day feels pathetic and unwelcoming. Porn has always been a way of remedying sadness and pain.

I think another major reason why I can't commit is because I am a little skeptical that life will be as amazing as everyone says it is. I got past a month and I still felt awful. Maybe I am fearful that the reward isn't worth the effort.

If you have any suggestions or comments, I'd love to hear them. Thoughts like these have been consuming me lately.

 

[Gabe Deem]

What's up Lykos,

Some comments for you...

I got past a month and I still felt awful.

It took me about 6 months before I started to see real improvements. For us younger guys, rebooting can take a loooong time. Be patient, stay hopeful.

I have been fighting and learning about this addiction since October of 2012.....The longest I have gone is just over a month

Awesome job on a month man! If you can do it once you can do it again man. My advice is to learn what your triggers are, and do your best to replace them. Also, I am glad you said "learning" as this will be a great place for you to continue to gain knowledge and understanding about this addiction and how it physiologically effects your brain. Knowing that helped me quit porn for good and I hope the same for you.

ED seems to be a big focus for a lot of rebooters, but for me personally, I am stopping porn because it is affecting my ability to interact with others

There will be plenty of rebooters who are simply breaking free from addiction, or are just on a mission of self-improvement. I personally rebooted to cure my ED, but I came out with the benefits you seek as well, you are at the right place. I am now more confident, have no social anxiety, can focus better than I ever have been able to, and have motivation to do things I need to do. So be patient and as your brain restores balance, I believe your anxiety will go away and focus will come back. However, this might take some action on your part. To become better in social situations you have to put yourself in social situations. Might be a brutal process, but I promise you it will be worth it. Just don't over think things, and learn from mistakes. Just a process of life.

I trip over my words frequently

Something that helped me... write groups of sentences you might actually say in a conversation... then record you say them on a video camera. Build up to a speech over time.  Might sound weird lol but just throwing it out there...

Essentially I feel isolated and pathetic.

Not sure if you already do this... but try getting a membership at a gym and become a regular. It is really easy to make buddies at a gym because you always have a topic to talk about and if you go at the same time a lot could develop workout partners. It's a win win because you will become healthier and more confident too.

Welcome to the forum man... we are all in this together and I hope the best for you

Much love

I am a 21 year old guy that lives in Canada.

PS.. A popular current affairs show in Canada is going to do a show on porn-induced ED and this website might be featured on it! I'll let you know when it airs.

 

[Lykos]

Hey Gabe. I gotta say, this is a fantastic site! Thanks for setting it up. I made those changes to my first post like you suggested; don't be too shocked by what you read

When you said that it took 6 months, was that just for ED, or was that for personality/social changes as well?

After a month, cravings went down significantly. I do hope to end up at that stage again. To be honest, the only reason why I relapsed that day was because I mindlessly decided to adjust  : haha

Y'know, when I first discovered Gary's site, I was absolutely thrilled with what I read. The idea of gaining confidence and lower anxiety was amazing. But after focusing on these benefits for so long, it is like their appeal has gone away. I simply cannot find the motivation that I used to have.

That suggestion doesn't sound too weird (but then again, I am weird). In fact, it sounds like something I might just try!

I tried the gym for a while, which did help my reboot a little bit, but I don't enjoy the process. Instead of hitting the gym I walk thousands of steps everyday. I find this to be really enjoyable since it allows me to be in nature and to practice my mindfulness at the same time!

Sweet, thanks man. I am really impressed with how much awareness is starting to be spread about porn addiction. I have told a few of my friends too. Not all of them buy it, but I got a couple of people that are now as committed as I am.

Thanks for commenting man. I appreciate the support

 

[shake19]

Hi Lykos,

I am 23 (actually close to 24 ) and I feel bad that I didn't stop an addiction when I was your age (e.g. 2 years ago). I really encourage you to make yourself free of porn so you will have more time in your life which will be much more beautiful than that time with porn.

And as you made it for 1 month, you are able to do it for much longer and finally to break free of an addiction. Sadly, my record is only about 3 weeks but with this forum I have a great hope to make it and to forget about porn for the rest of my life.

I've read your posts and I saw kind of a question "is it worth it?" as you wrote "I made it for month, but I still felt pathetic etc.". But then I saw that you silently answered yourself by "The idea of gaining confidence and lower anxiety was amazing. But after focusing on these benefits for so long, it is like their appeal has gone away."

You shouldn't focus so much at these benefits as you don't know when they will appear. Actually these benefits may be very different for all of us and as we talk about our minds it's usually not so evident to see the results. The important thing is to be sure that it will help you, no matter how much time you need. I won't write down all of benefits that are to gain - I guess that you've read much about it - I just show you myself and show you that I am sure that benefits are reachable and you only need to break an addiction. You should feel lucky that you came to this forum being so young, you have a whole life ahead of you.

I wish you to stay strong with not watching P and than after all to see how beautiful can life be.

 

[tkn0]

Hey man, welcome.
I can relate to so much you are saying.
Having a hard time smiling, feeling isolated.
Sounds just like me sometimes...

I can understand the feeling of not being able to let go of porn, it has been the same for me as with you. Its a medication for pain.
I think you need to be very clear about your goals, you say you want to get married, maybe you will never meet the women of your dreams when your view of women is so distorted by pornography? thats the way it has been for me... I only saw body parts, not humans. If you are having a hard time stop looking at porn, check out my topic on fltering in the forum channel called "porn addiction"

As Gabe suggests, go to the gym, get a membership. If you have not tried it, try doing free weights. Mainly squats, deadlift and benchpress.
Benchpress and squats are great for socializing, just go to some random dude(or girl ) that looks nice and social, and ask them to spot you when you are doing heavier weights. There is something special that happens here, you put so much trust into the other person to help you not getting injured, and they feel a deep responsiblity for your safety. I think this automatically builds some sort of mental bond.

Try it!

Other options are, go to the library, grab a book, and just sit down and read it. Just being outside your house and becoming comfortable in your own skin outside your comfort zone will boost your view of yourself greatly!
Try reading some psychology books, about self esteem, picking up girls, how to boost your memory. Any personal development books that sound interesting to you.

If you need any help, just send a PM or ask here, I will try to support you as much as possible.

Much love bro, have a great day

 

[Captain_Diomedes]

So, everything going on track, Lykos?