Ready for the fog to lift

[42&Hopeful]

Day 3

The week wrapped-up swimmingly. Some items remain on my to-do list, but overall I am happy with things heading into the weekend.

I am on day three following a relapse that left me feeling insecure and unmotivated. That is starting to change. It began looking brighter yesterday and, today, things are starting to appear downright sunny.

I have a long road ahead of me. I don't want this to happen again. This particular rebound has not been a ton of fun.

I agree. Balance is key. Thanks for that, @TakeActionNow! I will strive for finding an equilibrium between work/life, and for me, that will involve better planning, better time management, and being honest about how much I am capable of doing (i.e., learning to say no).

I'm feeling confident heading into the weekend, and I feel confident about the weekend, in genera. We have fun stuff planned. I am looking forward to it!

Thanks for reading!

 

[42&Hopeful]

Day 4

Today has been a fantastic day, spent with great people, doing fun things. It's been meaningful and it has felt great to be connected with such wonderful people. I am grateful for today.

Thanks for reading!

 

[42&Hopeful]

Day 5

Great day! But I will say this: this evening, after our guests left, I struggled. I thought for sure I was going to relapse and I was starting to go through the thought process that typically leads to me justifying a PMO session. But I didn't. Instead, I recalled what many of you have said in this forum: find ways to distract yourself when you're feeling tired - hot bath, good tv show, etc. I chose to lie on the couch and watch tv with my wife. It was wonderful! When feeling this way on Sunday evening, I have rarely, if ever, been able to pull myself out of the loop.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you!! This is my win! But I did it with your support!

Thanks for reading!

 

[42&Hopeful]

Sorry for the silence! I have been sick and, I learned, a weakened body is not a plus when it comes to attempting to quit PMO. I am just coming out of it and I will send a longer update soon - there's a lot for me to unpack here, in this supportive environment.

Thanks for reading!

 

[TakeActionNow]

Good effort @42&Hopeful !

I'd like to add, gratitude is everything.
Learn to be grateful for everything
Gratitude means recognizing and receiving.
To receive means to have.

What happens the more we have?
We become happier
And we need less

So be grateful for everything.
Having guests
Having rest
Time with wife
Time at home
Time on couch
Time on this forum
Time journalling
Time reading.

All good, ready and free sources of gratitude.

You got this!

 

[42&Hopeful]

Day 1-4 (today is day 4)

Update: Last year, I began researching adult circumcision. I was not circumcised as a child. Other members of my family were. My parents don't talk about it and I don't bring it up, but I have come to understand that I may have had an infection in the penis area that could have complicated the procedure. That, and, by then, the general attitude towards circumcision was starting to sway in favour of keeping babies intact.

I was always insecure about my penis. I was not taught how to clean it properly. It felt dirty to me. And, while I wasn't teased, personally, the boys around me would often joke about how gross uncircumcised dicks are.

My frenulum is tight. Not so tight that it qualifies as a medical issue, but tight enough that I experience discomfort during sex. My foreskin could pull over my glans, but not easily.

In 2022, I booked an appointment to get circumcised, but I had to cancel it as it coincided with a very busy time of year for me. I wouldn't be able to take the needed rest days following the procedure.

This year, and notably, now, I had a chunk of time where the only thing keeping me busy is office work. I rescheduled and had it done about four days ago.

I am no longer in a lot of pain, but I will not be able to have sex or masturbate for another five weeks or so. And, the involuntary night erections I have been getting, hurt a lot.

So, PMO will not be an option for me for a while.

This is a tricky scenario for me. On the one hand, I am grateful for the opportunity for the forced reboot, but I am wary of the fact that if I don't take this time to develop new, healthier routines, I run the risk of falling into old ways as soon as I am able. All of this, coupled with the excitement of test driving life as someone with newfound confidence in his anatomy.

These are the thoughts swirling in my head as I embark on this journey.

I want to make the most of this forced reboot time. Perhaps, just in having to refrain, things will start to become clear for me. After all, it's been a while since I have gone past day eight. I'm excited and nervous.

Thanks for reading!

 

[Androg]

A chance to reset your brain (time out) can be a big gift. That said, as you mentioned, you may still have the "mental habit" when you heal unless you get clear now that porn is a behavior you have left behind for good. Your call.

 

[42&Hopeful]

Day 11

I am still in the throes of recovery, so PMO is still not an option. I feel it. I feel the pangs of withdrawal. It's quite existential. As in, who am I coming out of this? I don't really know who I am outside of this addiction. When it's all systems go down there, will I have the strength to continue refraining?

Amid all of this, I am feeling good. On the surgery side of things (adult circumcision), I am starting to feel a lot less pain and I have recently resumed being able to sleep through the night.

This won't be easy. I am consumed by thoughts related to my penis. I can feel it constantly. It's always on my mind. If I move to abruptly, it hurts. If I have to pee, it hurts. It's bandaged, and will be for the next few weeks. It requires constant care. And then I am consumed by thoughts about how sex will improve as a result of the surgery. Apparently, aesthetics, too. My PMO self is excited about the possibilities, and the part of my that is trying to quit is desperately searching for a foundation.

Thanks for reading!