Journal #4

Kraken

Well-Known Member
Happy to have you here in the community Nick! I was in a similar situation to yourself with an unhealthy porn habit and super limited sexual experience and it was mentally super difficult because I wondered if I would even be able to have sex and I felt pretty off track.

In my experience, journaling made the difference. I journaled every day during my reboot and near the end of my reboot I was able to put myself out there more and eventually ended up having a lot of sex and am even engaged now. It took some time but was well worth the effort. I started my journal reboot three and a half years ago when I was two years older than you are now.

Before journaling on here, I would think in my head that porn wasn’t a healthy for me but that didn’t really do anything, just made me upset at myself. There are many other things that made a difference for me but a reboot was an excellent place to start.

If I could offer my two cents from my experience, try not to blame yourself for not having a girlfriend yet or put too much negativity on yourself. Odds are there are more than one factors that were out of your control growing up that created some big challenges. But you are here now and you can really achieve whatever you set your mind to.

Have you thought about what type of girlfriend you are looking for?

Kraken
 

Kraken

Well-Known Member
I'm aware of many other factors that also contributed to this intimacy starvation, and I'm also aware of how various forms of self-improvement can weaken them. Admittedly, a lot of these factors were in my control moreso than out.

I take potential compatibility into consideration before deciding whether or not to start talking to someone. I'm fairly open-minded, and I'm able to notice beauty that appeals to myself in a wide array of women, so fortunately it's fairly easy for me to encounter women who I'm interested in.

Thanks for the warm welcome Kraken. I'd like to say that I'll be writing a new entry every day like you did, but breaking my word was a major issue in my last journal, so I'd rather not put myself and the readers into that sort of position again.
That’s great, you sound very mature and open minded when it comes to the type of women you interested in dating. Yeah I wouldn’t put undue pressure on yourself to journal every day, just an intention. From my own experience, being hard on myself was really unhelpful.
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Definitely check out an online 12-step or other recovery program. You need accountability helpers.

You can do it!
 

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
Relapses happen NickC, especially early in your recovery. Take the opportunity to figure out why you relapsed: what was happening? What were the triggers? What could you do differently next time? What obstacles can you put up between you and porn? I've done all of these things myself, and in time your defenses will get stronger.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Neurotransmitter burnout from excessive pleasure leads to lower than baseline dopamine levels which directly causes low motivation, depression and generalized negativity.

I was negative, critical and dejected all my life until I quit.

If you feel recovery is important, then you must journal.
Journal is only about 2 things:
1. Reflecting your days to find answers
2. Reviewing your days to find success

Never focus on how bad things are, how shitty they will turnout, how hopeless things will become. Make journal pleasurable by writing about happy stuff. Journal your progress and chart your life forward!

Don't hope for a road test pass.
Make sure you pass by practice practice practice.

Don't make her a stressful target. Make her a friend first. Before you think if you're good enough for her, find out if she's good enough for you. Don't want to put you down but I've met and went out with an absolutely beauty while in my driving school who turned out to be an absolute narcissist. Go figure out if she's a great person first before you commit yourself.

Anyway I think you'd do great. Have faith in yourself. I believe in you!
 
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