For a life worth living

AJ7

Active Member
Day 1:

Male: 29

As you all can probably relate, this thing has been a parasite that has consumed most of my life. My emotional state has consisted of short fleeting moments of pleasure followed by a constant cloud of dissatisfaction. I really feel like I’ve never been able to connect with anybody and have had to “fake” my way through life and just go through the motions. I discovered rebooting a couple years ago and have had some success. Starting off I went over 50 days no pmo. And for the first time. I had a spark in me that I had never felt before.. motivation, confidence and the desire to actually be around others. I know in large part that this is what happens when the precious dopamine we have in our brains isn’t wasted on pmo.. but it seems that every time I get a streak going, I crumble when a strong emotion hits me. I do believe change is possible and I’m tired of trying to do this thing on my own. You guys seem very supportive and I would love to give and receive encouragement and motivation. Thanks for reading and good luck on your journey.
 
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Winnerwhoabstains

Active Member
Way to go! Posting is a good step to build some increased support and momentum.

So - it is good that you know that strong emotions are often what gets you - so having a plan well in advance, for when you have a strong emotion could be helpful. AND you could also practice the plan or a version of it on medium and weak emotions to build up that muscle so it is easier to do ( still not easy) when the strong emotion hits.
 

AJ7

Active Member
Way to go! Posting is a good step to build some increased support and momentum.

So - it is good that you know that strong emotions are often what gets you - so having a plan well in advance, for when you have a strong emotion could be helpful. AND you could also practice the plan or a version of it on medium and weak emotions to build up that muscle so it is easier to do ( still not easy) when the strong emotion hits.
Thank you @Winnerwhoabstains
That’s good advice and makes total sense. I haven’t given much thought to utilizing coping strategies on those smaller emotions but I bet it would build the muscle for when I really need them. Appreciate man! 🙏 I’ll game plan on ways I can do that
 

AJ7

Active Member
Day 2
no pmo

Feels like I’m on the right path. I have to stay vigilant and disciplined and not minimize the pain felt from relapsing. I woke up well before my wife this morning and that is usually a time I act out on the weekends. My creativity and peak mental energy occurs in the morning and it’s so easy to waste that and just be spent for the day. Instead I focused on meditating and prepped for a work presentation and got some tax stuff squared away. Felt like today was a win. Hope you guys are killin it.
 

TypeN

Active Member
Welcome to the forum man, definitely sounds like you're in the right place. What you said here stuck out to me, because it's something that challenges me greatly too:

.. but it seems that every time I get a streak going, I crumble when a strong emotion hits me.

At least speaking from my experience, I think this is indicative of a very important part of the healing process: learning to manage emotions with something other than porn. Years of porn use has wired us to associate porn consumption so, so strongly with our stress response patterns. So I think if we are not actively building emotional and behavioral tools to manage stress throughout our periods of abstinence, then even if we abstain from porn for a long time we will be very weak during tough moments. Although we have stopped using porn, we have not really taught our brain an alternative way to respond to stress. And so all the old "porn pathways" fire up instead.

I think early on here I focused on recovery in terms of the positive things it was passively giving me, and not so much how I needed to prepare for when the going got tough, and that contributed to multiple relapses. Maybe since you are already aware of this problem you will not stumble so much as that. But on that note, like @Winnerwhoabstains was saying, you could ask yourself what tools or habits might help you: for example, journalling, meditation, exercise, being in nature, etc.? And then start practicing those activities before life hits you with big challenges.

Just something to consider. Anyhow, wishing you well with this. 🙏
 

AJ7

Active Member
Welcome to the forum man, definitely sounds like you're in the right place. What you said here stuck out to me, because it's something that challenges me greatly too:



At least speaking from my experience, I think this is indicative of a very important part of the healing process: learning to manage emotions with something other than porn. Years of porn use has wired us to associate porn consumption so, so strongly with our stress response patterns. So I think if we are not actively building emotional and behavioral tools to manage stress throughout our periods of abstinence, then even if we abstain from porn for a long time we will be very weak during tough moments. Although we have stopped using porn, we have not really taught our brain an alternative way to respond to stress. And so all the old "porn pathways" fire up instead.

I think early on here I focused on recovery in terms of the positive things it was passively giving me, and not so much how I needed to prepare for when the going got tough, and that contributed to multiple relapses. Maybe since you are already aware of this problem you will not stumble so much as that. But on that note, like @Winnerwhoabstains was saying, you could ask yourself what tools or habits might help you: for example, journalling, meditation, exercise, being in nature, etc.? And then start practicing those activities before life hits you with big challenges.

Just something to consider. Anyhow, wishing you well with this. 🙏
Very eloquently put man. Stress and anxiety are when I feel most vulnerable and when it builds up I want to escape to pmo to alleviate that feeling. Although it’s just a bandaid and compounds the issue. I will definitely be working on ways to build up my emotional fortitude 💪
 

AJ7

Active Member
Day 3
no pmo

Pretty good day overall. Got a good lift in which hasn’t happened for awhile.. now that the NFL season is over (which consumed an embarrassing amount of my time lol) I can focus my priorities back to where they need to be such as exercise and rebooting. My goal is to bulk up and pack on some muscle. Never been a big eater but I think laying off the nicotine pouches and doing some food prep will help! Also carving out some time to read the book Atomic Habits.
 

AJ7

Active Member
Day 4
No pmo

Today started great! was sharp minded and motivated, calm and relaxed and felt like I couldn’t be bothered by much. Quickly that changed after lunch though. I typically have a dip in my energy and emotional state after lunch but today seemed to hit hard. Maybe in part due to some nicotine withdrawals. Started to find the slightest reasons to get pissed off but didn’t let it consum me, focused on relaxing my shoulders and taking deep belly breaths and that seemed to help out. No real urges to watch porn thankfully. Just have to stay hyper vigilant because I know it will rear it’s ugly head. Hope you all are having a successful day!
 

AJ7

Active Member
Day 5

Completed my work presentation today and so dang relieved about it.. I’m an introverted guy so it’s definitely a big relief to get those presentations over with. I have them biweekly and my goal is to become more confident with them and really “bring the juice”

I know that the longer I stay away from this stuff the more confident I will become and the more energy I’ll be able to put into public speaking and social interactions in general.

doing alright when it comes to rebooting. noticed my brain trying to spin up some fantasies but I wasn’t leaning into that bullshit.

Excited about this journey and appreciate you guys and positive actions you all are taking! 🤟
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Another introvert here, nice! I do think that the further you get along with this journey, much of that stuff (as you rightly pointed out) will get easier. It just comes with the territory of feeling more confident and not repeatedly doing something you hate deep inside.

Can't wait to watch your journey @AJ7

Keep it up!
 

AJ7

Active Member
Day 7

Feeling some urges creeping up. Usually happens closer to the weekend when I’m wanting to unwind and relax after a busy work week. Also, I know my spouse will be out with friends one night this weekend so my addict side is a little restless.

Going to reach out to some friends and try to get out of the house on Saturday.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
You got this @AJ7. Way to be self-reflecting about this and seeing what could happen if you're not careful. These engrained habits take time to fade out, and it's something you have to accept as a fact for this whole process. I was just thinking about this the other day, because I had realized that I haven't had a thought like yours in a good while, though I use to get them all the time. For example, whenever my girlfriend would go to her parents on the weekend, I would instantly get that thought, "Hey, now I can have 'fun' and she'll never know!" I've even had that thought past a year, so not too long ago. Now, my thought is usually, "Wow, I haven't HAD a thought like that in a while!". This too shall pass. Just push through, even within a few months it becomes considerably easier.

Keep busy with life and you won't have to worry about this weekend. Reaching out to friends is definitely the way to go.

Best to you man. (y)
 

AJ7

Active Member
Thank you for the encouragement brother @Blondie. It’s nice to know that eventually the tempting thought’s will fade. I will stay busy and have a plan! I’m sure I will trust myself more and more once I rack up a few wins when it comes to finding alternatives to pmo’ing during these vulnerable times. Just gotta keep tellin the mind this shits not an option. 👌
 

AJ7

Active Member
Day 8

thank you @Clouds&Dirt 🙏🙏

amor fati - love of fate

When we were young we didn’t think “I’m gonna be a porn addict when I grow up! 😃

and yet here we are. It has infiltrated and shaped almost every aspect of our lives.

I think it’s so easy to say “why me?” Why did my childhood experience lead me to form this addiction.. why did this person wrong me.. why did this terrible thing happen to me. Etc.

but the stoics teach amor fati which means accepting fate. I think it means letting go of resentment towards life that can accumulate through all the shitty things that happen to us. It allows us to let go of negativity and a victim mindset. Maybe most importantly it allows us to grow and look forward.

I’m glad fate led me this group and meeting and learning from you guys 🙏
 
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