Good morning

Androg: Thank you :)

This is Day Two

This week, I will be all right. I work a lot from home. So children off to school and wife off to work, go figure... Anyway, oldest daughter is on winter-vacation this week - so she's home a lot of the time. Cravings are toughest when I actually have the possibility to act out. That's obviously not the case with my daughter in the house, thus cravings are much less.. But then I know for sure, that cravings next week will be only harder.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Begin your recovery by actively seeking out other things to be happy and proud about. I don't know your root cause for PMO but I know that it's an addiction to pleasure and social connection and unless we find healthy and sustainable good feelings elsewhere, PMO is the only recourse we have and relapse will happen.

So start your recovery by starting your replacements!
 
TakeActionNow -> thanks a lot for your reply. I appreciate it. And yes, I try all the best I can.

This is Day 4.
Yesterday was quite tough.... I spent the whole day with my family - but my thougts were on relapsing. I did not...
At night I and wife had s... that would not have been possible if I had relapsed.
Today is much easier - even though I'm alone in the house..

Do I want to relapse?! Yes, of couse I do. I am addicted....
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
The chaser cravings are normal, but giving into them just risks a downward spiral. Stay strong!
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
TakeActionNow -> thanks a lot for your reply. I appreciate it. And yes, I try all the best I can.

This is Day 4.
Yesterday was quite tough.... I spent the whole day with my family - but my thougts were on relapsing. I did not...
At night I and wife had s... that would not have been possible if I had relapsed.
Today is much easier - even though I'm alone in the house..

Do I want to relapse?! Yes, of couse I do. I am addicted....


Addiction promotes negativity as low dopamine periods are depressive.

Learn to focus on good things instead of the bad, and be appreciative and grateful.

Time spent w family. Good
Intimacy w the wife. Good
Some personal alone time. Good

Happiness is a learned ability to be aware and accumulate good things in life.

Take care!
 
Today is day 6
Last night I went to the theater with wife. I had so bad cravings while we watched the play... We had s... when we came home at night.

This morning started much better. But then out the blue wife decided to go for a LONG walk (like 7 hours), while I had to work for maybe two hours. Good for her... but the cravings stroke me sooo hard, because I unexpectedly got something like 5 hours alone in the house, that I did not prepare for. So this day is going to be tough. But I will stand against it. I WILL.

You can't ever get enough of what won't satisfy you....
Take care everyone.
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
That chaser can be very demanding. But stay strong so you are back in equilibrium in the shortest time possible.
 
Thank you, Androg.

good morning. This is day 7
I am quite proud of myself: I did NOT relapse yesterday, but damn.... it was a tough day.
Cravings keep hunting me this morning. But I think today will be easier. My family will be around in the house...
I am a musician, and I do spend A LOT of time of practicing these day. It gives me great joy - indeed a worthy substitution for something thas is NOT really a joy in the long run.

We have two groups of guys here: One group can stand the pain and the cravings. The other group can not. Which group do I want to be in?

All the best.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Hang in there
1 week soon becomes 2
And then 2 becomes 4
And on and on we go until all that remains are sunny days and green fields.
The longer you hold out, the easier it gets.
You can do this.
 
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TakAction -> You are absolutely right. Unfortunately, your words are only true for those who can stand the cravings.

Sunday and Monday were so bad, speaking of cravings. I actually ended up MO in shower Sunday afternoon. Not too proud about it, but not too worried either... But dumb it was, as the chaser effect gets much worse after...

But... No P... and this is day 9. The sun is shining. And today has been easier than the previous two days.

I just realized from now and untill August will be SO busy for me, work-wise - so I really DO need to stay clean, to have my concentration and ability to get things done at their best levels. I guess, being busy (with great and enjoyable work-tasks) is actually one of the best ways to stay cleaen.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
@chat-addict
We are/were all in the whirlpool of addiction. But the only guys who swam out and not get sucked back in are the ones who swam the hardest, longest and didn't look back.

You gotta want it, and you gotta want it bad, more than you want to feel good.
Only then can you be freed.

I want you to be free.

It's hardly ever a straight swim out.
We all stumble. We all lose our way sometimes.
But if you keep at it, one day you'd find that you've swam so far out that the pull of the whirl is not that great anymore, and that's when you know, you're on to the next better part of your journey, where you're not just paddling but also appreciating, on a river that'll carry you to better and better places.

You can do this.
 
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TakeA -> I like the picture of the whirlpool, thank you :)

Today is day 10. Yesterday, I DID have cravings but not nearly as bad. I think today will be pretty good.

If you could do whatever you want, be whoever you want, have whatever you want, what would you choose? Would you choose to sit alone in a room, looking at a computer screen with pants down???
 
Day 11.

Know your triggers, and be prepared for them.

Yesterday something happened at work that changed my plans for today quite a bit. I now have the possibilty to stay home until about 2 pm. That unexpected situation was a huge trigger: Wauvvv. Tomorrow morning is all free in my schedule - I could really "have a good time".

Well, already 11 days towards freedom I am more capable of saying 'no'. I am going to stay clean today. I am going to spend my time well.

Have a great day everybody!
 
Day 12
Pretty bad cravings this morning. I am quite certain, that I would totally relapse if I could.

Headache, tired, no motivation, I just wanne do THAT.

I have installed blockers on all my devices, so it's not really possible. And even though I'm quite good at bypassing that sort of things, I've finally come up with a solution, that is seemingly impossible to bypass, unless I drive my car to work to fetch the passcode for the blocker. But I have willpower enough NOT to do that. But damn... if I had access to the s.... here and now, I would stumble down that road...

I AM NOT GOING TO RELAPSE TODAY
I AM NOT GOING TO RELAPSE TODAY
I AM NOT GOING TO RELAPSE TODAY
I AM NOT GOING TO RELAPSE TODAY
 
Day 13

Yesterday was HELL, but I managed to stay on the path.
Obiously, I DO want to get out of this addiction. Otherwise I would not be here on RebootNation, I would not have put blockers on all my internet-devices and I would not be re-readig YBOP, as I am currently doing.

But yesterday. I did NOT want to be clean. I wanted to RELAPSE all the way down to the deepest black hole. I wanted to BINGE, I wanted to edge for hours. I tried to tell myself how bad I would feel afterwards. I didn't care - I only wanted to "GO THERE". Only the blockers prevented me from doing so. If it weren't for there would have been nothing to hold me back.

Today is much better. I don't really have any cravings.
So.. do I feel happy that I am still on the path? Well, I feel actually kind of numb. I'm neither happy nor sad. I'm kind of tired and without too much energy - but not in the "I just relapsed-kind-of-style", more like "I just don't care". I guess this is normal.. And I am having quite a big of a headache - yesterday as well as today.
 
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