well after all months of trying to quit and failing , each time falling deeper down than what I've climbed here i am .
Here is some background info on how i ended up with porn.
coming from a underdeveloped rural spot in a developing country i had a chance to experience porn in different forms, starting from the
it started from the magazines i got from my school seniors, i lived in a hostel most of the time , my first one was when i was about 13 or so. a few magazines now and then , they were never a problem , i actually went for another two years without any of those and didnt even notice.
then a few years ago when covid -19 came into the picture. i was stuck at home with an access to computer and high speed internet , the internet was provided by my family so that i could carry on my studies,
i started watching tube sites in the first half of 2020 , got hooked within weeks. I had a lot of time to spare and didn't had the mood to do anything else , so all i did was binge watch porn sites.
There were times when I would plan the entire day so I could get enough time to watch porn, I even had a to-do list of porn videos whose thumbnails i found interesting and I really had to watch them some other time.
the situation improved when I first joined college, the start of my college was in an online mode, it gave me something to distract myself and some new friends made me occupied, although it was virtual it was better than just an empty screen.
well since then I have been trying to get rid of porn, it's been like 2 years and I always keep falling back
nowadays I don't watch much I just open up a tube site just scroll through the videos and watch any random one to just fap.
sometimes I don't even watch the video, I just look at the thumbnails I used to fap on it.
I decided to write this journal a couple of weeks ago but I wanted to be sure that I would be able to complete this reboot, I lacked the confidence and I needed that so badly. So I decided that I would only start writing if I could keep a streak of at least a week,
I got a 6 day streek which is my PR to date, and something I noticed during these days is that whenever I get an urge to fap, writing (journaling) helped me calm down
here are a few things that I wrote last week, it's just me craving some porn ...
I feel the urge to open any porn website and watch something, can feel the anxiety levels rising from the morning, and the pressure of exams also adds to the list. even small things that I would have rather ignored are getting on my nerves now. I have kept my cool and resisted till now, anyway I need to put one more line on that mirror. that activity in the morning feels so good. marking one more day of success and after that when you look up you see yourself smiling in the mirror, a natural involuntary smile, that smile, and feel is worth the torture.
The last day was absolute hell, it's just been day 3 and I never thought this would be this hard . the urge is very high. I have a test this afternoon and when i sit to study all i think about is opening an incognito window
I have a huge me size mirror I'm my dorm room, each day I complete without fapping I would draw a mark on the mirror, just an easy way to see my progress every day. i hope to get atleat 10 weeks before I'm sure that i have quitted porn.
so here begins reboot
let there be light
Here is some background info on how i ended up with porn.
coming from a underdeveloped rural spot in a developing country i had a chance to experience porn in different forms, starting from the
it started from the magazines i got from my school seniors, i lived in a hostel most of the time , my first one was when i was about 13 or so. a few magazines now and then , they were never a problem , i actually went for another two years without any of those and didnt even notice.
then a few years ago when covid -19 came into the picture. i was stuck at home with an access to computer and high speed internet , the internet was provided by my family so that i could carry on my studies,
i started watching tube sites in the first half of 2020 , got hooked within weeks. I had a lot of time to spare and didn't had the mood to do anything else , so all i did was binge watch porn sites.
There were times when I would plan the entire day so I could get enough time to watch porn, I even had a to-do list of porn videos whose thumbnails i found interesting and I really had to watch them some other time.
the situation improved when I first joined college, the start of my college was in an online mode, it gave me something to distract myself and some new friends made me occupied, although it was virtual it was better than just an empty screen.
well since then I have been trying to get rid of porn, it's been like 2 years and I always keep falling back
nowadays I don't watch much I just open up a tube site just scroll through the videos and watch any random one to just fap.
sometimes I don't even watch the video, I just look at the thumbnails I used to fap on it.
I decided to write this journal a couple of weeks ago but I wanted to be sure that I would be able to complete this reboot, I lacked the confidence and I needed that so badly. So I decided that I would only start writing if I could keep a streak of at least a week,
I got a 6 day streek which is my PR to date, and something I noticed during these days is that whenever I get an urge to fap, writing (journaling) helped me calm down
here are a few things that I wrote last week, it's just me craving some porn ...
I feel the urge to open any porn website and watch something, can feel the anxiety levels rising from the morning, and the pressure of exams also adds to the list. even small things that I would have rather ignored are getting on my nerves now. I have kept my cool and resisted till now, anyway I need to put one more line on that mirror. that activity in the morning feels so good. marking one more day of success and after that when you look up you see yourself smiling in the mirror, a natural involuntary smile, that smile, and feel is worth the torture.
The last day was absolute hell, it's just been day 3 and I never thought this would be this hard . the urge is very high. I have a test this afternoon and when i sit to study all i think about is opening an incognito window
I have a huge me size mirror I'm my dorm room, each day I complete without fapping I would draw a mark on the mirror, just an easy way to see my progress every day. i hope to get atleat 10 weeks before I'm sure that i have quitted porn.
so here begins reboot
let there be light