I'm 24, and I'm scared

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Andrew Wiggin

Member
Day 4

Yesterday something weird happened. I got very angry at school with a teacher and some classmates over a cancelation of classes with very little time of warning. I don't live close by the school so it felt like a waste of time.

When I went back home I still could feel the anger in my limbs, and somehow I felt urges; I don't know, maybe it was my body remembering that in the past I have used stressfull situations as pretexts to go back to porn.

I was able to do something else, and homework and get all that out of my head; but the idea was there. I'm glad I was able to notice it.
I just wanted to have a record of the fact, and maybe ask if someone has had that or something similar happen to them.

Meanwhile, still in the fight.

Have a great day.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Andrew Wiggin said:
Day 4

Yesterday something weird happened. I got very angry at school with a teacher and some classmates over a cancelation of classes with very little time of warning. I don't live close by the school so it felt like a waste of time.

When I went back home I still could feel the anger in my limbs, and somehow I felt urges; I don't know, maybe it was my body remembering that in the past I have used stressfull situations as pretexts to go back to porn.

I was able to do something else, and homework and get all that out of my head; but the idea was there. I'm glad I was able to notice it.
I just wanted to have a record of the fact, and maybe ask if someone has had that or something similar happen to them.

Meanwhile, still in the fight.

Have a great day.
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Absolutely. PMO becomes medication. Or, how I like to describe it, a "break". PMO (and alcohol) were breaks for me. Pleasure and sedation put the suffering and discomfort on a pause for a while. They are a distraction. Had a shit day at college? Go home and PMO to "take a break" from that bad feeling. A girl rejected me? Go home and PMO. Or get something to drink on the way home, PMO then drink. With time, almost every day was shit for me and not because they were, but because I reached a point in which I depended on PMO (and alcohol too although I didn't drink every day, PMO was every day), to regulate my mood. I was no longer able to deal with my day to day life in a good way so I relied on that sedative feeling of dopamine released at the thought that I could always go home and jerk off to porn for a break, or a "reward" for enduring a "shit day". Then alcohol started to happen on more than Saturday night. Before I knew, I was PMOing and edging every day and drinking 4 times a week. So yes, those things become your anti-depressant. They are, ultimately, drugs. They alter your mood. That's why there is no point in going back to that shit.
 
A

Andrew Wiggin

Member
Escapeandnevercomeback said:
Absolutely. PMO becomes medication. Or, how I like to describe it, a "break". PMO (and alcohol) were breaks for me. Pleasure and sedation put the suffering and discomfort on a pause for a while. They are a distraction. Had a shit day at college? Go home and PMO to "take a break" from that bad feeling. A girl rejected me? Go home and PMO. Or get something to drink on the way home, PMO then drink. With time, almost every day was shit for me and not because they were, but because I reached a point in which I depended on PMO (and alcohol too although I didn't drink every day, PMO was every day), to regulate my mood. I was no longer able to deal with my day to day life in a good way so I relied on that sedative feeling of dopamine released at the thought that I could always go home and jerk off to porn for a break, or a "reward" for enduring a "shit day". Then alcohol started to happen on more than Saturday night. Before I knew, I was PMOing and edging every day and drinking 4 times a week. So yes, those things become your anti-depressant. They are, ultimately, drugs. They alter your mood. That's why there is no point in going back to that shit.
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This is very insightful. Thank you.
And yes, you are totally correct, it makes us act like adicts, unnecesary and harmful things that we trick ourselves into conviction that they are actually necessary.
 
Daybyday1988

Daybyday1988

Active Member
If you really want to break free from this I would adamantly suggest you remove your capability to access porn, as sheer willpower simply isn't enough for most of us due to the weakened prefeonta cortex that the addiction has caused.

You can do this by getting a good blocking and accountability software like Covenant Eyes, or destroying/removing your internet accessibile devices.

It sounds drastic but drastic times call for drastic measures. It took me nearly 15 years to get a 120 day streak going and I've still got I would say t least a year before I'm even close to back to normal. Don't make the same mistake I did
 
A

Andrew Wiggin

Member
PMOed yesterday.
I slipped back into my bad habits of time wasting and went into HBO, which is a big temptation for me. That brought my defense down.
I know these things happen, and I won't let it discourage me.

I have a question. Don't you guys think that keeping track of your day streak can be somewhat counteractive, meaning, don't you think it can lead you to put your attention on the streak instead of on the actual goal of taking back the reins of your life? At least that's how it felt to me at times, although I know it is encouraging for others, to see their progress.
To me, it's more like a knock out, BAM! KO! like life telling me: "You're back to zero, sucker!"
Idk. It's just how I felt.

But here I am, on Good Friday, ready to start again!
 
Androg

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
If you are the type who cares about your "score" for its own sake, then counting can be a problem...especially if you use a reset as an excuse to binge. "One day at a time" suggests that scores don't matter...only each day does. That said, men typically like measuring their performance in many ways, so it works fine for most.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey @Andrew Wiggin.

That's a good question. To me it's a yes and no. On one hand your streak number is important, because it does show you where you stand, but only partially. On the other hand, it's good to look at this in a more holistic sense and see your progress on the long term. I officially quit porn almost five years ago, however, I've had a little less than a month's worth of relapses since then. My current streak is past a year and a half now, and I plan on never going back to the filth. Thus, it's important to realize that a relapse doesn't set you back to square one. If I relapsed tomorrow, I'm not the same man I was five years ago, and that's a vital distinction that must be drawn. Personally for me though, counting my current streak does give me great motivation and happiness. Both numbers are important.

I hope that helps.

Best
 
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