From Day 179 back to 0

Galatians51

Active Member
Day 0

Well this is a really big bummer. I just reset my streak from 179 days of no porn back to 0.

I wasn't searching for porn, but i wasn't being totally innocent either, I had been looking at content that wasn't nude but was not helping me out at all off and on for the last couple weeks. I thought I'd be able to stop before I got into real trouble, I was wrong. I was on a website and came across a nude image on accident, but once I saw it - well I guess you can figure out the rest.

I let my guard down too much, and paid the price for it.

I'm not going to stay down though. I'm going to pick myself up, get back to doing what I need to do.

I'll write more tomorrow.
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
It happens. Remember healing from a binge is much tougher than healing from a slip. Stay strong. Sometimes urges are worse for a bit of time after a slip.

And remember...179 is spectacular!
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I'm sure you've heard this to death but I had to finally agreed with the people who said: The problem is when (from whatever long streak you have), you go back to your normal porn routine. If it was an every day routine, or a few times a week or whatever, if you go back to doing that regularly again, that's a problem. One day of making a mistake with porn recovery isn't going to destroy everything. Yes, the duration matters, it matter if you edge 8 hours that day versus a 15 minutes PMO session. It matters if you PMO 7 times that day or only once. But even if they are not preferable, it's still not the end of the world, if you are not back to your normal frequency and routine, you feel me? Obviously, engaging with porn triggers the appetite hard, if you experience chaser effect it can be very nagging and difficult (I know it is for me) and the urge to PMO (just one more time) can be super strong. But if you can keep going and build another good streak, this shit will only be a small wrong step. ✌️ You got this, man!
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
day 1

Thanks @Androg ... i'm determined not to go down the binge path, yesterday after I messed up I decided to post right away, even though I was tempted to keep it a secret, I want to be open on here and deal with it.

After I messed up I felt super disappointed of course, however the main thing that I recognized is how unfulfilling the whole thing was. Even though I've known this was true and has been the reason I quit from the get go, somehow after not seeing it for so long I had this curiosity of what it would be like again... well it was totally unsatisfying, I can't believe that I gave in to the temptation for such an unfulfilling moment.

I know the temptation will come back over the next couple days really strong, but I'm not giving in.
That's how the dopamine system of an addict unfortunately works. The dopamine makes us feel like the reward is going to be amazing but, oftentimes, you find yourself saying: "That's it? I'm messing with my great streak because of this shit?" I get this with alcohol. After abstaining for a considerable period of time, I start thinking that a drinking session is going to make me feel amazing, I start drinking and it's very underwhelming most of the time. So yeah, fuck em. We don't need them anymore.
 
@OP.

It is important to understand that you may reset in days, but, really, you have made great progress. You are not going back to the day before you quit. You are going back to the day before you slipped. Those two guys don't look like each other.
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Whatever happened, speak up about it and we'll listen as you figure out what you need to change.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey @Galatians51, great to see you back brother. I agree with you, writing here everyday, even if only a few sentences, can keep you in the correct mindset.

Sorry to be graphic here, hopefully i'm not oversharing - feel free to ignore this, i'm more just writing it for me so that I don't forget this moment. Something happened today that freaked me out a little bit. As I have written about in the past I haven't ever looked at porn to watch sex scenes... nude images or videos was what I looked for and never had any issues masturbating to that. However today I was looking at those images/videos again and it wasn't really doing much for me and it took a lot longer to masturbate -I didn't even really enjoy it. I knew right away what the problem was from the past research that i have done... my brain wasn't shocked by the images anymore and wanted something more to look at, and I know that's a very dangerous place to be. This is partly what caused me to want to quit again - I don't want to - I refuse to go down that road because I know it leads to dark places that I don't want to go.
This is a sure sign that this problem is becoming worse and worse. I too found myself looking at mostly pictures, often just "porn substitutes" like yoga pants and women in sexy underwear etc., with some sex videos too (but always vanilla), but when I returned to my old ways in a relapse once a few years ago, I found these things just weren't as "sexy" as I remembered them to be. Before long, I found myself engaged in a couple of cam girl sessions which I had never imagined I would ever do, and that was when I knew this whole thing was going to kill me if I didn't get to fixing it right away. I write here all the time, not just because I like to help and encourage people, but also for myself, just to keep a daily reminder of why I hate this stuff and how I want to be a better man.

There's no shame in being here, the only shame I see is to deny a problem that is right before us.

You're a hero for coming back.

Best
 
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