Doing things differently this time

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 4 free from PMO
I’m 45 and have had several failed attempts to get off porn. I’ve had a few stretches of a month or two but I’ve always gone back. I know that I’ve never really let anyone else in to help and I’ve been very alone. I tried a counsellor but they weren’t a specialist and I feel I really need peer to peer connection.

The last 15 years have been some heavy use that has gotten progressively more hardcore, all that femdom stuff. I started to get off on stuff that revolved me years before.

thanks for reading and good luck.

 

[Androg]

GL!

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 5
It’s great to have a little bit of distance from my last PMO. I have had some challenges getting to sleep but seem to be getting better quality sleep. There has been a bit of anxiety too.
I’m starting to feel a bit more present and grounded. I am more productive too as porn took my time, and took my motivation and confidence. I am starting to feel more of a sense of freedom in my head.

I still have a lot of scenes playing out in my head though. Looking forward to them reducing.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 6 PMO free!
Had to get out of the house this morning, some serious craving. I was imagining scenarios that would be absolutely horrible to have in real life. I rarely think about purely affectionate intimacy which is what I would actually want, not being with someone abusive.

Anyway, I’m really glad to have have my 6 days up, the compulsions feel a bit less sticky and at I’m generally more present. There have been a few nights when I’ve slept poorly and sometimes I feel a bit down. Spent half an hour doing stretches and exercise this morning which is really good for me.

my social anxiety has been persistent but I have some support out there. I hear that porn can causes social anxiety so I’m hoping that will improve.

I'm looking forward to getting a week up tomorrow

 

[Androg]

I think you'll see improvements on all fronts. And reduced social anxiety is often reported. You might find this article inspiring: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reb...fidence-depression-anxiety-ocd-bipolar-worse/

 

[the_badger]

Congrats on your step to connect and to fight this together! All the best on your journey

 

[Qwertyxyz]

I think you'll see improvements on all fronts. And reduced social anxiety is often reported. You might find this article inspiring: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reb...fidence-depression-anxiety-ocd-bipolar-worse/

Thanks

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Congrats on your step to connect and to fight this together! All the best on your journey

Thanks man,
I’m feeling good about it,
Let beat this thing

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 7
Phew, pretty happy about a week down.

I’m glad that there are good resource out there, the information from podcasts, websites, and youtube has given me a better understanding of my relationship to porn.

the scenarios are playing in my head (mostly in the morning) but it helps knowing that compulsions fade as the brain rewires. I’m trying to find different healthier habits to replace porn with, thats going well, I just do stuff that I wanted to do but lost motivation to get done.

I’ve been journaling everyday and am working on how I do that better, it helps me to get perspective.

good luck out there

 

[Androg]

If you have any favorite inspirational books, you might try just flipping one open at random when you feel antsy.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 8
I listen to something from Trish Leigh that talked about your compulsions having something to do with your distress. This was refreshing to hear. Sure, on my better days I used PMO but when I was stressed it was worse. I’ve had a lot of stress in my life and know the worse my stress the more I use pore and do mo. I want to examine the stress in my life and how it affects me.

I also see how when I use heavy hardcore stuff my anxiety rises and confidence drops. In the past I’ve been aware of this when I’ve gone into a period of heavy use, but like a frog in water being heated up I don’t realise what it’s doing to until I get shaky socially and feel like I’m wearing shame.

I like that I feel a bit more confident now, my anxiety was actually really messing up my life. 8 days PMO free!
I can do this.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 9 PMO free
I first found this site 2-3 years ago and was very tentative about using it as my shame was ferocious.
I am far less ashamed of porn use today, i think it’s terrible, but I’ve heard of studies that show that shame makes use worse not better. Shame gets in the way of recovery and does not help it.
So it’s really nice this time around to forgive myself and feel more at home here, I really do belong here. Shame doesn’t help but people do, sharing your problems really takes a lot of their power away, and engaging with other posts really helps too.

One tactic I heard about was to have a consequence if you use PMO. So if I use PMO I’ll donate $50 to a politician I really don’t like, that’s a good incentive to stay away from triggers.

was reading a post about how soft porn is actually everywhere these days, it’s so true. I try to minimise exposure. I listen to a podcast about will power and how it is finite, the more you are exposed the closer you are to acting out.

Best morning yet, no real cravings

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 10
The last two mornings have been pretty good for compulsions, they are much more reduced and easier to distract from. However it does make me feel super vigilant, in the past I e felt I e got it beat and relaxed, now is the time to keep engaged and build support.
I don’t want that toxic sense of loneliness and powerlessness that I get when I used porn.

happy recovery all

 

[Qwertyxyz]

11 days PMO free
It’s good to have a bit more energy and focus, early days but I am very glad to be on the journey.
I have friends who I socialise with but I know there is a lot (not just porn) that I don’t talk about. I feel like I am doing a lot of things right but I know isolation with my feelings is dangerous. When I talk about what is going on for me I feel much better and I don’t feel the urge to distract from things inside.
In someways I’ve been very isolated so I have to work on I guess emotional communication, I have options and ideas, and I see a counsellor next week. I have had a lot of stress in my life and expressing it is healthy.

enjoy the weekend

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 12 PMO free
Very tired today so I’m going to spend the day at home resting. I usually take a walk to break up my thinking but I feel good today.
I’m try to work on myself socially, I know sharing my stuff is really good for me. I still have intrusive thoughts and I know how important it is for me to distract from them, it the past I just let them play and then would end up masturbating and going back to porn. I need to stay disciplined, I think in the past I was just waiting and hope the porn thoughts would stop, but I really need to be proactive about stopping the fantasies.

Porn takes so much from me and I really want my life back, I love my life without porn.
Can’t wait to have 2 weeks up in a couple of days.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 13 PMO free
I still have those compulsions to masturbate and look at porn but they have reduced a bit. There are moments when I get a feeling that doing PMO would be the most natural and comfortable thing I could do, I try remember the cost I’ve paid by using porn and distract as quickly as I can. I am a porn addict and porn will ruin my life. I can feel it getting easier to say no and that’s great

I have never been more comfortable with knowing I am a porn addict and that gives me more hope and confidence than in my previous attempts, I think being open (in the right setting) about porn addiction is liberating and important. Today I’ll google porn recovery stuff instead of porn.

Keeping a daily journal is really helping me too. I have been painfully guarded and independent to a fault in life. My default is to hold back and be very cagey and cautious. Dealing with social anxiety I have often been relieved to be able to cut of and go into isolation, and that’s very bad for me. I have to be smart about how I do things, it feels very safe for me to post here so I know I need to stay consistent and vulnerable, I have nothing to be ashamed of, thanks for reading.

have a good week

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 14
It’s great to have another week down. I feel so much better about my life.
My porn use was all about fantasies that were toxic and damaging. I tried to quit porn before but kept MO and was free from porn for over 100 days, but the movies and scenarios were played in my head and I was MO most days. I ended up needing porn for the novelty and to feel that stimulation.
I really like being PMO free although I still get thoughts about it in my head. I know I have to stay vigilant and determined.

good luck

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 15 PMO free
Yesterday was hectic. I have cravings but they are more easy to distract from. I read something about withdrawal symptoms and it really helped. It’s like I feel my brain realising it’s not getting it’s usual fix and it’s freaking out a little. It’s really good knowing that, that will pass.

I’ve been spending a lot of time on forums or listening to podcasts about PMO recovery, I actually really enjoy it which is very helpful, sometimes I need to hear information from a couple of different sources for it to really sink in.

I saw my counsellor yesterday and told him about all the crap I’ve been dealing with lately, there was so many things, work, money, people, my ex. None of it’s catastrophic but adding it all together is bad. Being off the PMO gives me more ability to sort things out and be present. I’m in a better place right now but I feel like I’m recovering from some shitty stress.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it yet but I’m on the autistic spectrum, I’ve had a stressful life as mostly I have lived with undiagnosed and unsupported autism and I’m used to anxiety and stress and am super guarded. This forum is good because I can be vulnerable without having to process too much. I know the biggest risk to my recovery is isolation and thankfully it’s getting easier to be on here and post.

I go back to work tomorrow and respect that that there will be a lot happening and I need to stay vigilant.

thanks for reading.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 16 PMO free
Definitely feel the withdrawals, it’s a bit hard but it also feels good knowing it’s part of the rebooting process. I’m so glad for the information that is here and out there, it gives me perspective, patience and determination.
I’ve been kind of emotional too, I’ve just been absorbing life stuff and not talking about it for years and that lead to such a craving for comfort via PMO, without it it’s like stuff comes up to be acknowledged and dealt with.

As the clips and images I looked at got more extreme my social anxiety got worse. I would spend a lot of time editing and splicing, and adding text to clips and pictures to make them more extreme. That messed me up, although I’m a relatively positive and somewhat sensitive person my taste in porn was very dark.

I really want to have a better happier life and am hopeful that this time will be successful, I have never been more engaged with the reboot community even if I know I can connect more, for what I’m used to (anxiety and distrust) I am doing well, I’m really looking forward to continuing down the weeks, even week free of PMO is a milestone.

Thanks for reading

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 17 PMO free

Very busy couple of days so I’m pretty tired. I have been to busy to have PMO thoughts. But I need to be vigilant and stay connected. I am finding that I enjoy looking at PMO recovery stuff and am very grateful for that.

I’ve listened to a bit from the ‘consider before consuming’ podcast by fight the new drug and it really spells out how toxic the whole porn industry is. I sensed that when I first saw porn but then I got more and more desensitised to it. porn really is awful, bad for performer and consumer I don’t want to support such a horrible business.

I’ve been battling anxiety lately and know that porn makes it worse, it might give me a temporary relief but it takes me down further and hampers me when I am challenged. I hate what porn does to me and I love being free if it.