Doing things differently this time

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Day 12 PMO free

Good to get another day done. I’m feeling mentally fatigued today so I need to be careful. Self care really helps. I’m trying to look for things behind my recovery, things I distract from. There is a lot there. I should do something now, being active helps.
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Day 13 PMO free

Feeling alright, yesterday was one of those days when everyone wanted to talk to me and I just wanted to do my job, as an autistic person I hate this. I was pretty shaky after, it hard when you aren’t understood. I want to say I feel quite today and hopefully they will leave me alone.
It’s so painful and complex, socialising is normal and healthy and expected, and I wish I could be more fluent and had more to give. I often say to other autistics I can do my job or be social, but not both at the same time.

I have grown a lot socially in the last 4 years since my diagnosis and that is great. I’m much better socially but have been talking to my therapist about having generalised anxiety disorder (GAD). In regard to PMO recovery I really feel that I won’t get long term recovery unless I let people in, and this is very, very hard for me. But I kind of feel ready and will look for a coach or join PAA or some other group for porn recovery.
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Day 14 PMO free

Glad to get here (2 weeks).
It’s early days but I’m doing well I think. I hope when I get home I can build up more support. Happy to have the time up 🙂
 
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Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Day 15 PMO free

Hanging in there. I feel my energy is better today, I’ve been pretty busy mentally. There is a lot happening in my life right now and it will all go bad if I go back to hiding in PMO.

Good luck out there.
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Day 16 PMO free

I like my head being clear. I hate the brain fog when I’m deep in porn use. I feel capable of getting clean. I run a support group for people with autism, if I use it gets a lot harder and much more stressful. Life is much harder when I use.
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Still haven’t got this. It’s hard, I know what is affecting me. There is such an issue with my ex, she is not well and has our son. It’s pretty messy and I know it’s the emotional reason behind my constant relapses. It’s hard. I need to seek out more discussion about this, I might try PAA or a coach, I know I can do this but I can’t do this alone. My PMO use affects everything negatively, it’s not good.
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Day 6 PMO free

Doing alright, am planning to talk to people more about my recovery. I know that i keep things to myself too much. Social anxiety gets in the way of my getting true recovery. I need to let others in but feel like im getting better all the time.

Great to have some time up. I have a lot going on in life and being clean is definitely best
 
I used to keep a lot to myself and tried to deal with so many other peoples problems that I forgot about my own well being, now I am struggling each day to better myself after falling victim to this fucked up shit. I have damaged my marriage and I am at a lower level, I am trying to rebuild myself and my marriage but getting clean and so far so good, problem is nothing every seem enough at the moment. It is a long road to recovery.
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Here again,
Lately it seems I can get maybe a week or two up and than I relapse, as much as forums help I think I need a coach to help me. I believe I can quit but I it’s not so much about self will and more about the right routine and resource.
PMO is costing me a lot and I need to keep fighting it. Have been pretty bad lately. I’m trying again now, even if I get a week up it’s a better week than what it would have been.
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Day 2 PMO free
Im feeling good today, it the first break from PMO in weeks. I want to get a bit of time up, I need a reset. I’m back at work after a three week break of almost daily porn, it wasn’t good.
Any time up is good, and I need to start somewhere. Have to stay strong, the compulsions are pesky.
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
It’s been 5 days since I’ve looked at porn but I have been MOing. It’s not perfect but just not using porn is fantastic for me. I’m thinking maybe cold turkey isn’t the best approach? I don’t know. I will try again to quit the mo to. I’ve had about 75, and 60 days PMO free before, but I’ve also had 100 with no porn but MOing.
I am going to stay off porn, that’s number 1 right now, the MOing I’ll deal with later.
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Days 6 porn free

In the last few months I have lost a lot of time to porn, when I just MO I can loose maybe and hour tops, but when I’m engaged with porn I might wake up early, get straight into it, and pretty much stay engaged in it until it’s late, but I don’t feel like sleeping and I continue to use porn.
I want to get 30 days up if no porn but allowing myself to MO, than I’ll reassess. Feels really good to be off porn, it has really fried my brain lately
 
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