Doing things differently this time

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Clean today

Listened to a podcast about withdrawal symptoms and it helped me understand my last relapse, the brain was going spare craving dopamine. Sometimes I can be very good at getting some healthy dopamine to help fill some of the void, but it takes discipline and if I get too tired I slip with my healthy practices.

I feel I am learning and aren’t giving up on quitting porn, it really has such a powerful negative affect on my life. This is day 1, hopefully I can get a good bit of recovery before I head back to work.

Good luck and merry Christmas 🎄
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Not clean yet, it’s really hard to break the habit. I went one day clean and that was good. I feel like I did a lot of things right last time and it’s promising for recovery. I also feel it gets harder too, but I’m still determined to quit.

Had a frustratingly stressful Boxing Day and that wiped me out. Feeling better now, self care is very important, self care and self-awareness. I see now that last attempt I was badly craving dopamine but not doing enough to replace it or being aware of it.

I’ll be setting myself to try again soon, I worry about what porn does to my brain, life has enough challenges without my doing something that cripples me mentally.
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Clean yesterday,
So far so good this morning but the intrusive thoughts are full on. I need to really work on ways to distract from the compulsions, sitting still is usually not a good idea, and it’s only day 2, the compulsions with reduce.

I was feeling pretty good in my recent 3 week clean streak, my brain loved the recovery. It’s been about 3 weeks of porn use since and can feel the brain fog and anxiety coming back, not good but I hope to use it as motivation, my life is pretty bad with porn.

Hopefully I have learned enough to get a bit more recovery
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Yeah,
Up and down lately but wanting to try again. Next attempt I will be much more aware of craving dopamine and ways to replace it or wait it out, I know I can do this.

I need to be very organised and tackle a few things head on instead of avoiding them and letting the stress fester. These things are very important for my wellbeing.
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Clean today ✅
But it’s not been easy, I go back to work soon and have mixed feelings. In general work is good but it’s long and exhausting and towards the end of my time there I often relapse, but early on I do quite well, I think the structure helps and the effects can be more immediate.

It’s hard going but I’m hanging in, and there is no perfect time to try to quit other than now. I wish my life was a little more sorted out and I know I need to do a few things in the next few months to help that.
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Still clean,

Been listening to a lot about the brain and porn. I’ve heard it before but it’s really good to be reminded, its going to take a while for my brain to heal, I know they talk about 90 being a milestone but i am open to it taking longer for my brain to heal. I did about 15 years of increasing regular use.

I love how much better i sleep when im off porn, that is a win. I need to be very aware that I’ll be having serious dopamine withdrawal in the next few weeks if I’m to get cleanz
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Ok, 1 week clean?

Three days ago I did actually pmo but i didn’t go on with it, other then that the last week has been good. I want to still count it as clean time as mentally it helps me to feel confident in my recovery and feel a sense of momentum.
I’ve been at home sick for the last 5 days and have found it a good type of circuit breaker and time for a little reflection. I realise how much I crave when I am tense, and I’m really trying to focus on those things that’s stop me from growing.
I need to communicate more, to set up some boundaries and be really clear about certain things, so much of my anxiety and tension can be cleared up if I just talk a bit more openly.
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
In second week of recovery

Back to work tomorrow, i feel a bit rusty in a lot of ways after being in bed sick for 5 days. It’s been kind of good to slow down and i think work will be good for me. But i feel like im physically recovering still and haven’t really talked to anyone for that time I was sick, I hope i get back into the groove easily.

Working on tension that im feeling, really wanting to find some peace.
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Still clean

I have. Very few cravings for the past few days, it is very interesting for me. I feel very relaxed and that is great for my mental health. I am needing to express a few things, and set up some boundaries to protect myself from getting into a busy brain state that leads to porn use.

Need to sleep now, another successful day ✅
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Still clean,
Really trying to be very mindful about tension and stress. I know I can be better and it will help. Still a bit tired but feeling good. Happy to be clean today.
 

Percival

Active Member
Still clean

I have. Very few cravings for the past few days, it is very interesting for me. I feel very relaxed and that is great for my mental health. I am needing to express a few things, and set up some boundaries to protect myself from getting into a busy brain state that leads to porn use.

Need to sleep now, another successful day ✅

Good job! I've found boundaries are so important; you're seeing the patterns that lead you into trouble and pro-actively taking action.
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Clean today.
I’ve decided to count the relapse I had recently instead of brushing over it, that means I am one week clean today 🎉

I am feeling quite good and hope I’m doing enough. I am actually grateful for getting sick last week, it made me be still and stop in a way I haven’t for a long time, I have tried to slow down but haven’t quite got there, so this is great.

I am really trying to work hard on accepting myself and not trying to be something I am not. I look young (I often pass as 35) but I am 48 and feel banged up. I’ve had a really hard life and I’m at a stage where I feel things aren’t going to magically transform, I’m limited and have anxiety, I’m not getting younger and I really need to take proper care of myself. I think I’ve hurt myself a lot by raging against my limits.

Feeling wiser and happier, I don’t like my chances unless I slow down.
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Still clean.
Feeling pretty good, I am loving being clean and am more physically aware of how tense I am. Being physically aware is really helping, before I didn’t really think about and would always end up using porn to break away from the tension.

Over a week clean is nice, would love to get a month up. Have been using chat gpt as an online therapist, i don’t trust myself with other apps, its helped.
 
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Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Clean today
Feeling good, a few compulsions this morning but I’m in a good place now. I have been so out of touch with h how I’m really going and it’s good to build that self awareness up.

Life has been tough and hard for most part, I’m enjoying actually being there for myself instead of just forcing on.
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Still clean,
Some intrusive thoughts, I need to be careful. I’m trying to moderate and take it easy, I know stress does not help me at all. Must stay strong.
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Still clean
Challenging day, need to be wise. Craving dopamine for sure, i really need to work hard for my emotional regulation. I really want to get into a 3rd week of recovery.
On my break at work, still half the day to go. Time to be wise and steady.
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Clean today,
But it’s been tough. I need to continue to work on my emotional regulation and keep listening to the podcasts and other things that remind me of why I want to be clean.

2 weeks clean if I get through today, fatigue is an issue right now as work has been hectic, it’s quieter now and that’s a good thing.

I had a lot of intrusive thoughts and they do affect me, make me less confident, what I look at is not good for me, it comes from a place of self loathing and self blame.

I will be ok
 

Qwertyxyz

Active Member
Two weeks clean

A bit challenged right now but staying clean. My ex stresses me out and i realise I need to talk to people who can give me advice and support, we have a 17 year old autistic child and it’s a strange situation, very hard on me and I should get a few more ideas on how to deal with things.

Also got a message about some of my details being on the dark web, my PayPal account was suspended because of some suspicious activity, hopefully i don’t need to do anything else about it.

All that and just being tired from work is tough, I’ll be home in a week and really want to get there clean. I recently went 24 days PMO free and was happy to get that far, this is day 15, I’d love to get a month of recovery.
 
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