Doing things differently this time

[Qwertyxyz]

Not perfect but doing a lot of things right, a relapse doesn’t mean going back to the drawing board it means tweaking and improving, it doesn’t help for me to berate myself. Lately relapse has not been as destructive as before, I’m more grounded and have addressed some trauma

 

[Qwertyxyz]

24 hours porn free after a relapse. I feel ok, but really feel what it does to me. Sometimes I forget. Had a good day in some healthy environments, that is good.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

In a good place right now, been talking about trauma of the past and I’m understanding that I crave when triggered. Lots to unpack.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Just bought dopamine National and listen to a podcast with the author. I think that will help. Spending a bit, I’m a bit impulsive right now and know I’m not balanced.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

A clean day

I feel so much better clean. Things are good right now. If use I always end up burning out and losing my ability to moderate. It’s not good

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Clean today,
I feel much more self aware than I did a few months ago. Learning a lot about trauma and am benefiting from reading books and not loosing time to the phone. Feeling optimistic

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Tired right now. Having a restful day as I’ve been doing a lot lately. I feel like my social confidence is improving and that is good for my recovery. I’m doing a lot of things well.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Have not looked at porn for a few days but I acted in this morning. I have been very busy lately and it can be tiring. Be active is very good for me but I do need to work more on self care and being grounded. When my brain is too fast I feel a loss of control and feel more stressed.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Tired today, back at work and run down, I think I’ll be better in a few days. I’m trying to be in the moment and appreciate what I have, and take comfort from the simple things. That has helped me in the past.

One reason I feel I keep relapsing is because I constantly over do it. I get excited when I plan stuff and I keep committing myself to too much. I need to learn from this, when I’m cooked i relapse.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Clean a few days

Changes at work are stressful, I may need to communicate some things to my boss, I hate that sort of thing, not my strong suit, but I’ll be ok. I like being clean and need to stick with it.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

3 days clean

Feeling better today,
The last 3 days have been tense as I’ve had to adjust to changes at work. I’m in a really good place now with it though. It nice when things are in harmony. I love when I’m clean.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

4 days clean

Work is very taxing right now, adjusting to change, need to communicate a few things to help me out. Hopefully I can get through the week clean.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Struggling today.
I need to send work an email about it. This is a thing where they forget I’m autistic. I hate this, I work so hard to do well and fit in and then they forget I have my weaknesses. I don’t want to be the disability guy.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Life is strange. Feeling change do often. Work is tough for autistic people like me sometimes, people are complex. Relapsed but am feeling better about recovery. Need to keep growing and learning.

I think I’ve been clean for 10 of the last 18 days

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Feeling better today, back into an exercise routine. Things are calming down at work and I’ll be better with the new crew onboard today. I hate how porn affects me slowly and subtly, I want my mind back.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Wiped out and stressed. Tough environment for recovery. Setting the goal of a four day streak. It’s important to get some clean time.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Clean today,
Glad for it.
Still very tired and primed for a good sleep. Realising how much I have identified with my trauma. Interesting realisation.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Feeling ok today, lots of compulsions but I’m holding up. I’m home in just over a week and can’t wait.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Trying to improve my journaling, writing to myself helps me to consolidate things

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Home soon, clean about half the time over the last month. Learning and hoping for better recovery. Understanding about past trauma.