Doing things differently this time

[Qwertyxyz]

Going bush tomorrow to break routine, I’m catching that i am often switch on to my own stress and tension, I’m oblivious, but when I’m aware a calm myself my cravings are less. Self awareness can be hard to improve but I can do it.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Have been acting out and can feel the effects. Considering seeing a sex therapist to give me advice. Shit gets so confusing out there, and I know I have problems with shame and abandonment. Looking forward to seeing my counsellor soon.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

No porn this morning and it feels good. Really trying to do the right things and get myself together. Exercise has been great.

 

[iampf]

Continuing to look into neglect and abandonment trauma. For me it’s heavy but revealing. Did a sharing group last night and I talked about it, not sure if many people understood but it’s good to name it. I feel like it’s the start of a new journey of recovery. My cravings are better than they used to be and that is progress.

Hi. I like this idea. I've actually downloaded a book to read called "Unf**k your Shame" which is by some doctor, and she writes a few of them on a similar theme: shame, worth, grief. Most of them only seem to be ~100 pages so a nice easy read. I don't know if they're any good!! - I've only jsut started reading them (the shame one for now) and it seems silly to recommend or even mention a book I don't know about, but I came to read your post and throw you some support and saw what you'd written, so that's how I got there! Haha.

Nice work on the exercise, I find this also very helpful. My danger is just getting home after exercise and feeling the blood rushing and falling into a bit of a spiral. That's my danger. Otherwise keep strong brother and all the best.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Hi. I like this idea. I've actually downloaded a book to read called "Unf**k your Shame" which is by some doctor, and she writes a few of them on a similar theme: shame, worth, grief. Most of them only seem to be ~100 pages so a nice easy read. I don't know if they're any good!! - I've only jsut started reading them (the shame one for now) and it seems silly to recommend or even mention a book I don't know about, but I came to read your post and throw you some support and saw what you'd written, so that's how I got there! Haha.

Nice work on the exercise, I find this also very helpful. My danger is just getting home after exercise and feeling the blood rushing and falling into a bit of a spiral. That's my danger. Otherwise keep strong brother and all the best.

Thanks man, I have a book coming in the post but if it’s not great I might try that the one you suggested.
Thanks for the encouragement

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Went out with friends to a club type of thing last night. It really wiped me out. I have to be really honest about my limits. I feel like I’m coming to to new level of acceptance. Looking deep into the effects of emotional neglect in childhood, can’t wait to see my therapist on Monday.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Good day today, big walk in nature. I think i really needed it.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

I’m thinking of seeing a sex therapist to help me sort a few things out internally, i actually think it would help a lot. I still have massive shame around sex and find some things confusing. There is a lot of polarisation around it really doesn’t help any of this.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

I’ve been really out of touch with my body lately and it feels good to realise that. When I have had clean streaks in the past I was more in touch, I feel like I have forgotten to check in with myself. I will be better at that now I’ve realised what I am missing.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Started to read a book on abandonment, I think it will help to get me clear out some stuff from the past.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Talked to a friend who is in slaa, it’s great to touch base with someone else who is experiencing the challenges, i feel I have been making progress in terms of trust, mind you it’s still very hard for me to let anyone in too far but healing takes time.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Feeling optimistic, I’ve looked into some inner child stuff over the years and have never really clicked with it, I think it can be a good way to get in touch with some repress stuff but I more think about it as my inner self. I am looking to enrol in a counselling diploma, scary stuff but I think I can do it.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Wiped out.
Saw my counsellor today plus have been talking to someone who kind of likes me. It’s very confusing, my defence mechanism are going through the roof.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Back to work tomorrow, I’m looking forward to it, structure and routine. I often run well when I’m out there

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Have been benefiting from mood and discipline tracking lately, it has really helped me stay in level. Exercise has been great too.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Back at work, pretty tired, it will take a few days to find my groove. Have been looking into AI assistance, I have used AI for bad but I have also benefited from it too, I like how non-judgmental AI can feel.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Feeling good, a couple of clean days always does that. Glad I have some good co-workers to talk to.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Great to be clean today but there has been temptation. I feel more in control of my life than before and I’m grateful for that, the more I face the better I am.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

3 days clean
Had a run this morning which was great, it’s so nice to break up the energy, still craving a bit and know I need to get dopamine from healthy sources.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

5 days clean,

Feeling optimistic, some compulsions but that’s to be expected. Thinking about what things could be like if I get the 90 days up, I don’t know what sex looks like after that but right now I need a good run of celibacy to reset things. My self acceptance is improving all the time.