Doing things differently this time

[Qwertyxyz]

One week clean

It feels good but I’m far from being rock solid. Getting to know myself better all the time. I have never been so content in my solitude, while I know I need people, mostly I like to be alone and I am letting myself just have that time and love my own company, it feels good to stop putting pressure and expectations on myself, the social/solitude balance I have is actually pretty good.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

8 days clean,
Kind of understanding on a deeper level how much my nervous system has been in shock. I feel like I am improving my awareness and regulation skills, when I’m distressed I crave.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 9 clean
Some cravings but ok. Really trying to be aware of my nervous system and how it operates, it’s been hammered and I need to take good care of it. I’ve never really gone for the inner child type of thing even though I know it’s a construct, soothing the nervous system is something I can work with.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

10 days PMO free

Feel good but this morning was tricky. I think I need to be very careful in the mornings, it’s always been my vulnerable time. I ended up doing a run which was great. I am really focusing on calming my nervous system and getting healthy dopamine, I am using AI in a healthy way to help too. I really want some healing.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Staying strong and feeling optimistic. I feel like I’m getting better tools all the time and self knowledge is so crucial I think to recovery. What works for others may not work for you and that’s ok. Next goal is 2 weeks, I’m getting close.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Clean today and am enjoying it.
Really trying to build on self support, when you abandon yourself you are all alone, sure others help, but if you’re not on your side you’re in trouble. Feeling less shame, more acceptance and more positive.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

I’m trying to learn more about healthy sexuality, I’ve always seen it as bad. Coming from the AA background it’s very different, alcohol was categorically bad for me, cut it out, no ambiguity. Healthy sex is actually really healthy and beneficial, I have forgotten that.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

2 weeks clean

I think I have felt so much shame around just being a guy, i don’t think it’s appropriate but you just feel so shamed by negative stereotypes. I am understanding i have always felt ashamed of being sexual, and that is a toxic belief. Sexuality can be really healthy and good.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Doing ok.
Go home from work soon. In the last 6 months or so I’ve been clean about 40% of the time, that’s good but not great. I really want to help my brain reset. I’m really trying to keep in nervous system, it’s had a hard life and gets tense easily, that type of self care is key to recovery I think.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

looking forward to getting home and having more time and energy to clear things up. I have some good runs at work but I have more time to catch lay with at home. Feeling optimistic

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Home now, totally wiped out from work. I used a bit in that last week so I need a detox, actually feeling like I can. Do good to be at home relaxing