Doing things differently this time

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 13

Still clean, but having some cravings. My quality of life is better than a year ago and i think that has a huge impact on how much I crave. I still have stress and shit to deal with but I feel so much healthier sexually.

I have seen a counsellor through my work before but now I want to see one separately, it will be expensive but I just need to talk about certain things that I just want to keep seperate.

Good luck for the festive season

 

[Qwertyxyz]

2 weeks clean

It feels good, I am feeling more confident and enjoy how I am right now. It’s nice to be clean through all that busy Christmas stuff, I am getting better at knowing when to comfort myself and relax.

Good luck for the new year

 

[Qwertyxyz]

I feel pretty optimistic about next year, my anxiety and stress are better, not ideal but much better. So much grief from the past this year, can’t wait to move past it.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

I’m thinking about getting a tattoo to remind myself to stay grounded, not in those words, but it’s easy to slip in thinking discipline and a physical reminder would be great.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Have been using PMO for about 2 weeks, it was ok but now I feel myself losing productivity, motivation, and confidence. I need another detox.

Work over Christmas wiped me out, it’s hard to process everything. Made another counselling session as I still struggle so badly to get close to people. 2025 was pretty massive for realising stuff i hadn’t accepted, this year will be about trying to heal some of that. There are some pretty deep wounds.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

2nd day clean.

It just feels really good to be acting more healthy. Getting of the phone and engaging with life. Have a goal of one week and will see from there. The year is off to a good start.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Been a while, things have been up and down but aren’t in the best place right now. Anxiety is pretty bad, but I feel like I have a good idea of what I need to work with. There is stuff with my ex that is really hard to take, she is really intense and I have to not just bury my head totally in the sand with it, I have a son with her who is struggling. I’m being more open about this and I need to be, it clutters my mind.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Feeling better today and much less compulsive, have been looking at therapists, the old place I used to go through was a work benefit, so they were all young counsellors who moved on frequently, far from ideal. I feel like I’m getting some pressure out of my head and that is great.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Just organising an appointment with a new therapist, I googled sex therapist and feeling good about moving forward.
I have seen a lot of therapist in my time, when I was younger i wanted them to fill the void of family and parent, I wea unrealistic and it failed hard. Than I blocked my counsellors out and treated things as detached and transactional, that had limited success. Last year I begun to grieve for my abandonment issues and understand the depth of their effect on me. I think I’m in a good place to do some healing.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Back to work today, the good thing about going back to work is that I have to really focus on my routine and discipline or I Knossos struggle. I often am less stressed about and sleep better at work. Have a sore knee which has affected my exercise routine, exercise can help a lot. Hoping for a clean run.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

10 days clean

This is my longest run for a few months, I’ve had a lot of relapses and I have needed to be philosophical about that, recovery isn’t about will power its about sorting out the core issues that cause me to seek distraction. This time up feels really good, and I feel likely to keep it going.