Very disappointed to report that I relapsed last night. I should have just laid in bed with my eyes closed until I fell asleep. But I was too anxious about some work things and ended up being on my phone and that led to the relapse.
I am not sure exactly what lesson to extract from this relapse. I still think cultivating a more healthy relationship with my work will improve my mental state and allow me to control my impulses better. It's a vicious cycle: PMO leads to reduced productivity and effectiveness at work, which leads to anxiety, which leads to more PMO. I want to break that cycle both by resisting PMO and also by reframing how I think about my work. In the short term, until I can get this PMO thing under control, I am not going to worry too much about productivity and effectiveness. I'll be positive and take it easy.
As for right now, my goal is to go into another long, hopefully infinite streak. No matter how disappointed I feel right now I will feel a lot worse if I start bingeing. At least right now I don't feel hopeless. I feel hopeful and fairly confident that I can get back on the wagon. This was a temporary lapse and it will only deteriorate any progress I have made if I follow it up with a binge. I have felt life without the shadow of PMO, however briefly, and I am going to chase that feeling.
Start of Day 1. I am not going to engage in PMO or any mindless behavior. I will keep a positive outlook and remind myself to enjoy the small but beautiful thigs around me.