Carl_Smith
Active Member
My brain has two superpowers. The first power is envisioning all the possible futures in which bad things could happen. The second power is envisioning all the possible futures in which I could have sex with people. Do you also have an active imagination like me?
My journey of almost two years has been this: 1) Stop watching porn, 2) Stop jerking off unless my body is uncomfortable, 3) Stop anticipating or fantasizing about sex with my wife the day(s) before it happens, or imagining other women. Now, I can actually enjoy sex and everything else in my life so much more, because my brain’s seesaw starts off level.
(Dopamine is driven by anticipation, and when we spend time and energy anticipating a pleasurable event like sex — or watching a new movie — it tilts the brain’s seesaw of pleasure and pain into the up position. Then when the event happens, it is chemically guaranteed that you won’t enjoy it as much, because the seesaw doesn’t have much room to go higher. In fact, the brain is trying to pull the seesaw down to rebalance it.)
Try this for a few days: don’t expect, anticipate, or fantasize about anything good happening, especially sex. Try to keep your brain’s seesaw at a level position, so it’s ready to receive joy and blessings if and when they happen that day. And if they don’t happen, your seesaw doesn’t crash downward as hard – it’s a win/win.
For me, learning WHY I should stop imagining sex has been life changing. It lets me truly be “in the moment” and appreciate real life. I had the best sex with my wife today, because I didn't fantasize about it (or anyone else) beforehand.
-- C Smith, Age 43
You can read my journal here
My journey of almost two years has been this: 1) Stop watching porn, 2) Stop jerking off unless my body is uncomfortable, 3) Stop anticipating or fantasizing about sex with my wife the day(s) before it happens, or imagining other women. Now, I can actually enjoy sex and everything else in my life so much more, because my brain’s seesaw starts off level.
(Dopamine is driven by anticipation, and when we spend time and energy anticipating a pleasurable event like sex — or watching a new movie — it tilts the brain’s seesaw of pleasure and pain into the up position. Then when the event happens, it is chemically guaranteed that you won’t enjoy it as much, because the seesaw doesn’t have much room to go higher. In fact, the brain is trying to pull the seesaw down to rebalance it.)
Try this for a few days: don’t expect, anticipate, or fantasize about anything good happening, especially sex. Try to keep your brain’s seesaw at a level position, so it’s ready to receive joy and blessings if and when they happen that day. And if they don’t happen, your seesaw doesn’t crash downward as hard – it’s a win/win.
For me, learning WHY I should stop imagining sex has been life changing. It lets me truly be “in the moment” and appreciate real life. I had the best sex with my wife today, because I didn't fantasize about it (or anyone else) beforehand.
-- C Smith, Age 43
You can read my journal here
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