Can someone describe to me how to “urge surf” as it relates to porn?

[lukeman3000]

I haven’t educated myself on urge surfing but I think I’m aware of the basic concepts. Last night I had an urge and was really struggling with it, so I tried to “surf” it in the way that I thought was appropriate. Basically, I kind of imagined myself going through the motions, even thinking about the particular video(s) I would want to watch, and then how I would feel afterwards (not great). Ultimately, I think this process helped me to avoid using PMO but I’m concerned that perhaps I engaged too much with hypersexualized mental imagery during this process (when I was imagining what video I would watch, etc.)

I think it’s definitely the lesser of the two evils, and frankly this is the first time in the past 80 some days that I’ve allowed my mind to wander in that way, but I’m just wondering is this how one should urge surf or is there a better way to do it?

 

[Androg]

Hopefully someone else will know more than I, but I thought the concept of "urge surfing" was to notice your thoughts, such as, "Gee, I'd like to use porn" and then return your attention to your breath (or whatever) without analyzing, resisting, rationalizing, feeling guilty, etc.

Just keep returning your thoughts to your breath.

I don't think you intentionally delve into visualizing in greater depth the behavior you want to rid yourself of. You just notice it...and move your thoughts back to neutral without resistance, etc.

But maybe someone here knows more.

 

[lukeman3000]

Hopefully someone else will know more than I, but I thought the concept of "urge surfing" was to notice your thoughts, such as, "Gee, I'd like to use porn" and then return your attention to your breath (or whatever) without analyzing, resisting, rationalizing, feeling guilty, etc.

Just keep returning your thoughts to your breath.

I don't think you intentionally delve into visualizing in greater depth the behavior you want to rid yourself of. You just notice it...and move your thoughts back to neutral without resistance, etc.

But maybe someone here knows more.

I’m not sure where I heard about urge surfing in the context I described above, but in any case it did seem to help because I didn’t feel so compelled to use after the fact. But it’s also possible I may have raised dopamine levels to some degree by doing so. I think that to avoid that kind of mental imagery is probably best, but surely what I did is much better than actually using PMO altogether, or at least I would think so.

At any rate, I’m trying not to let it bother me too much. It’s easy go play the game of “did I relapse” by engaging in that process (which seemed to help me avoid actually relapsing lol); I don’t want to get caught up in that thought process because I know that’s just the addicted brain playing games. I have over 80 days of not only no PMO, but also very good control of my thoughts. A few moments of visualization while fighting an urge doesn’t erase my progress and probably doesn’t even affect my reboot in any consequential way, and hell, perhaps it could even be considered a good thing in the sense that it helped me fight off the urge to use PMO.

 

[Androg]

All that matters is that you find what works for you! And all experiments contribute to discovering that. Definitely don't let it bother you.