Champ's Journal


New Member
Hi guys! Relapsed newly. Finally decided to take some action. I want to post here, maybe I should do this years ago and I believe if best time to change was yesterday, and if that train went already, second one is NOW! . I'll type my words as simple as possible and hope this post helps anyone else I'm not even high enough like old days. I gradually desensitized to porn over years. For 15 or something years. Now I'm 25 years old. My first exposure to porn around 9 years old and when I got my personal computer as 11 years old boy (I recovered this old first computer and it still works!!! I'm typing this my 2009 desktop pc because I like... nostalgia lol!)

I highly encourage this post to think positively and typing positively. But in the same time I will be realistic here. Porn ruined my life. Like most people in the world who have addictions, I developed exactly the same things. My all adolescent years passed with PMO. With my computers, smartphones, fantasizing etc. My motivation to life including academics, hobbies, spiritual life,relationships with myself and other people affected by my compulsive behaviour AKA edging/masturbating to internet porn.

If you struggle with internet porn right now and for many years you should beware that: You haven't came this point one day/night. If you've lost already many things in life, you've learnt this behaviour gradually and you came to the point even your compulsive behaviour is became meaningless to you and you never get pleasure like your first orgasm. Addiction is about super learning, creating abnormal sensitized pathways. We actually 'like' the feeling itself. And once our brains got 'high' it wants to stay there and never gonna back 'low' again. But trick we should let our brain have a rest. Pain and pleasure work as balancing mechanisms. These two feelings actually in the same place in our brain. That's because some guys in those porn recovery websites have years of flatlines. When you never let your brain have an enough rest, AKA freeing from sexual stimulation your brain even wants more dopamine. When you're in pain and discomfort remember this if you get high with porn you'll suffer even more. Suffering actually means your brain rebalancing itself. That's because William says "learn to love withdrawals." Because withdrawaling is the key to get the other side. It is DARK, PAINFUL. I know. I KNOW BECAUSE I felt it. For many years and my many attempts to quit porn. Quitting any addiction is difficult because it completely have access out full of mental state, emotional state. We want to get high when our firstly hooked on porn. We actually that first powerful 'high'. But each time we even more miserable to get that high. It seems like an impossible task because our brain once never met highspeed internet porn, it was super sensitive to anything in the world. In time, that sensitiveness just valid for only one thing: Pornography. AKA our sexual compulsive behaviour. I say 'sexual' but don't even mind that. Porn is not about sexuality. Porn is opposite of sexuality. Porn is opposite of living life.

Time is a bit late here. I have tons of exams tomorrow and I fapped and typing in this place. I want to add some words before going to the bed, I saw this nofap's twitter account as a tweet. "Addiction is giving up everything for one thing. Recovery is giving up one thing for EVERYTHING." That's because we should love withdrawals. Because that pain, actually serves us, pushing forward us.

And one of my hero, William. If you want to check his out here is it: