Zero to One -Daily journal

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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
Day 3

Had a great day today. Got to work on some projects, got a good workout in, has a productive day at work, even managed to sneak a little time for a videogame. And best of all, no porn

-Clouds&Dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
Day 9

Things are getting tough. I need to keep myself busy, especially heading into the weekend. Urges are pretty constant but I know that if I ignore them long enough they fade away. I won't lie I was close to peeking tonight but successfully distracted myself by hanging out with a friend

-Clouds&Dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
Been doing pretty well for the past little while. I've lost count of what day I am on. Just writing here to check in with myself.

Although I've been doing a good job abstaining from porn, I need to control my imagination better. I've been letting myself fantasize a little too much recently. Fantasizing is not a big deal BUT the fantasies have basically been porn scenarios, which is a problem.

Anyways, I've been doing pretty well in my other goals. I've been breaking some PRs in the gym and have been crushing it at work

-Clouds&Dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
1/30

I started up a personal 30 day challenge today. The challenge is a commitment to my goals in a tangible way for 30 days. "Tangible way" means that I've mapped out my goals and broken them all the way down into little tasks that can be done every day.

One of my goals is to (continue to) abstain from watching any porn. So my daily task for this is to write about it in this journal. I've written hear plenty in the past but I usually fall off after a short while. This time it's a goal to write for 30 days straight.

Some of my other goals include cooking, working out, and making time (1hr per week day) to draw

I'll be back tomorrow

-Clouds&Dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
6/30

I struggled with a pretty strong urge today, so bad that I ended up "peeking" for a minute. But I started thinking about this journal and how I really didn't want to have to write that I relapsed today. That was enough to snap me out of it, so I'm grateful for that

-Clouds&Dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
Day 7/30

Writing early today because I need to. I woke up with morning wood (good) and feeling PMO urges right away (bad). I'm writing to remind myself of how important abstaining is, and how the discomfort of the urges is actually a sign of healing. The only way out is through

On a different note, it's been 1 week of my "goal chasing" challenge. So far it's gone fairly well. I think I imagined I'd be more productive than I actually was, but I still made WAY more progress than I was before. For example, I only made it to the gym twice this week, but for a couple of months I wasn't going at all. That's still a big improvement. Plus I had a valid excuse in that I was out of town for a work trip for a few days, so I was unable to do some of my goals like working out or drawing.

This first week felt difficult, like I was forcing myself to do the things I want to do, but towards the end of the week I felt more excited to do them. It took a whole week for motivation to finally kick in. Hopefully it stays, but I'll keep moving forward regardless.

Oh, and I didn't miss a day with writing in this journal.

Proud of myself

-Clouds&Dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
Day 9/30

Another day without porn. The urges to actually watch porn are reducing, but vivid porn-like fantasies are starting to play out in my head when I let my mind wander. Times like in the shower, or before/after waking up.
I've been at day 9 before, these fantasies are gonna keep popping over the next week or so. I have to be careful not to indulge them and to shoo them away. Some meditation may help

-Clouds&Dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
Day 12/30

Forgot to write yesterday. Anyway, yesterday was another day without porn. From past experience I know the urges will get stronger soon, but I'm ready.
I'm also taking a second to appreciate that I've gone a whole week without seeing any porn (I peeked for a bit on day 5). Just expressing gratitude to myself and the people on this forum. 7 days is a nice view. I'll keep climbing

-Clouds&Dirt
 
C

Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
Day 16/30

Let's get this over with. I relapsed. I was embarrassed so I didn't write for a few days but the point of writing everyday is to keep me accountable. So here I am being accountable.

My other goals during this 30 day challenge have been doing well. My fitness goals are doing okay, not great but not bad either. My drawing goals have been going very good though. I'd say that's the goal I've been most consistent with in this challenge.

Anyways, back to writing in here daily whether I'm proud of myself or not

-Clouds&Dirt
 
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