Zero to One -Daily journal

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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
Day 28

I did something today that I am proud of. The porn blocker on my phone timed out, and instead of peeking, I just reactivated it. In the past, if something would happen to the blocker, I'd take advantage and watch porn. But this time, even though I felt the temptation, I did not give into it

-Clouds&Dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
I haven't written here in a while. I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I recently made it to 31 days! That's the longest I've ever gone without watching porn. The bad news is that I am back to day 1. Obviously I'm a little frustrated to be back to 1, but I'm also excited because now I know that I can get past 30 days.

I'll back writing here for a while until then

-Clouds&Dirt
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Nice job, @Clouds&Dirt, on 31 days. That's a big deal. Try not to think of it as "to be back to day 1" because, in reality that's not true. What did you learn during those 31 days is the key to all of this? And what made you go back? Furthermore, think of it this way, even if you repeated what you just did for twelve months in a row, you would have only looked at porn twelve times in a year! That's a big change I would imagine, though I don't know your story. Yes, it's not "perfect" but it would be a big difference in your life.

Either way, keep killing it
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
Thanks @Blondie !

Unfortunately, curiosity made me go back. I figured since I finally made it past 30 days, I'd just peek really quick so that I can "stop wondering what was there" but I wouldn't actually watch anything. Really dumb in hindsight.

I don't really know if I can articulate a "key" that helped me get that far. I spent 2 weeks of that time traveling so it's likely that being away from my normal environment just broke the habit for a while, which is quite enlightening

Anyway, I'm looking forward to another 30 days clean, it felt great!

-Clouds&Dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
Something I noticed when I had gone a few weeks clean was the way I started feeling about myself. While I didn't feel all that different physically, I did feel different mentally.

I felt a subtle pride and therefore walked just a little taller. When battling this addiction, it's easy to feel ashamed of myself, and that shame follows me into my life. I'm not saying I have low self esteem, but I noticed my self-esteem to be a little bit higher and that's an awesome feeling. It's similar to how it feels to be consistently working out and hitting my fitness goals. I'm proud of myself when I do that, and it reflects in my mood and behavior to some degree.

We feel good when we do hard things, and quitting porn is hard AF

-Clouds&Dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
I've been practicing self control in a few different ways recently. I found an app that allows me to block apps at certain times fo day, so I've blocked all social media apps in the morning and at nights. I am pretty vulnerable to "doomscrolling" and this has been been preventing me from falling into that trap. I also am taking a marijuana break. I haven't had any in any form for a few weeks now

I'm still quitting porn, but I wanted to share these other addictions that I'm trying to free myself from

-cloouds&dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
I'm looking forward to November. Since "no nut November" is a relatively popular trend online it's like there's extra support during that month.

clouds&dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
Another day without porn

I've been doing very well with my fitness goals these past few months. This may be the most consistent I've ever been. I've been trying to gain weight by putting on muscle and I'm up almost 10 pounds. I'm liking what I see in the mirror. I've tried to put on muscle in the past but I would lose motivation too early, before seeing real results. Or I would take a few weeks off and undo the progress I had been making.
Now I'm seeing slight results, and I'm realizing that it's just a slower process than I thought. I'm also forcing myself to eat more (which is probably the true reason why I'm seeing more results now). I just have to keep going.

Feeling great!

Clouds &Dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
Day 2/7

I ended up PMOing again this weekend. I need to refocus here. I know that this addiction isn't something that can be treated as a passive background thing. It needs my active attention every day, breaking this cycle is a choice every day.
 
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