Zero to One -Daily journal

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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
Feeling optimistic. The holidays knocked me out of my normal routines so I've been enjoying getting back to those. I've got some exciting goals for 2026 and am looking forward to working towards them

-clouds&dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
I had a huge urge recently and instead of watching P, I just MO'ed to my imagination. I felt bad about it, but in hindsight I think it was a better alternative to full blown PMO in that moment. It only took 10 minutes and when I was done I continued my day.
Even though I'm not physically horny anymore, I still crave P. Isn't that interesting? Usually horniness and P craving go hand in hand. But right now they are out of sync. It goes to show how P is a drug. The fact that I can distinctly feel the drug-like craving for P even though my body is already satisfied and not horny just goes to show how unnatural P really is

-clouds&dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
I've committed to no longer counting the exact days but I'm somewhere around a week and a half without P

Gonna keep going

-clouds&dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
Had an urge yesterday, but instead I ended up going to the r/pornfree subreddit. Lots of posts about people fighting their urges and people who finally broke this addiction. Snapped me right out of it.

Another day free

-clouds&dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
DAY 1

Relapsed again. Recently I've been watching porn around 2-3 times per month. Which is way less than I've done in the past, but the true goal is to never watch porn again.

However, I did something very important. For the first time ever, I spoke to my girlfriend about my porn addiction. It's the first time I ever told anyone about this. I was expecting her to make a big deal about it, but she was very understanding. She didn't seem hurt or betrayed or anything. She actually already assumed that I watched porn since most young men do.

This was an eye opening experience for me, because I am very hateful to myself about porn. I beat myself up every time I relapse and I feel ashamed. But after telling my girlfriend, she was very forgiving about it. Now this is a difficult concept for me to explain, but addiction thrives on shame. Shame is a part of the cycle. But forgiveness reduces the intensity of shame. All of this time, my own shame has been echoing around in my own head, with no way to escape. But after telling her, my head feels clearer.

I feel like I have a new understanding of this addiction, and it might be the nudge I need to finally beat it for good.

Day 1, let's go

-Clouds&Dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
DAY 2

Feeling good. I've gone back (for now) to counting the days again. I had found that even when I wasn't counting the days "out loud" I was still keeping track of them in my head. So for now I'm just gonna count up to 4 weeks (28 days) and then I'll see if I want to continue counting.

I also want to give myself some credit. I wish I had completely beat this addiction by now, I've been trying for years. But when I zoom out and actually look at my porn consumption as a whole nowadays, it is a lot less than it used to be, and for that I am grateful.

-Clouds&Dirt
 
C

Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
DAY 3

Quitting porn is the single most important thing I will do for myself.

It'll happen by:
1. Minimizing the triggers (stress, procrastination)
2. When I do feel the triggers, replacing porn with something else
3. Sheer willpower

Feeling good

-Clouds&Dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
DAY 4

I've got a lot of important things happening over the next 4 weeks. I'm moving out of my apartment, I'm finishing a big project, I'm starting a new job, and I'm finally reaching my ideal weight. It feels like I'm entering a new chapter of my life. Things I've been working on for years are all going through big changes over the next few months.

I am extra motivated to reboot because this can be another thing that is added to that new chapter. On top of all the great things going for me right now, I'll also finally kick porn out of my life, man that will feel so good!

Onwards

-Clouds&Dirt
 
C

Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
DAY 6

I've been stopping myself from having sexual fantasies in my head. They usually pop up early in the morning or while I'm showering. In the past, I've allowed myself to fantasize, but I now think that it's the first step to relapsing. The brain fantasizes and then it wants more, so the urges for porn get way stronger. It has a similar effect to just "peeking" at thirst-traps on social media. It seems relatively harmless in the moment, but it will escalate.

-Clouds&Dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
Day 2

 Damn, back again. I'm frustrated that I keep getting knocked down by this. At some point I end up telling myself that it's not a big deal, most men do it, etc etc. But then after relapsing I get flooded with that wave of shame and guilt that makes me remember why I shouldn't be watching this stuff at all.

Anyway, I get knocked down but I get back up. 2 days now without porn

-Clouds&Dirt
 
C

Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
Day 3

I had a major life change recently, I moved. I think the stress of the move is one of the things that drove me to relapse. With this move comes a lot of small new routines and habits being formed.

Now is actually a great time to build and enforce the new habits that will make it difficult for me to me relapse. This is also a good time to break bad habits that can lead to relapse. It's like leaving those habits behind literally.

For example, I haven't had the experience of late night scrolling in THIS bed, so it's easier to set and follow a rule that I won't scroll in this bed at night.

Anyway, cheering myself for day 3.

Clouds&Dirt
 
C

Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
Day 4

I went to bed early last night and woke up early to go the gym this morning. I'm trying to establish some good habits like I mentioned in the previous post.

I like feeling a sense of accomplishment so early into the day.

-Clouds&Dirt
 
C

Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
Day 5

Feeling good. I've been keeping myself so busy that I haven't even really had time for temptation to creep in. This is a good thing, but I need to be careful. My main triggers seem to be procrastination and "I earned this" relaxation. So when I AM able to have some free time to relax I need to be careful and intentional about it.

-Clouds&Dirt
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
Day 7

I ended up peeking yesterday. It was early in the morning right when I woke up. I usually keep my phone far away at night, but I was very tired the night before and left it in the bed while sleeping. So I woke up horny and reached for the phone...

It wasn't for long (10mins?) but still, I know better. I'm not resetting the count since I didn't full blown PMO but I need to be more careful

-Clouds&Dirt
 
R

Recovery Will Come

Active Member
Keep up the good work.. You got this!! Stay focused and busy as possible… Find a healthy hobby or something you are interested in… Try to be away from staying home as much as you can
 
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Clouds&Dirt

Active Member
Day 2

I saw a video that said "breaking that bad habit is more impactful that starting that new habit." It really puts into perspective how important it is for me to not give up on this battle.

-Clouds&Dirt
 
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