War of the cycle
- Thread starter Will Stalwart
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Will Stalwart
Active Member
So two weeks down. I have been really struggling to hit this point recently, and it feels great to be there again for the first time in a while.
My recent progress up until now has seen less and less porn, which isn’t a bad thing, but any significant stretch without has eluded me. So it feels good to finally be able to feel like I’m achieving something. It also lets me focus on not losing the progress I have made.
So I’m onto day 15 now. My next target will be 21 days, and the last stop before 30.
My recent progress up until now has seen less and less porn, which isn’t a bad thing, but any significant stretch without has eluded me. So it feels good to finally be able to feel like I’m achieving something. It also lets me focus on not losing the progress I have made.
So I’m onto day 15 now. My next target will be 21 days, and the last stop before 30.
GBS
Respected Member
Hey @Will Stalwart - question: do you still MO during this abstinence streak? I am no sage on here, but am a strong advocate of the no MO for full recovery (well not completely no MO, but very infrequently). It was/is the bedrock of my reboot. Keep going, pal. You’re a fucking hero.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
I sometimes MO, but the urge is much less.
I’ve just dropped back in because I totally screwed up again. Once again my phone, combined with tiredness, was the enemy.
No excuses, no stopping to mope for the rest of the day. I’ve got to get back and beat 14 days this time.
Maybe this time run I’ll try the no MO route.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Trying to keep a positive head on is proving tough.
It’s kind of like the outer shell gets smashed open and all the depression and despondency come spilling out. I know I can get a grasp on these things given some time, but I just needed a forum to vent and remind myself of that.
I know I am progressing but I take each knock back hard. I want this done and gone, but there is no smooth sailing, and no easy road out.
It’s kind of like the outer shell gets smashed open and all the depression and despondency come spilling out. I know I can get a grasp on these things given some time, but I just needed a forum to vent and remind myself of that.
I know I am progressing but I take each knock back hard. I want this done and gone, but there is no smooth sailing, and no easy road out.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Back to day 1.
I need to get past these first few days to feel like I’m moving in the right direction again.
I need to get past these first few days to feel like I’m moving in the right direction again.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 2.
Feeling a bit all over the place today. The goal is to not to try and escape these negative feelings, but to face them and push through. It’s easy to give in to it, but that is destructive, and will only leave me feeling worse at the other end.
Trying to stick to the no MO approach this time too. Usually I just avoid porn, but feel I need to do more, at least to start.
Feeling a bit all over the place today. The goal is to not to try and escape these negative feelings, but to face them and push through. It’s easy to give in to it, but that is destructive, and will only leave me feeling worse at the other end.
Trying to stick to the no MO approach this time too. Usually I just avoid porn, but feel I need to do more, at least to start.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Onto day 3.
It’s always easy to fail this early in. It can feel like you’re not throwing anything away.
But the reality is that my last run was 14 days. To fail now would be doing worse than my last attempt, which isn’t good enough.
It’s always easy to fail this early in. It can feel like you’re not throwing anything away.
But the reality is that my last run was 14 days. To fail now would be doing worse than my last attempt, which isn’t good enough.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 4.
Should be no time for mistakes today.
Should be no time for mistakes today.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 5. Starting to feel like I’m getting there again.
There have been no instances of consecutive days for a good stretch now. While this is still only day 5, the last month has had very little porn.
It’s not where I need it to be, but I do feel like I am going in the right direction. The time between failures has gotten longer and longer. I am hoping this time I can hit my 30 day target. Just got to get past the 14 days of my last go first.
There have been no instances of consecutive days for a good stretch now. While this is still only day 5, the last month has had very little porn.
It’s not where I need it to be, but I do feel like I am going in the right direction. The time between failures has gotten longer and longer. I am hoping this time I can hit my 30 day target. Just got to get past the 14 days of my last go first.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 6.
Almost one week down.
Almost one week down.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 7.
I’m starting to think about healthy habits. As I’ve been using less and less, I am left with an ever increasing gap of that needs to be filled in some way. Up until now, I have filled that with habits that are less healthy, such as tv and video games. While these things have been beneficial in keeping me distracted, they risk replacing one problem with another.
So I feel it is time I start phasing these out and look at ways to use my time in a more constructive way. With all the free time I am gaining the opportunities to use that time are endless, whether it be learning or creating something worthwhile.
I do not expect an instant shift to doing this. In the past when I have tried to do this, the too much too soon approach has stopped me before I’ve had a real chance to start. But if I start taking just a bit of that time and energy, and put it to something good, I think I could grow something really positive from the ashes of this addiction.
I’m starting to think about healthy habits. As I’ve been using less and less, I am left with an ever increasing gap of that needs to be filled in some way. Up until now, I have filled that with habits that are less healthy, such as tv and video games. While these things have been beneficial in keeping me distracted, they risk replacing one problem with another.
So I feel it is time I start phasing these out and look at ways to use my time in a more constructive way. With all the free time I am gaining the opportunities to use that time are endless, whether it be learning or creating something worthwhile.
I do not expect an instant shift to doing this. In the past when I have tried to do this, the too much too soon approach has stopped me before I’ve had a real chance to start. But if I start taking just a bit of that time and energy, and put it to something good, I think I could grow something really positive from the ashes of this addiction.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 8.
One week down, and I have day 14 in sight. My goal right now is to do better than last time.
One week down, and I have day 14 in sight. My goal right now is to do better than last time.
Blondie
Respected Member
Nice @Will Stalwart.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Back to day 1.
I was on the fence about whether or not to reset, as it was just a ‘quick look’. And I did pull myself away. But I had to ask myself the question of what that meant.
I am not here for half measures, and this is all or nothing for me. And an excuse like, just a look, will inevitably lead to more later on. I can’t leave myself that wiggle room.
So while I am annoyed I am bouncing back to day 1, I can take some assurance that it was not a huge failure, and that I pulled myself away. I am still indeed moving forward. So I’m going to try to keep my head up and push on.
Day 1 does not always mean going backwards.
I was on the fence about whether or not to reset, as it was just a ‘quick look’. And I did pull myself away. But I had to ask myself the question of what that meant.
I am not here for half measures, and this is all or nothing for me. And an excuse like, just a look, will inevitably lead to more later on. I can’t leave myself that wiggle room.
So while I am annoyed I am bouncing back to day 1, I can take some assurance that it was not a huge failure, and that I pulled myself away. I am still indeed moving forward. So I’m going to try to keep my head up and push on.
Day 1 does not always mean going backwards.
Blondie
Respected Member
Hey @Will Stalwart, congrats on being real with yourself and not making excuses. It is true, we're either in this all the way or we're not. It takes balls to say, "Alright, I didn't go all the way, but let's be honest here, it was a slight slip."
You got this man, being real with ourselves is the greatest help in our recoveries.
Best
You got this man, being real with ourselves is the greatest help in our recoveries.
Best
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Appreciate the words or support. And I agree, it’s not the same as loosing hours of my day to it. So I will treat it for what it was and not think on it further.
I’m still annoyed I’ve bounced myself back to day 1.
I’m still annoyed I’ve bounced myself back to day 1.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 2
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 3