Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 4
War of the cycle
- Thread starter Will Stalwart
- Start date
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 5
I’ve cleaned up some apps from my phone that were causing me to pick it up and mindlessly scroll. They had nothing to do with porn, but I realised when I picked up my phone I would never go straight to porn. Instead, I would open up something else and drift to it, almost like an excuse.
I’ve already felt how much easier it has made things, with the added bonus of freeing up a lot of my time that I wasted on staring at a screen.
I’ve cleaned up some apps from my phone that were causing me to pick it up and mindlessly scroll. They had nothing to do with porn, but I realised when I picked up my phone I would never go straight to porn. Instead, I would open up something else and drift to it, almost like an excuse.
I’ve already felt how much easier it has made things, with the added bonus of freeing up a lot of my time that I wasted on staring at a screen.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 6
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 7
Porn is something that still bring me a lot of frustration and shame, and it is something that has consumed too much of my life already. Even the slightest slip or stumble leaves me feeling miserable for days after, and that is on top of the constant underlying self loathing for allowing myself to get sucked into it at all. I don’t think I can ever shift that feeling in my stomach until I have left this behind for good.
But overall, I am now feeling more positive about this than I have in the past. Not the false positivity I try to tell myself to get myself through, but a genuine feeling that I am getting somewhere. That I have improved, and that there is hope.
It has been a long journey of ups and downs to get here, including instances of totally giving up on myself. But I keep coming back, and even though I have failed time and again, I am starting to see the light at the end of it all.
Does this mean I’m cured and will never watch porn again. Probably not, despite my desire for it to be otherwise. But if I do fail, I know I can come back here and try again until I succeed for good.
Porn is something that still bring me a lot of frustration and shame, and it is something that has consumed too much of my life already. Even the slightest slip or stumble leaves me feeling miserable for days after, and that is on top of the constant underlying self loathing for allowing myself to get sucked into it at all. I don’t think I can ever shift that feeling in my stomach until I have left this behind for good.
But overall, I am now feeling more positive about this than I have in the past. Not the false positivity I try to tell myself to get myself through, but a genuine feeling that I am getting somewhere. That I have improved, and that there is hope.
It has been a long journey of ups and downs to get here, including instances of totally giving up on myself. But I keep coming back, and even though I have failed time and again, I am starting to see the light at the end of it all.
Does this mean I’m cured and will never watch porn again. Probably not, despite my desire for it to be otherwise. But if I do fail, I know I can come back here and try again until I succeed for good.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 8
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 9
Worried about tomorrow as I post this after drinking (a lot). A consistent weak point of mine, I need to acknowledge the reality so I can avoid it when I wake up feeling like shit.
Worried about tomorrow as I post this after drinking (a lot). A consistent weak point of mine, I need to acknowledge the reality so I can avoid it when I wake up feeling like shit.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 1
Felt like shit after a night drinking with some friends. Gave into it. Nothing more to it than that.
Felt like shit after a night drinking with some friends. Gave into it. Nothing more to it than that.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Been a minute since I was here. Had some ups for sure but the last week has been a real spiral. Before I get into it, it might be worth warning those who are worried about relapse to click away.
It all started with throwing myself into a couple of projects. It kept my mind focused, and I had a great run.
Now as part of one on those projects I needed some images, and rather than scour the internet for what I was after had my worst idea in a long time. Let’s try Ai.
Now I’ve used Ai before in a text based capacity, and found it easy enough to navigate. For images it wasn’t much more difficult once the software was installed, and after ironing out some kinks, quickly got everything I needed. Of course anyone with any sense can realise what happened next.
Ai can make anything you want. A real problem for a porn addict. Once I’d started I was motivated to figure out everything. Honestly I can’t remember the last time I worked so hard to screw myself over. It is probably the most addictive thing I’ve dealt with in a long time.
Took over for days where I couldn’t resist. Deleting the damn software was even a challenge as I rationalised keeping it long after I should have. Saying I wouldn’t use it for porn. Until the next day.
It’s gone now. And a bloody big download, it will give me hours to reconsider before I do it again.
Deep down I know part of me knew what would happen once it was downloaded. But I did it anyway. Though I will say if this is any indication on the future of porn, there’s going to be a hell of a lot more people hooked.
Back on the wagon now, and the brain fog feels like the tail end of a hangover. But now, back to counting days. See you all tomorrow for day 1.
It all started with throwing myself into a couple of projects. It kept my mind focused, and I had a great run.
Now as part of one on those projects I needed some images, and rather than scour the internet for what I was after had my worst idea in a long time. Let’s try Ai.
Now I’ve used Ai before in a text based capacity, and found it easy enough to navigate. For images it wasn’t much more difficult once the software was installed, and after ironing out some kinks, quickly got everything I needed. Of course anyone with any sense can realise what happened next.
Ai can make anything you want. A real problem for a porn addict. Once I’d started I was motivated to figure out everything. Honestly I can’t remember the last time I worked so hard to screw myself over. It is probably the most addictive thing I’ve dealt with in a long time.
Took over for days where I couldn’t resist. Deleting the damn software was even a challenge as I rationalised keeping it long after I should have. Saying I wouldn’t use it for porn. Until the next day.
It’s gone now. And a bloody big download, it will give me hours to reconsider before I do it again.
Deep down I know part of me knew what would happen once it was downloaded. But I did it anyway. Though I will say if this is any indication on the future of porn, there’s going to be a hell of a lot more people hooked.
Back on the wagon now, and the brain fog feels like the tail end of a hangover. But now, back to counting days. See you all tomorrow for day 1.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 1.
Picked up a good book. Should keep me occupied while I get started.
Picked up a good book. Should keep me occupied while I get started.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 2. Pretty smooth sailing so far.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Busy couple of days, but that is good.
All clear since last time.
Day 5.
All clear since last time.
Day 5.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 6
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 7
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 8
Had a couple close calls but pulled myself back.
To help with the inevitable doom scrolling I deleted all apps that could pull me in. But what I have found is I still pick up my phone by habit as I look for something to do on it. So I have inadvertently created more risk of relapse.
To help this, and to also add a bit of self improvement, I have downloaded deepstash. It give you a more positive scrolling experience with books, learning, and other interesting things. No mind numbing garbage and no porn triggers. I’d recommend it to anyone who struggles with phone usage.
Had a couple close calls but pulled myself back.
To help with the inevitable doom scrolling I deleted all apps that could pull me in. But what I have found is I still pick up my phone by habit as I look for something to do on it. So I have inadvertently created more risk of relapse.
To help this, and to also add a bit of self improvement, I have downloaded deepstash. It give you a more positive scrolling experience with books, learning, and other interesting things. No mind numbing garbage and no porn triggers. I’d recommend it to anyone who struggles with phone usage.
DIMA-NBA
Active Member
Hey @Will Stalwart good job on deleting all the apps that are a trigger and thanks for sharing the deepstash app, I just checked it out and it looks like a great app!
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Been a minute since I posted here. But I have not given up yet.
Once again I’m here to remind myself and to get my head back in the right place. Things have slid recently after what was a good run.
I’m used to the cycle now, but that doesn’t mean I like it. I will continue to push through until I break it.
I have some strategies that have been working well for me. I just need to focus on them and push past this downer.
Once again I’m here to remind myself and to get my head back in the right place. Things have slid recently after what was a good run.
I’m used to the cycle now, but that doesn’t mean I like it. I will continue to push through until I break it.
I have some strategies that have been working well for me. I just need to focus on them and push past this downer.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
Back on a full technology detox.
While I was away from here. I had a very good porn free stretch, and it all started with a week of very limited technology. I kept away from them while doing other things, making sure to be present in what I was doing.
It was strange to be going about life without things to distract me, and honestly at first I felt depressed as my mind went to all the places I was clearly trying to avoid. But with time I began to appreciate simple tasks like cooking again. Began to appreciate being present in my own life.
During other attempts I have used mindless scrolling and video games to distract me from porn with limited success. They simply took the place of porn in my life, and so I never got the chance to start recovering, the ever present itch just growing and growing. I used them to fill that same void, so it persisted.
The monster will not go away unless we stop feeding it, and this is the way I have to do it if I want a measure of success.
While I was away from here. I had a very good porn free stretch, and it all started with a week of very limited technology. I kept away from them while doing other things, making sure to be present in what I was doing.
It was strange to be going about life without things to distract me, and honestly at first I felt depressed as my mind went to all the places I was clearly trying to avoid. But with time I began to appreciate simple tasks like cooking again. Began to appreciate being present in my own life.
During other attempts I have used mindless scrolling and video games to distract me from porn with limited success. They simply took the place of porn in my life, and so I never got the chance to start recovering, the ever present itch just growing and growing. I used them to fill that same void, so it persisted.
The monster will not go away unless we stop feeding it, and this is the way I have to do it if I want a measure of success.
Will Stalwart
Active Member
I often feel like I should be doing more with my time and life. That is not to say that I am an entirely unproductive member of society, I work hard, I exercise, I interact with the people around me.
It’s just that there are things I would like to do for myself that I put off, often for porn. I struggle to get started on that one thing, often taking the easier road instead. I am trying to break this pattern and feel like it is absolutely linked with the porn addiction itself. And I cannot recover from porn without also fixing this difficulty I have with internally motivating myself.
Oftentimes getting started on a task is much harder than even resisting porn. I know I want to do these thing. I even know I will enjoy these things. But my mind will not make that move to action.
It is something I cannot continue to sideline, and I need to force myself to make these moves and believe that it will ultimately help with the porn too.
It’s just that there are things I would like to do for myself that I put off, often for porn. I struggle to get started on that one thing, often taking the easier road instead. I am trying to break this pattern and feel like it is absolutely linked with the porn addiction itself. And I cannot recover from porn without also fixing this difficulty I have with internally motivating myself.
Oftentimes getting started on a task is much harder than even resisting porn. I know I want to do these thing. I even know I will enjoy these things. But my mind will not make that move to action.
It is something I cannot continue to sideline, and I need to force myself to make these moves and believe that it will ultimately help with the porn too.