Alast, Back on the Path to PMO Sobriety
- Thread starter NYC
- Start date
NYC
Member
I wanted to share how I snatched defeat from the jaws of victory! As journaled in Setp 2023, my wife discovered me watching porn and jerking.....that let to very open, honest conversation during which she said she could not compete with that, she felt I did not want her. As a backdrop, in @ 2013 a doc tested me for testerone level and said you are normal, but dont you want to be "optimal"? That led to overdosing me and my body prosucing too much estrogen and I experienced my first failure during a couple private spa time on a crusie, i never before lost an erection during intercourse. Had a subsequent experience in bed a day later and from there but my head psych game was on, and her, you dont find me attractive anymore was on. My anxiety grew with each subsquent attempt, years passed, a few successfully intercourse but I had subbing P amd MO. Prior to 1st ED episode i could go 3 or 4 times a week and sometimes 2+x a day, so I have a high sex drive. The PMO then left me spent and I avoided sex on 2 front, 1. Fear of failure and 2. I had blew my wad to P and started finding sex with partner less capable. Until being discoverd last Sept, some 10 year later, at this point we had not had sex in 4 years, I went 90+ days No P, went 24 days no MO. Parts dont still work as well, so Viagra and Edex are in play, hopefully juat until to restore confidence to maintain an erection. We had successful sex two days in a row in Dec, and once on like Jan 2, but I did not O, so she felt it was her. I need to learn to go slower and allow more build up. I was feeling great, was feeling highly attracted to her in many ways, not just sexually. She got a yeast infection, then various colds and just not feeling good. I had tremedous urges and relapsed to old behaviors and kept justifying, just this once, then chaser effect kicks in, no sexual relations since Jan 2, then caught Jul 6. No P since, MOd 3x since. I wrote a 5 page letter, that I read out loud to my wife. It was very therapeutic. I owned and accepted responsibility for my weakness, cheating ways, because it is cheating, in ways. Trust is severely compromised. I violated our wedding vows. Thank God above she seems to be still wanting me, she is one of the most forgiving persons I know. It is a slow , daily process. I Can feel dopamine clearing out. My mind is not fuzzy, my vision is clearer. Mood has evened last few days. Getting erections absent of any P type anthing. This is dangerous because i feel like I need to release. I do ask guys on here here how you go so long without MO, if you are not having sex, how do you ignore or avoid the erections, touching having that feel of euphoric release? If you have gone long periods of no MO and then have sex, do you find it easy or difficult to orgasm?
chap
Active Member
i appreciate u a lot for sharing, @NYC ! i’m actually a virgin and have never had penetrative sex; however, i have in the past three months have been very fortunate to be in a sexual relationship consisting of very passionate kissing and touching. as of now, i am going 16 days strong of no P and 3 days no MO! it’s very difficult, more the latter than the former. i’m not as turned on by P anymore bc i think of my lady A LOT more. but i still have very strong urges to MO to my lady, but want to abstain from MO to really separate the association between P and MO. i try to ride out my erection and let it subside (if i’m hard in my bed, i usually like to thrust, rub, and hump my bed and usually think about my lady. that seems to help) i hope that was helpful, although i don’t have much to say in this matter. keep fighting!
NYC
Member
Day 17 - No P
Day - 0 - No MO
Empty pure thoughts of nothing, relaxed, naked on porch, got a spontaneous hardon and lost myself in self pleasuring, no reason of pay back, pissed of or anything, not even stress, just feeling of release and being one with myself. Woke up with a hardon. I beleive the kegel regime is having positive effect on erections.
Day - 0 - No MO
Empty pure thoughts of nothing, relaxed, naked on porch, got a spontaneous hardon and lost myself in self pleasuring, no reason of pay back, pissed of or anything, not even stress, just feeling of release and being one with myself. Woke up with a hardon. I beleive the kegel regime is having positive effect on erections.
