Blondie
Respected Member
Real close to 200 @Freerider! Keep killing it. 
Brother in this battle - My path to freedom
- Thread starter Freerider
- Start date
Day 197 and 20.
I'm sick in that fucking flu still, still I need work and work and try to find better workplace. every fucking day. They pay on partly, but the requirement from people around me seems to be for every day. even when sick.
Feeling sad and disappointed. Probably to myself too. And to the world,in big picture I have received much good, and the world has treated me well. Still, it feels bad to be partially laid off and I feel like I'm not good for anything. At the moment it feels like that i am loser. Has my value decreased on work market so much that there are no jobs, no one is fit for me and the wife only looks at me through work and that's it. Couple weeks went i have had 4 job interviews. Thats not bad.
Anyways I feel bad. I feel like loser.
I took a morning beer and sitting crying, which probably is not the right way to solve things. But I feel feelings and that good, and I can name things which anxiate me. Thats something.
I wanted to change my life, concestrate on good things and concentrate things I can influence. Now i am here. I feel lonely. I feel i cant manage it. But i dont care about feelings.
I don't avoid difficult things, I don't go into attractive fantasy worlds. Dont go watching porn. Dont go avoid real world even its hard.
I will manage it. I will make changes to good i want. I want to love my wife and i trust she love me more than just about where i work or about just that. I believe in true love. Fuck the world, i will survive and with my family! There has to be good days because we already have seen bad ones too.. i dont want just happy days but i want to have effort and trust to go through the hard ones too.
I'm sick in that fucking flu still, still I need work and work and try to find better workplace. every fucking day. They pay on partly, but the requirement from people around me seems to be for every day. even when sick.
Feeling sad and disappointed. Probably to myself too. And to the world,in big picture I have received much good, and the world has treated me well. Still, it feels bad to be partially laid off and I feel like I'm not good for anything. At the moment it feels like that i am loser. Has my value decreased on work market so much that there are no jobs, no one is fit for me and the wife only looks at me through work and that's it. Couple weeks went i have had 4 job interviews. Thats not bad.
Anyways I feel bad. I feel like loser.
I took a morning beer and sitting crying, which probably is not the right way to solve things. But I feel feelings and that good, and I can name things which anxiate me. Thats something.
I wanted to change my life, concestrate on good things and concentrate things I can influence. Now i am here. I feel lonely. I feel i cant manage it. But i dont care about feelings.
I don't avoid difficult things, I don't go into attractive fantasy worlds. Dont go watching porn. Dont go avoid real world even its hard.
I will manage it. I will make changes to good i want. I want to love my wife and i trust she love me more than just about where i work or about just that. I believe in true love. Fuck the world, i will survive and with my family! There has to be good days because we already have seen bad ones too.. i dont want just happy days but i want to have effort and trust to go through the hard ones too.
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Day 199 and 0. I'm frustrated and tired, I'm starting from zero with m number. Tomorrow big day without p. do I believe that I am in the same situation as 200 days ago. perhaps. Actually I have more resources now than then, I have to use them right. Still step by step, because life is hard if try too much all the time but if i concentrate to take easy and go to the right direction to healthy life.
I find very positive the fact that you remember so precisely your emotional situation from 200 days ago, Freerider. You can look at yourself objectively because of this. I can oly tell you that yes!, there will come better, much better days. Just forget about P and look forward
!Little early but its over midnight so can say that day 200 without porn and 1 without m. Next twohundred days will be even better, now I have had brainfog and problems with sex and everything. It will be still reboot but hopely going forward to sober life where i have selfesteem and trust to myself more. Fucking crazy, never trust to myself to get these numbers on scoreboard! Keep going guys! We will win this war although lose some battles sometimes!!!
Percival
Active Member
Little early but its over midnight so can say that day 200 without porn and 1 without m. Next twohundred days will be even better, now I have had brainfog and problems with sex and everything. It will be still reboot but hopely going forward to sober life where i have selfesteem and trust to myself more. Fucking crazy, never trust to myself to get these numbers on scoreboard! Keep going guys! We will win this war although lose some battles sometimes!!!
That's the attitude! It doesn't matter how many battles we lose (or how badly we lose) as long as we get back up and keep fighting. Never surrender!
Day 206 and 7. Actually its just over midnight so day 207 and 8 starts now. Three days worked and now some rest. Its hard and easy depends on what part of life i am thinking.
I want to rest and respect myself, i want to work as hard as needed. Stay with my family and friends and relatives. No fear or when i fear i still try my best and go forward. Keep going, we will win this war!
I want to rest and respect myself, i want to work as hard as needed. Stay with my family and friends and relatives. No fear or when i fear i still try my best and go forward. Keep going, we will win this war!
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Day 209 and 0. I did masturbation, 10-20 days went without that m, so weak i am still. Main competition is that no more porn, but also i dont want to confuse my head with m if can be without it. I have tried so much but somehow meaningful life would be best medicine for avoiding to m. I havent concentrate all the good things in my life so much yet. I try to concestrate again more on good things, not only avoiding bad things. Somehow when bank account is quite empty its easily go to highway to hell and on to old habits. Have to be strong, have to have trust to future. Have to smile. Life is good. Thanks guys for supporting me! Try to support you more also.
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Day 214 and 2. I am tired but happy. I trust the future and at the same time I'm scared. it's good that I feel emotions. even bad feelings, I try to learn to face them. pmo the first step is to be without porn etc, the next steps are numerous and they include facing emotions, tolerating fear and negative emotions, facing traumas. Build fulfilling life. somehow i think i have taken huge step already but on the other hand and i am starting it. Its important build the new life every day, otherwise we are just prisoner outside of prison and counting days (which is important also but not the only thing in life).