Percival
Active Member
It's so much harder when your willpower is low, which happens when you're sick. Good for you for keeping going anyway!
Brother in this battle - My path to freedom
- Thread starter Freerider
- Start date
It's so much harder when your willpower is low, which happens when you're sick. Good for you for keeping going anyway!
Day 263 and 1.
Lotus flowers, watch out for them! They numb you away from important things into a numbing artificial reality.
I watched a movie where casino customers were offered lotus flower pastries, which numbed all thoughts and worries and allowed them to focus on playing and enjoying themselves.
Now is the moment of truth. I have to do sales, apply for jobs, get paid and do billable work, be with my family, be a husband for my wife, be a father for my children. Being honest to myself, not run away. Now is the wake up call! How I use this second change?
My body is screaming to eat that lotus flower cake and stop worrying and being afraid. I say fuck it, I don't eat!!! I face my fear, I'm a scared bastard and even if I fail, I look that feeling in the eye!
Day without porn is over 260 and I have high difficulties now. One reason is I am frustrated and disappointed. I dont know how everything goes but i want to be sober from that porn shit.
Lotus flowers, watch out for them! They numb you away from important things into a numbing artificial reality.
I watched a movie where casino customers were offered lotus flower pastries, which numbed all thoughts and worries and allowed them to focus on playing and enjoying themselves.
Now is the moment of truth. I have to do sales, apply for jobs, get paid and do billable work, be with my family, be a husband for my wife, be a father for my children. Being honest to myself, not run away. Now is the wake up call! How I use this second change?
My body is screaming to eat that lotus flower cake and stop worrying and being afraid. I say fuck it, I don't eat!!! I face my fear, I'm a scared bastard and even if I fail, I look that feeling in the eye!
Day without porn is over 260 and I have high difficulties now. One reason is I am frustrated and disappointed. I dont know how everything goes but i want to be sober from that porn shit.
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Day 271 and 1. I have been quite depressed while sex with my wife doesnt work. Also worried about all finances and work etc. I hope i have learned something while these reboot days so i can get my life back and live it just normal without wholetime chasing some feeling or avoiding truth or life.
Day 273 and 3. emotions go on a roller coaster. I think I'm happy because I made love with my wife this morning. And I got mojo which has been missing.. 
I am, but I still feel empty somehow and feel bad when I realized that work issues is not progressing as I hoped.
now I have to joy in success, be patient with difficult things and do my best every day without worryingtoo much. Keep going, hope you surviving better than I with this reboot..
I am, but I still feel empty somehow and feel bad when I realized that work issues is not progressing as I hoped.
now I have to joy in success, be patient with difficult things and do my best every day without worryingtoo much. Keep going, hope you surviving better than I with this reboot..
Day 277 and 0. I have been struggling with myself. justified to myself why I am entitled to masturbate when having difficulties in sex and thought that it is an exercise for the penis, which has become flabby during the break.
it doesn't make any sense, apparently I'm addicted and to all the new possibilities i try to choose the same old option. now I made a decision to come down and let the penis be. it works when it's time, and it already worked from the beginning of the week, even though the feelings and thoughts didn't. I try to calm down to presence all the time. Keep going!
Hard times shows how i manage this, and it looks that i need to focus on reboot little more.
I choose real life, not the world of imagination. I choose my wife, not any jerking world. I choose connection with people, not lonely hiding in the world of porn.
it doesn't make any sense, apparently I'm addicted and to all the new possibilities i try to choose the same old option. now I made a decision to come down and let the penis be. it works when it's time, and it already worked from the beginning of the week, even though the feelings and thoughts didn't. I try to calm down to presence all the time. Keep going!
Hard times shows how i manage this, and it looks that i need to focus on reboot little more.
I choose real life, not the world of imagination. I choose my wife, not any jerking world. I choose connection with people, not lonely hiding in the world of porn.
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Day 278 and 1. somehow I see colors more clearly in life. despite my panicking, in the big picture I have made progress in the relationship with my wife. and somehow the functioning of the penis is dependent on mental issues inside the head now. it's been quite a long time since I stop from porn poisoning. this morning my penis worked when needed. it feels like life might start smiling after a long time!
Day 281 and 4.
I DO work for myself and that is surely the best and strongest foundation for everything. I'm not going to please others and invalidate myself anymore. I'm on my side here."
"I want to start taking responsibility for those feelings, because I never want to start addiction because of them again.
I've only now realized with sobriety how much bullying has affected me and still affects me.” Thoughts from newspaper article about sobering alcoholic person but so true for me also.
I DO work for myself and that is surely the best and strongest foundation for everything. I'm not going to please others and invalidate myself anymore. I'm on my side here."
"I want to start taking responsibility for those feelings, because I never want to start addiction because of them again.
I've only now realized with sobriety how much bullying has affected me and still affects me.” Thoughts from newspaper article about sobering alcoholic person but so true for me also.
Blondie
Respected Member
Looking good @Freerider. I have a great porn-free Sunday!
Day 290 and 1. Day by day, try to focus on good, but relapsed for masturbation. I am quite sure that when i can handle my masturbation it is key for better, more free life. My relationship to sex is still not totally healthy. I try to have it so much it might be craving more than love.
I started new sport, i study my work skills, i try to get new job. I am scared a little but somehow i trust that i can handle this, i feel i have got my ability to sex back. Mostly how i can handle afraid of failure is key for success or not. I also talked with doctor about it and got some good ideas and help. So really I recommend it if the problems and flatline continue.
sometimes it would seem that professional help would be necessary and would help more than persistence itself. this group is more valuable than gold to me and the basis for this reboot work. but would it be easier to talk if there was a professional person to talk to?
But still i have to fix my head and my wrong habits. Stop accustomed operating patterns. to boot me. move from plans and talk to action. Thats what i concentrate and have concentrated 290 days already, fucking awesome that!
And i might have learn english with this reboot also, weird positive things
I started new sport, i study my work skills, i try to get new job. I am scared a little but somehow i trust that i can handle this, i feel i have got my ability to sex back. Mostly how i can handle afraid of failure is key for success or not. I also talked with doctor about it and got some good ideas and help. So really I recommend it if the problems and flatline continue.
sometimes it would seem that professional help would be necessary and would help more than persistence itself. this group is more valuable than gold to me and the basis for this reboot work. but would it be easier to talk if there was a professional person to talk to?
But still i have to fix my head and my wrong habits. Stop accustomed operating patterns. to boot me. move from plans and talk to action. Thats what i concentrate and have concentrated 290 days already, fucking awesome that!
And i might have learn english with this reboot also, weird positive things
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Percival
Active Member
And i might have learn english with this reboot also, weird positive things
Great job on both fronts, @Freerider! Getting to a mature and healthy spot in this whole complicated thing is a long, long process. I really don't know if professional help would help: I know plenty of alcoholics get professional help and still relapse, so not necessarily. All I can say is what I tell myself: are you better and more mature today than you were 3 months/6 months/1 year ago, even with the flaws that remain? Then you're doing well.
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