Day 397 and 0. Hi, i'm Freerider. i'm an addict. i jerked off and messed around with masturbation for a few days. i didn't watch porn but i know i went over the line with what i want from my sexual life. it feels like shit. i kicked the cravings and i'm back on the reboot path as a beaten man.
Brother in this battle - My path to freedom
- Thread starter Freerider
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Day 398 and 0. Couldnt sleep and start day trying to escape from pain with masturbation. Felt like shit, didnt help.
nature of addiction:
-Pleasure dominance (reward system disorder)
-Increasing tolerance
-Withdrawal symptoms (someone reminds you to go back)
-Compulsion and loss of power. Compulsion to repeat cycles.
-Seeking reward and avoiding pain. The disease progresses from seeking reward to avoiding pain. (pain-sensitive with some things) hurts all the time
-The object of addiction becomes the center of everything (the world of values narrows)
-Denial and lying that one is not addicted
-Spiral, cyclical nature.
-External factors
-Illusion of control
Try to keep going with reboot. It is real life.
nature of addiction:
-Pleasure dominance (reward system disorder)
-Increasing tolerance
-Withdrawal symptoms (someone reminds you to go back)
-Compulsion and loss of power. Compulsion to repeat cycles.
-Seeking reward and avoiding pain. The disease progresses from seeking reward to avoiding pain. (pain-sensitive with some things) hurts all the time
-The object of addiction becomes the center of everything (the world of values narrows)
-Denial and lying that one is not addicted
-Spiral, cyclical nature.
-External factors
-Illusion of control
Try to keep going with reboot. It is real life.
Day 399 and 1. It seems to me that after almost four hundred days, life is a groping on the edge of the dark. Yesterday I wrote a letter to myself. And to God. It was a prayer. It was a spell. With which I wanted to bring out the hidden and dark corners of my innermost being. To confess the dark thoughts and ghosts of the past. Then I read it out loud. I prayed. And finally I burned the letter in the fireplace. I don't want to carry the ghosts of the past with me. Towards a healthier life!
Day 403 and 5. Doing some sport, job application and one job interview. Going great! 
I have learned that a bad habit must be made difficult and a good and desired habit must be made easy. Addiction makes the brain cloud and only sees the bad option. You have to let go of it. My breaking free from addiction is not a straight line, it is a wave or a loop where better times are followed by harder times and one's own strength is followed by collapse and exhaustion. Little by little, the bad layers of the onion are peeled away.
I have learned that a bad habit must be made difficult and a good and desired habit must be made easy. Addiction makes the brain cloud and only sees the bad option. You have to let go of it. My breaking free from addiction is not a straight line, it is a wave or a loop where better times are followed by harder times and one's own strength is followed by collapse and exhaustion. Little by little, the bad layers of the onion are peeled away.
Blondie
Respected Member
Hey @Freerider, boy is this the truth. I'm still dealing with this myself at times. As you say, it is getting better, it just takes time and trusting in the process.
Best
Best
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Percival
Active Member
Good luck to you! I've been there: I know how scary and self-doubt-creating it is. If you believe the manager-posts on LinkedIn, however, something like 90% of the applicants are utterly useless (not as in they think they are, but they literally have no idea how to do the job description), so chances are you're better qualified than you think you are.
Day 450 and 1. I put social media with limited 15min time per day for me. Noticed that i used too much time there and insta show some videos for me which are not good for reboot. Now i can check my friends updates but 15min is so short time that i cant watch videos or stay all the time in instagram when it is procrastinated.
Day 453 and 4. I have done good stuff during winter but still i am interested quite much about mastubation. It's been a tough winter. I still think and fear too much about sex and that sometimes causes me to fail in sex with my wife. Right now I feel like I've failed, I was too stressed and the sex didn't work out. Worrying maybe didnt help me. I'll continue the reboot journey and trust that life will carry me through.