Ready to Quit

Zeile

Zeile

Active Member
Hi. I was here sometime last year and faded away and returned to unhealthy behaviors. I can’t guarantee I’ll be the most reflective and responsive on this forum, but I can guarantee I will give my best effort to eradicate porn from my life. My wife and I have been working hard on our relationship and are making great strides. I’m ready to make this positive change in my life starting right now. I’ve got all I need sleeping next to me.
 
Zeile

Zeile

Active Member
Day 2 - I feel way more ready and motivated to quit porn as compared to my original effort. Last time I was still watching videos of track and field events from time to time as a visual stimulus that sometimes led to masturbation. Last time I was lying to myself (but justified it as OK because it wasn’t “porn”).

Now, I want honesty above all. It is the cornerstone of my own mental health and desire to reconnect with my wife. We’ve started couples therapy and it’s been great so far. I have not brought up porn at all, but she’s expressed worry that I don’t find her new body attractive. I say all the right things, but I worry that porn has seriously fucked up my brain. I may bring this up next week. Tough topic, but I’m finding that exposing unspoken frustrations and insecurities through therapy is really helping our intimacy. I am scared to broach the subject of porn due to my own shame and fear that she’ll feel betrayed. Quitting is a necessary first step to moving forward.

Any advice on how to handle this?
 
Zeile

Zeile

Active Member
Day 3 - I've been super busy since returning. Haven't really had any desire to seek out porn of any kind. I think I learned quite a bit from my last half-assed effort. All in for myself and my family.
 
joepanic

joepanic

Respected Member
Does your wife know you watched porn at all? Coming clean of it to your wife if she did not know is a controversial topic here. My wife knew before we were married that i surfed porn. She does not know that I became somewhat addicted to it. I've also mentioned in passing that I don't bother with it anymore. But even mentioning it here that I kept the addiction a secret from her has really gotten under the skin of some members. I would think it's best for you to decide how to live your life. If your moving down a path that is working right now why change it?
 
Zeile

Zeile

Active Member
Day 4 - Thanks for the input joepanic. I think for now I will just keep it to myself. But if the topic comes up, 100% full disclosure. My wife struggles with body positivity issues, so me quitting porn can be nothing but healthy. I fear that she’ll feel I see her as inadequate if I bring up my struggles with porn.
 
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Zeile

Zeile

Active Member
Day 5 - I remember this being easy until it wasn’t. I’m WAY more aware of ogling women through sports especially. For me, that was like quitting booze by sipping Coors Light.
 
Zeile

Zeile

Active Member
Day 7 - sex life is improving. Desire and confidence are back. Lazily scrolling through photos felt harmless until the light bulb went off for me. I truly feel a different level of commitment or gravitas this time.
 
Zeile

Zeile

Active Member
Ha! After mentioning commitment and another fancy pants word, I totally forgot to post here yesterday. I wasn’t online much, so never even crossed my mind.

Day 9 will be clean!
 
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Zeile

Zeile

Active Member
Day 11 - heading out this morning to be a volunteer spotter at a disc golf tournament. I chose to drop out from playing so I could attend my kids’ soccer game and marching band parade. Busy family day yesterday, so it’ll be nice this morning to kick it with a novel in the woods and make sure people don’t lose frisbees. Porn was always a very isolating thing for me, and since cutting it off, I’ve been enjoying other people more.

On the flip side, I didn’t sleep well Friday night due to some work stress, and there were urges in the evening that I mindlessly would have fulfilled in the past. My wife had fallen asleep in our son’s room. I moved my phone out of the bedroom and that helped me relax.
 
Zeile

Zeile

Active Member
Day 13 - Whoa! My addict voice is kicking in right now. My family is gone for the evening, and I haven’t had sex for about a week. So, I’m here posting. Then, gonna mow the lawn. Then I’ll do something else productive. I am in control of my actions. But, shit, that other voice is still strong. Rewiring the brain doesn’t happen overnight.
 
Zeile

Zeile

Active Member
Day 14 - staying busy quiets the voice. Isn’t there some saying about idle hands doing the devil’s business? Can’t stay busy at all times, but I’ll be aware when the urge arises next.
 
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Zeile

Zeile

Active Member
Day 16 - holy shit. Too tired to even think about porn. Actually, this would be prime time for mindless crotch scrolling. Ridiculous.
 
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