Day 6.
Thanks all for your support. Looking at dates and days it appears today is day 6 not day 5, which in the greater scheme of things means really nothing at all, but it is still a nice little win to have an extra day added to the tally!
I've started tracking my mood, motivation and urges on a daily basis to see the trend (out of 5) so that will hopefully provide some interesting data at the end of my 90 days. 90 days is my initial goal, though I think 200 days would be more reasonable of a reset. 200 days would be 5 may 2026, 90 days January 15th -> I think, given my extended use and multiple relapses (particularly off long streaks - sometiems 60-80days) 200 might be a better aim in terms of a decent reset.
So my plan is to target 200 days and see how I feel. Ultimately, I don't want to go back to using. Ideally I'd leave porn behind completely. I feel that the non-P me is far more energetic, motivated and invovled in life and I don't want to return to the sneaking and hiding and wanking that forms my past self.
I've finished reading The Porn Trap. I'd recommend it to anyone that feels they need a thorough understanding and look at porn addiction. The authors have spent a lot of time working with users and addicts and I can relate to a number of the stories in the book (of previous users). The most motivating chapter is probably the last chapter -> where ex addicts talk about how they've given up porn use (sometimes for years!) and how their lives are so much better, and WHY they're living such more enriching lives without porn.
Another key theme that resonated with me was RELAPSING. How many damn times have I relapsed after 7 days, 14 days, 10 days. Sometimes i'll go 20 days if things get in the way of my usual 7-10 day horniness cycle and block the chance of a relapse --> come home, get bored, day 20 --> watch some porn. It's a repeatitive cycle that I've been doing for many many years. But I wanted to share their schematic of the relapse process (credit to Wendy and Larry Maltz of the porn trap --> let me know mods if I'm not allowed to share this) --> essentually, while we're avoiding porn, we go throuigh phases of which we're in the "PORN FREE ZONE" with no interest or thought of porn use. Then we move into the "TRIGGER TERRITORY" where we get horny, or bored (I quite like the HALT acronym but could add B to it : Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired + Bored).. and here we become succeptible to urges and start moving down the levels whch they label as "the relapse zone" (for me: my brain goes: it won't hurt one quick use of porn; go on -> it's only 5 days, you can be back at this point in 5 days time, just make yourself feel better... --> and thend own the rabbit whole we go).
The key, they outline, is to recognise when you're falling into this path and use methods to SHOCK yourself out of this familiar trend. One client of theirs yelled out "DANGER ZONE" and I have started to do that (spoken, not yelled in case my neighbours think I've gone mad). But it has helped me reset my horniness and become aware of the path I am absent mindedly heading down.
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To move to another thing I wanted to discuss, in this book they mention the 6 key steps that recovering users of porn must engage to break free. Ultimately, if you don't do all these 6 steps, they have seen it hard to become totally free of porn's tenticles. They call them the 'Six basic action steps':
1. Tell someone of your porn problem - therapist, close other, friend
2. get involved in a gtreatment program - join a 12 step, get a therapist, etc
3. create a porn free environemnt
4. establish 24hr support and accountabilty
5. take care of emotiional and physical health
6. star thealing sexuality
I've started with 3,5 and 6 --> I've decided no MO for the next 6 months (!), and started being healthier in terms of exercise. I've already made a porn free environment for myself here.
Ultimately I will need to do 1,2 and 4 eventually - some of these ones are the more daunting steps because they involve opening up to others about my problems.
The book says you have to do all 6 to break free completelty - and that's from their experience of porn addicts. I don't know if that is true but they seem to be fairly experienced in this so I am keen to try to follow all 6 - it just will take some courage and effort to get through the remaininig 3/6 that I haven't started yet. I loooked up a 12 step program online - there are in person or online meetings in my local area - but I haven't had the courage yet to join them or check them out.
