Tail between my legs, but tired of the "I can do it myself" attitude.

Rookie

Active Member
It's been 3.5 yrs, I had a 6 month long streak. Felt great. Now, 3.5 yrs later, wife is a bikini athlete at 51, has absolutely no interest in sex, her anxiety is so high lately. Sex, might be once every 2 months, when I do bring it up it's always "why are you so addicted, I don't need it anymore, you're just going to have to deal with it, or handle it yourself".
Being a Christian, married to her for 20 yrs this October, I don't want to say divorce is on the table, but she's obsessed with social media (phone in one hand and charger in the other all over the house) and I have been completely ignored unless she needs something.

Yeah, life isn't great. Sex is about 6 - 8 times per year. I work 7 days a week since July 2022 to keep up with the cost of everything. Even if divorce was an option, no way could either of us afford to live on our own, even though we each make a bit over 50k per year.

So, suffice to say, I'm tired of chasing the screen again when I'm denied and rejected. If we're going to be roommates, I would rather be a roommate that has goals and drives towards them. Even though I feel completely deflated when I'm screamed at for not sure what.

So, a bit of a long post to say, I'm back, tired, and motivated.
 

GBS

Respected Member
Hi @Rookie - thanks for posting. Difficult to give you advice. We’re not professionals on here although sometimes we act like we are. I would suggest couples therapy. Wanting sex more than once a month does NOT make you a sex addict. But being driven into a hole where you might watch porn to substitute for a sex life is not a nice situation to be in. I promise you I understand. I had to admit my failings to my wife and we are rebuilding from there. But it takes two people to fix it. You can fix yourself of course and hope that helps the process, but I think you probably both need outside help.

Good luck. Don’t go down the pornography route please. It is hell in there. It is NOT the solution (even if your wife implies it is).
 

Rookie

Active Member
Hi @Rookie - thanks for posting. Difficult to give you advice. We’re not professionals on here although sometimes we act like we are. I would suggest couples therapy. Wanting sex more than once a month does NOT make you a sex addict. But being driven into a hole where you might watch porn to substitute for a sex life is not a nice situation to be in. I promise you I understand. I had to admit my failings to my wife and we are rebuilding from there. But it takes two people to fix it. You can fix yourself of course and hope that helps the process, but I think you probably both need outside help.

Good luck. Don’t go down the pornography route please. It is hell in there. It is NOT the solution (even if your wife implies it is).
Going to be a long haul. She refuses to get outside help.
 
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Percival

Active Member
Glad to see you @Rookie! Christian here too and I fully understand the challenge and the temptation, and I'm sorry it's so hard for you. And I agree with @GBS: addressing the root problem is likely going to take counseling. Even if she won't talk, you might see what kind of outside help is available to you yourself, either professionally or through your church.

But even if absolutely nothing else changes, taking charge of your sexual life is the way to go, and I admire that in you.
 
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