[Towards Activation]

Insight.2

Member
Day 45 non-PMO. Seems like I found a personal recipe that yields results.

Yesterday was Day 14 of my new daily training program. This daily, non-negotiable form of activation has led me towards action in other ways through the days.

The way I see it, is that I have been passively accumulating energy with my 45 days of non-PMO. But this energy was not given order and form yet, so its potential was never really used.

Daily physical activity, as simple as doing 3 rounds of holding "The plank" + 3 rounds of push-ups, created instant results. It felt good! to push to the max. For constructive purposes. The satisfaction/pride afterwards... as I keep a part of that drive that I just created to head to the shower. Then, the body aches the next day. It feels so... satisfying. ! I swear, I've been feeling more alive since.

Around Day 30 of non-PMO, which corresponds to the first 3 days that I began the daily exercising, which I have now updated to include holding "The chair" + some yoga following a Youtube video and/or a bike ride, I literally felt... mainly good. At least, head out of the water. What an unexpected surprise!! ... at this stage. Contrary to my baseline which has been for years feeling just oh so heavy, depressed, anxious, down to the point of great distress and discouragement... now I felt lighter, I felt some drive, and felt a will to be and to do! I *wanted* to actually *live* !

Ever since these 3 days, I've been having moments where this kind of energy has been coming back. I've been riding a sawtooth-shaped rollercoaster, really. But now, I can't deny that there *is* a force that exists in me, that *is* able to 1. do stuff 2. think nice, useful things 3. to improve. I got so low. Been lingering there for so much time. And now, there is a momentum! A force that is pulling towards a direction. Many directions, actually.
 
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Insight.2

Member

--- Friday, July 26th, 2024 (Day 48) ---​


Waking up. Harsh, as usual. Day 48 no PMO. Day 35 without coffee – replaced by Yerba Maté + Matcha 18 days ago. Today will also be Day 18 of my daily physical training.

Things have changed since the beginning of my daily training. From the first day, I’ve seen results. To give my everything for what, 10 minutes a day? has been programming me for more action in my daily life. Leading to less time and energy sinking in apathy and depression.

During diverse periods of activation, I could feel the lightness, the motivation, the inspiration, the drive, the hope... to the point of feeling actual joy!!! To the point of feeling a lively will to live... !

Periods of undeniable, exciting good feelings and morale, and also crashes to down low have been alternating, often suddenly. Seems like the lows are getting less and less low. They also last for a lesser time.
 

Insight.2

Member

--- Saturday, July 27th, 2024 (Day 49) ---​


Day 49. It feels special to write it out. I am honestly surprised, positively surprised. Tomorrow will be Day 50! , do I write with an optimistic nib. 50%! of Phase 1 of my journey : my very own Reboot.

Yesterday was not easy. Not from a tentation-related point of view (whereas it got pretty difficult at times lately), but rather because of my energy and morale. I got very low. Then, after an attempt for a nap, I finally proceeded with my training of the day. Things started to look up!

1:17 PM in this moment. I only ate a few peanuts and a granola bar for breakfast. I have been feeling quite “high” for the last hour ; high on yerba maté, matcha, abstinence, physical activity?

I will soon leave for a bike ride. I’ll bring an extra granola bar that I’ll be happy to eat on my way. I prefer eating light today. I’ve been having a lot of trouble with digestion lately. Then, it’ll be laundry time. And then, gaming with my cousin tonight online! Let’s go.
 

Insight.2

Member
Yesterday was an “almost perfect” Saturday. My standards having dropped to extremely low, it was a very welcome surprise to realize that I didn’t entertain many self-sabotaging thoughts, and when I did, it wasn’t for long, compared to what I’m used to. Quite the bike ride as well. I was gone for a good 2-3 hours, and I made it to the waterfalls that I’ve been wanting to visit again. It was the second time of the year that I made it this far!

Today has been an “almost perfect” Sunday. I’m almost done with my Day 50 at this time!

I’m also quite tired now. Yesterday night, I had some pretty strong insomnia, maybe from all this physical activity in the day. I got up from my attempt to sleep at 12:30 a.m. and walked around the neighborhood and to the corner store. Walking at night at this time of the night was a nice experience. It had been a long time I had done that.

I’m starting to see changes in my life, 50 days into this journey. Yes, it is taking a long time for me to come back to life. But it just feels so worth it. To keep going.

I keep a keen eye toward what’s going on, and on the future. I feel stronger, and I’m liking this.
 
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