Darreng1981
Member
Greetings,
My last post was December 2016, I relapsed after 48 days my longest streak.
Started with videos at age 13 . Normal P websites
Met my GF 2019, slowly over time went back into P due to life situations and stress ( covid , job loss etc. ) slowly found God to help guide me as he still is but I need to put in work also.
My P was vanilla , and then turned violent. Dark videos , paid by Bitcoin sometimes . Morphed into younger girls, on the border of pedo. Never made it that length luckily. ( my tastes are mostly fetish , not exactly sexual ) which makes it harder because I can find my videos on YouTube .
This morphed into fake Insta accounts, pretending I was a model scout. Convincing random girls to send videos by sending them money. Some I even knew personally wish was crazy who you would never think would be open to such things.
Succeeded many times. Almost 5k+ spend in $$
This went on for months till I found the world of webcam, pay by the minute . More money spend , upwards of 10k + now over the course of a couple years.
I am now on the border of making it a reality at a BDSM club and mistresses near me. My fetish has morphed. Believe it or not, the P I watch does not include sex.
Still with my GF she has no idea but our sex is almost non existent . Luckily we forever love one another .
I have essentially hit rock bottom. My withdrawal after 2 weeks is complete depression ( dead inside ) sometimes can’t think but recently God has helped me succeed. It’s been now a couple weeks. The insta page was deleted a year ago and all my fake emails.
Therapy ? What does one do at this point.
Will I ever recover from such morphed sick P addictions .
Thank you
Darren
My last post was December 2016, I relapsed after 48 days my longest streak.
Started with videos at age 13 . Normal P websites
Met my GF 2019, slowly over time went back into P due to life situations and stress ( covid , job loss etc. ) slowly found God to help guide me as he still is but I need to put in work also.
My P was vanilla , and then turned violent. Dark videos , paid by Bitcoin sometimes . Morphed into younger girls, on the border of pedo. Never made it that length luckily. ( my tastes are mostly fetish , not exactly sexual ) which makes it harder because I can find my videos on YouTube .
This morphed into fake Insta accounts, pretending I was a model scout. Convincing random girls to send videos by sending them money. Some I even knew personally wish was crazy who you would never think would be open to such things.
Succeeded many times. Almost 5k+ spend in $$
This went on for months till I found the world of webcam, pay by the minute . More money spend , upwards of 10k + now over the course of a couple years.
I am now on the border of making it a reality at a BDSM club and mistresses near me. My fetish has morphed. Believe it or not, the P I watch does not include sex.
Still with my GF she has no idea but our sex is almost non existent . Luckily we forever love one another .
I have essentially hit rock bottom. My withdrawal after 2 weeks is complete depression ( dead inside ) sometimes can’t think but recently God has helped me succeed. It’s been now a couple weeks. The insta page was deleted a year ago and all my fake emails.
Therapy ? What does one do at this point.
Will I ever recover from such morphed sick P addictions .
Thank you
Darren