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I have a feeling that only those "who made the 90" has the "right to post here". I am on day 60 - but I am pretty confident that I will success - not only to the 90, but far beyond that. I still find it "weird" to believe that I will NEVER take a brief peak again ever in my life.
I don't need to tell too much about my story - it's the same as everyone else's except that my main addiction is cam-to-cam-chats.
At some point I promised myself that I would be clean no later than on my 40 years birthday. Now I am 47, so I didn't make it.
So... how do I feel here on day 60? I am still hit by crazy cravings from time to time (around once a week, perhaps). But it has changed: Two months ago the feeling was "I really, really want to go there, and I am not strong enough to resist and there is no way for me to avoid giving in". Does this sound familiar to you, guys?? Today it is more like: "I really, really want to go there, and it would feel SO good, but I am going to stay far away from it. I want to relapse but I can CHOOSE not to." And a few hours later the crazy cravings are gone and I am so happy that I am still on day 60.
So what have I done to make it to 60?
I have read a lot of stuff on the subject and seen a lot of videos.
These two links have helped me the most:
Obviously, William: https://forum.rebootnation.org/index.php?threads/1256/
and also this thread (at least 2-3-4, and not so much 1 and 5 but that might be different for different persons)
forum.rebootnation.org
To be a little more specific, I ask myself this question many times every day: "How bad is it to relapse just one more time"?? I could just stop after this last time, or I have made a good streak, I deserve it and so on. But the answer is aleays: One single relapse is the beginning of a spiral of "just one relapses".
"But I am only on day 10, so I only lose 10 days by this one relapse, and I really want it".
Yeah, but do that three times, and you could have been on day 30. Do it 9 times and you could have made the "hard 90". If I had stopped by the time I turned 40 I would have been 7 years clean now. I am going to be 7 years clean by the time I turn 54, but only if I resist to do it "one very last time", because there will always be another "this is the very last time".
Also: Catch the temptation early. Don't let it build up in your head - because in short time you will be powerless. So when the cravings hit you hard and you think about your favorite scene or fantasy pull it out of your head - don't let it build up. And don't search for bikini-models either... just don't. And don't THINK about bikini-models either. Think about that you want to be clean and being clean is the most important thing in your life. If it is NOT, then you are not going to success.
I do use some blockers to prevent me from accessing those websites. But I know how to get around the blockers, so they don't actually stop me - they just remind me that I am quitting. A while ago I kept the passwords for blockers etc safe at my work place, so I couldn't access things from home - but I would always find a way around the blockers, or I would use my children's iPad's when they were at school (in private browser mode of course) - isn't that TOTALLY DISGUSTING??? I actually made it a challenge to bypass the blockers and I would always find "a way around" as I am pretty clever with computers.
For the past 120 days or so, I have known how to bypass the blockers, so there is no reason to challenge myself to find a way around. Actually this fact has helped me a lot.
Also I didn't start on "Day 1" when going on vacation or something like that. I have tried that approach before (because staying clean while on vacation without a laptop is pretty easy) but at the end of a two weeks vacation with my great and loving family, I was most of all longing to go home and relapse. This time, my "day one" was a totally normal day. Obviously I must have relapsed the day before, but I don't really remember the details...
Don't count the days TOO much - it's okay once in a while to check "I made it to day 40" and get that huge smile on your face and be proud of yourself. But this is about quitting forever, not quitting for 90 days so the day counter shouldn't be too important to you.
Always "keep your guards up". I know my main trigger is being alone in the house (I work a lot from home) when wife is at work and children are at school. I acknowledge that this is my main trigger and I prepare myself to be extremely triggered when they leave the house in the morning.
I have this list of "reminders" that I read to myself at least a few times a week. In the beginning I read it every day. I don't anymore, but it is too dangerous to stop focusing on the fact that you are quitting: Suddenly you just jump to the computer and fire up that web-browser. It'll take you 10 seconds at the most and afterwards you have no idea how you got there so fast. You have to keep your guards up. This HAS to be your #1 priority. If your day sucked and everything went wrong but you DIDN*T relapse then it has still been a success-day because NOT relapsing is more important than ANYTHING ELSE.
Here are some of the items on my "read almost everyday list"
- I suffered from this for 10 years. It's time top stop.
- I have a choice
- I don't doubt that I want to quit
- I choose that this is something I did in my past
- avoid building up fantasies to a point when you feel that there is nothing else to do but relapse
- starve it to death
- don't let defeats make you relapse
- don't let "suddenly appearing opportunities" make you relapse
- don't let "planned opportunities" make you relapse.
- There will always be "something new" to search for on those websites. Don't...
- The cravings hit you extremely hard in few seconds. KEEP YOUR GUARDS UP. Be prepared the the cravings will hit you strong
- Don't try to get by the blockers.
- SoMe and news are dangerous - and potentially contains triggers
- I am not looking for "that" - I am looking for real interaction with real persons.
1) What is it doing for me?
2) Do I actually enjoy it?
3) Do I really need to go through life using THAT just to sabotage my mind and body
---
I am on day 60. I will post here once in a while. I feel dangerous. I feel that I own the world and my life. I have endless opportunities. Most of all, I am able to choose not to relapse when the cravings hit me hard.
You can do this too. Good luck on your journey.
I don't need to tell too much about my story - it's the same as everyone else's except that my main addiction is cam-to-cam-chats.
At some point I promised myself that I would be clean no later than on my 40 years birthday. Now I am 47, so I didn't make it.
So... how do I feel here on day 60? I am still hit by crazy cravings from time to time (around once a week, perhaps). But it has changed: Two months ago the feeling was "I really, really want to go there, and I am not strong enough to resist and there is no way for me to avoid giving in". Does this sound familiar to you, guys?? Today it is more like: "I really, really want to go there, and it would feel SO good, but I am going to stay far away from it. I want to relapse but I can CHOOSE not to." And a few hours later the crazy cravings are gone and I am so happy that I am still on day 60.
So what have I done to make it to 60?
I have read a lot of stuff on the subject and seen a lot of videos.
These two links have helped me the most:
Obviously, William: https://forum.rebootnation.org/index.php?threads/1256/
and also this thread (at least 2-3-4, and not so much 1 and 5 but that might be different for different persons)
4 YEARS PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ! (updated)
NOW I AM FREE! I failed many many times, never making it too far, and usually relapsing at couple of days, weeks, or a month. But this time it worked. I do not want to get into "my story" because it is full of triggers and it is very long. I just want to share what worked for me. I was...
forum.rebootnation.org
To be a little more specific, I ask myself this question many times every day: "How bad is it to relapse just one more time"?? I could just stop after this last time, or I have made a good streak, I deserve it and so on. But the answer is aleays: One single relapse is the beginning of a spiral of "just one relapses".
"But I am only on day 10, so I only lose 10 days by this one relapse, and I really want it".
Yeah, but do that three times, and you could have been on day 30. Do it 9 times and you could have made the "hard 90". If I had stopped by the time I turned 40 I would have been 7 years clean now. I am going to be 7 years clean by the time I turn 54, but only if I resist to do it "one very last time", because there will always be another "this is the very last time".
Also: Catch the temptation early. Don't let it build up in your head - because in short time you will be powerless. So when the cravings hit you hard and you think about your favorite scene or fantasy pull it out of your head - don't let it build up. And don't search for bikini-models either... just don't. And don't THINK about bikini-models either. Think about that you want to be clean and being clean is the most important thing in your life. If it is NOT, then you are not going to success.
I do use some blockers to prevent me from accessing those websites. But I know how to get around the blockers, so they don't actually stop me - they just remind me that I am quitting. A while ago I kept the passwords for blockers etc safe at my work place, so I couldn't access things from home - but I would always find a way around the blockers, or I would use my children's iPad's when they were at school (in private browser mode of course) - isn't that TOTALLY DISGUSTING??? I actually made it a challenge to bypass the blockers and I would always find "a way around" as I am pretty clever with computers.
For the past 120 days or so, I have known how to bypass the blockers, so there is no reason to challenge myself to find a way around. Actually this fact has helped me a lot.
Also I didn't start on "Day 1" when going on vacation or something like that. I have tried that approach before (because staying clean while on vacation without a laptop is pretty easy) but at the end of a two weeks vacation with my great and loving family, I was most of all longing to go home and relapse. This time, my "day one" was a totally normal day. Obviously I must have relapsed the day before, but I don't really remember the details...
Don't count the days TOO much - it's okay once in a while to check "I made it to day 40" and get that huge smile on your face and be proud of yourself. But this is about quitting forever, not quitting for 90 days so the day counter shouldn't be too important to you.
Always "keep your guards up". I know my main trigger is being alone in the house (I work a lot from home) when wife is at work and children are at school. I acknowledge that this is my main trigger and I prepare myself to be extremely triggered when they leave the house in the morning.
I have this list of "reminders" that I read to myself at least a few times a week. In the beginning I read it every day. I don't anymore, but it is too dangerous to stop focusing on the fact that you are quitting: Suddenly you just jump to the computer and fire up that web-browser. It'll take you 10 seconds at the most and afterwards you have no idea how you got there so fast. You have to keep your guards up. This HAS to be your #1 priority. If your day sucked and everything went wrong but you DIDN*T relapse then it has still been a success-day because NOT relapsing is more important than ANYTHING ELSE.
Here are some of the items on my "read almost everyday list"
- I suffered from this for 10 years. It's time top stop.
- I have a choice
- I don't doubt that I want to quit
- I choose that this is something I did in my past
- avoid building up fantasies to a point when you feel that there is nothing else to do but relapse
- starve it to death
- don't let defeats make you relapse
- don't let "suddenly appearing opportunities" make you relapse
- don't let "planned opportunities" make you relapse.
- There will always be "something new" to search for on those websites. Don't...
- The cravings hit you extremely hard in few seconds. KEEP YOUR GUARDS UP. Be prepared the the cravings will hit you strong
- Don't try to get by the blockers.
- SoMe and news are dangerous - and potentially contains triggers
- I am not looking for "that" - I am looking for real interaction with real persons.
1) What is it doing for me?
2) Do I actually enjoy it?
3) Do I really need to go through life using THAT just to sabotage my mind and body
---
I am on day 60. I will post here once in a while. I feel dangerous. I feel that I own the world and my life. I have endless opportunities. Most of all, I am able to choose not to relapse when the cravings hit me hard.
You can do this too. Good luck on your journey.