Behold, I shew you a mystery... we shall all be changed, In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye - 1Corinthians 15:51-52a.
The idea of effortless change flies in the face of conventional thinking concerning addictions, and to many of us who have struggled, even for decades, this is especially true. But as the above text implies, change, transformation, metamorphosis, transfiguration, can occur in a moment, even in an atom of time.
The Purpose of this Journal
This is my personal journal, and yes, I have my original journal elsewhere. This is the third journal I've started here on Reboot Nation. The other journals are:
1. The End of All Flesh (began in 2014 and closed in January of 2019);
2. How Shall We Escape? (began in November of 2020).
You may read my backstory in the 2nd journal linked above.
This journal is for the purpose of ongoing and much needed inner healing. Not all addictions to highspeed internet porn are based in trauma, mine, however, is. The purpose of this journal is to dig deeper, and to go toward ever increasing, ever deepening insights, such as 'trigger' instantaneous and lasting change. While my previous journals attempted this, I found that they were primarily focused on external, surface-level, actions and behaviors, failing to touch the roots of the problem.
What this Journal is Not
Obviously the whole premise contradicts the 'disease-model' of addiction, and probably the philosophies of many here. This is unavoidable. But, this is not a debate, nor is it a place to argue. This journal is not for the purpose of proving a point, mine- or anyone else's. I'm not driving an agenda except for my own inner healing. We can discuss, but arguments are not helpful or encouraged.
My methods, or more properly, non-methods, and my overall approach will look different from what one may be accustomed to. But I will not undermine your efforts or approach, as what you're doing may be helping you anyway. This is good. I found that it takes all kinds of methods, and even multiple (sometimes different) approaches to find lasting change. As such, I respect the differences between our approaches, and am happy to leave it as that.
My Approach
1. I no longer count days.
2. I no longer set goals.
3. I no longer track lapses.
4. Thus, there is no day 0 in lieu of a lapse.
5. In the event of a lapse, I just go on, infusing it with as little meaning as possible. If there's an obvious 'chain of causality' for the episode that I can learn from, I will.
6. I use common sense to avoid putting myself in harm's way, which for me means to be mindful around social media, a potential pitfall.
7. I dismiss urges, including thoughts toward p-use, as being the addictive voice (AV) from the lower brain.
8. Overall, I don't think about it, as I refuse to identify with the former behaviors.
9. While I may utilize any number of tactics in the moment learned from spirituality, mindfulness and the science of habit change, I no longer think of these as 'methods' or a 'plan' as such, but simply a method of no-method, just living my life free from the former behaviors.
10. There is no problem. Perhaps a misguided brain, more or less sensitized in signaling urges toward certain unwanted behaviors. But, at baseline, there is only peace, equanimity, and normalcy.
Quick Reference
Extra Focus
Amendments
In addition to, and not necessarily instead of, the above:
1. Choose a quit date, either today- or the last time one used.
2. Go on living life, free from P, PMO, or MO.
3. In the event of a lapse:
1) Mark how many days you went without it. This, so as to reward yourself for days abstinent, and recognize progress or regress.
2) Learn whatever lessons if there's clear causality, as in poor decisions or habits (as in p-subs) and/or emotional cues.
3) But, don't work up a sweat trying to figure out 'triggers' or cues, as this is a game of Whack-O-Mole.
4) Go on from there, infusing the episode with as little meaning as possible.
5) In the event that lapsing is occurring too often (how often?), reestablish again that you've quit (not that you're quitting, which is perpetual).
4. Wholly identify as a person who quit, who no longer uses those maladaptive behaviors.
Some Sources
This is the new paradigm spoken of by me before. It is the confluence of several related schools of thought:
1. Rational Recovery (Jack Trimpey)
2. Brain Over Binge (Kathryn Hansen)
3. No Willpower approach of Dr. Amy Johnson
4. The Easy Peasy Method (Hack Author)
5. Instantaneous Sobriety (Annie Grace, author of 'This Naked Mind')
What these different authors and doctors are getting at requires, not behavior modification as such, but ever deepening degrees of insight that automatically illicit change.
In Conclusion
So I'll plan to come on here either once a week, or as I have need. Of course I'm on more often as moderator, so I speak in addition to those responsibilities. While I'm wanting to utilize this journal for my ongoing healing and progress, I hope that others can take away from it what they will toward their own healing.
Be blessed,
Phineas.
The idea of effortless change flies in the face of conventional thinking concerning addictions, and to many of us who have struggled, even for decades, this is especially true. But as the above text implies, change, transformation, metamorphosis, transfiguration, can occur in a moment, even in an atom of time.
The Purpose of this Journal
This is my personal journal, and yes, I have my original journal elsewhere. This is the third journal I've started here on Reboot Nation. The other journals are:
1. The End of All Flesh (began in 2014 and closed in January of 2019);
2. How Shall We Escape? (began in November of 2020).
You may read my backstory in the 2nd journal linked above.
This journal is for the purpose of ongoing and much needed inner healing. Not all addictions to highspeed internet porn are based in trauma, mine, however, is. The purpose of this journal is to dig deeper, and to go toward ever increasing, ever deepening insights, such as 'trigger' instantaneous and lasting change. While my previous journals attempted this, I found that they were primarily focused on external, surface-level, actions and behaviors, failing to touch the roots of the problem.
What this Journal is Not
Obviously the whole premise contradicts the 'disease-model' of addiction, and probably the philosophies of many here. This is unavoidable. But, this is not a debate, nor is it a place to argue. This journal is not for the purpose of proving a point, mine- or anyone else's. I'm not driving an agenda except for my own inner healing. We can discuss, but arguments are not helpful or encouraged.
My methods, or more properly, non-methods, and my overall approach will look different from what one may be accustomed to. But I will not undermine your efforts or approach, as what you're doing may be helping you anyway. This is good. I found that it takes all kinds of methods, and even multiple (sometimes different) approaches to find lasting change. As such, I respect the differences between our approaches, and am happy to leave it as that.
My Approach
1. I no longer count days.
2. I no longer set goals.
3. I no longer track lapses.
4. Thus, there is no day 0 in lieu of a lapse.
5. In the event of a lapse, I just go on, infusing it with as little meaning as possible. If there's an obvious 'chain of causality' for the episode that I can learn from, I will.
6. I use common sense to avoid putting myself in harm's way, which for me means to be mindful around social media, a potential pitfall.
7. I dismiss urges, including thoughts toward p-use, as being the addictive voice (AV) from the lower brain.
8. Overall, I don't think about it, as I refuse to identify with the former behaviors.
9. While I may utilize any number of tactics in the moment learned from spirituality, mindfulness and the science of habit change, I no longer think of these as 'methods' or a 'plan' as such, but simply a method of no-method, just living my life free from the former behaviors.
10. There is no problem. Perhaps a misguided brain, more or less sensitized in signaling urges toward certain unwanted behaviors. But, at baseline, there is only peace, equanimity, and normalcy.
Quick Reference
Extra Focus
Amendments
In addition to, and not necessarily instead of, the above:
1. Choose a quit date, either today- or the last time one used.
2. Go on living life, free from P, PMO, or MO.
3. In the event of a lapse:
1) Mark how many days you went without it. This, so as to reward yourself for days abstinent, and recognize progress or regress.
2) Learn whatever lessons if there's clear causality, as in poor decisions or habits (as in p-subs) and/or emotional cues.
3) But, don't work up a sweat trying to figure out 'triggers' or cues, as this is a game of Whack-O-Mole.
4) Go on from there, infusing the episode with as little meaning as possible.
5) In the event that lapsing is occurring too often (how often?), reestablish again that you've quit (not that you're quitting, which is perpetual).
4. Wholly identify as a person who quit, who no longer uses those maladaptive behaviors.
Some Sources
This is the new paradigm spoken of by me before. It is the confluence of several related schools of thought:
1. Rational Recovery (Jack Trimpey)
2. Brain Over Binge (Kathryn Hansen)
3. No Willpower approach of Dr. Amy Johnson
4. The Easy Peasy Method (Hack Author)
5. Instantaneous Sobriety (Annie Grace, author of 'This Naked Mind')
What these different authors and doctors are getting at requires, not behavior modification as such, but ever deepening degrees of insight that automatically illicit change.
In Conclusion
So I'll plan to come on here either once a week, or as I have need. Of course I'm on more often as moderator, so I speak in addition to those responsibilities. While I'm wanting to utilize this journal for my ongoing healing and progress, I hope that others can take away from it what they will toward their own healing.
Be blessed,
Phineas.
