This is a Weird Addiction, And acknowledging the Ordinariness of Sex

[SoberRich]

I just can't stop thinking about how odd this addiction is. We literally consume OTHER People having sex, either visually, kr.tbrough the written word.

How odd is that? We put sex on a sort of pedestal.

Ironically, most of us are avoiding real life sex, even if we have access to it through having a girlfriend or wife, we are ignoring, or even going out and meeting someone.

So, it ks this weird, bizarre putting of sex in a pedestal, while also not actually having sex.

I just can't get over it.

And I feel like part of the healing and growth comes from identifying with how ordinary and "normal" sex actually is.

Most people, at some point or another, have sex.

It isn't special to have sex. There is no secret strategy in order to get access to it. There is no method kr device.

If you are a nice enough guy, you're not a dick, and you are decent looking, you are probably going to get sex.

I think this understanding of reality ks absolutely crucial to getting better.

We consume sex on a screen because we believe sex is godly or special, or seems someone special or "worthy", or an "alpha."

No, trust me, some of the geekiest guys on university campuses are getting sex.

It is not special. It is not something to idolize someone over. This ks something we need to get through our thick skulls.

And until we do that, we will continue to feed this addiction.

Until we believe, deep down, that sex is both ordinary and normal, and not special, and we as individuals are worthy of it, we will continue to have these bizarre thoughts about it.

Caveat: I just want to be clear here that my point is not that men are owed sex. I do NLT believe that. My point is that in order to beat this addiction and get healthy, we have to learn to believe that sex is normal, and that we, as individuals can EARN sex with someone.

Just want to be clear.

 

[SoberRich]

I imagine I will get push back from combined sex addicts who say they were getting real sex.

You are STILL idolizing sex, even if you are getting it in real life.

You are obsessed with it. And si, by definition, you believe that you need to continue to get sex from various people, and/or porn, in order to prove yourself worthy.

It is BS.

Sex IS normal. Most people are getting it.

Getting sex, until very recently, WAS the status quo.

I know I am beating a dead horse here, but I just want to emphasize how important it is to get this into our heads so we can get better.

We're NOT missing anything.

We aren't. We are missing toxic shit that is poured into our heads. we are missing misogyny.

Our culture wants us to believe that if we are ONLy getting sex from a girlfriend/wife, we are missing out. It couldn't possibly be enough.

Just think for a second about the stupidity of this.

Let's put love, emotion, feelings aside for a second. These are all valid, and important.

But let's only talk about sex for a second.

If getting sex is your goal, then by far the best way to accomplish that task IS to be in a relationship with someone.

Our sexualized culture doesn't want to see this obvious logic.

If you are with a woman, and you make her happy, you should continue to get a consistent stream of sex intk the future.

This is not to argue that women should be used for sex, (which is another fammalxy we need to get rid of), but only to point our how illogical a lot of our ideas actually are.

Just get better, folks.

 

[Orbiter]

I don't have much add to that other than this is a great post and I agree with it totally.

Well put Rich!