Blending things

Gracie

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
The discussion of being worthy came up at Christmas with my brother’s family. His wife made me a quilt that I love. She started pointing out imperfections that I could not see. We were then talking about parents and the things they did, being not affectionate and preferring others. Then feeling imperfect. Feeling like if we could just be good enough it would all change. Then marrying and sometimes having that same scenario in our head. The need to be “perfect”. We need that unconditional love and affection. And we realize it. But it is unfamiliar to us so we push it away. We look for other things to fill that. Some are more healthy than others. But that need never goes away.

And then there is this:
When you have a woman's heart and you choose to give other women attention, don't pretend it's no big deal - just because you aren't physically doing anything wrong, make no mistake you are psychologically screwing with her mental health by crushing her confidence and lowering her self-esteem which probably took her years to build... so if you do choose to do that then don't call her 'jealous' or 'insecure' because now you're just being a narcissistic as#hole as well!

When we marry, or partner with someone, we know what we see and hear from them. And it is great, new and fun! What we do not see is their life prior. And the life prior can have imperfections. Many children into adult feel they must be perfect. They were not receiving love and affection. They go hand in hand. We may get neither or only one but we need both. We need to talk to our partners about their need and listen. I came from a house that was violent and full of yelling. I told my husband something was wrong with the car.. I was quite anxious. I fretted. He said, Do you need me to yell at you? I realized that was what I felt in my soul should happen.5
 

kopp

Active Member
I feel you so much. While I know my parents love me, they've been neglectful and their love always felt conditional. Conditioned to my grades in school most of the time. Good grade? OK. Bad grade? You're a piece of shit!

They'd be mad at me for a bad grade yet they wouldn't help me study.
I've struggled with not feeling enough all my life. I know too well the need to be perfect. It has improved over time though. We can heal and I hope you will!
 
Top