Two weeks without porn and masturbation and Im questioning myslef

[Markos]

I'm 37 years old. For many, many years, pornography and masturbation were my primary forms of sexual expression, even when I was in relationships with women. I would have emotional intimacy with my partners, but I only felt true sexual satisfaction from pornography and with a hand on my penis (not very excessive, only 3 times a week with soft content). This created two separate tracks in my emotional life: closeness with my partners was emotionally and sexually fulfilling, but the spark that ignites sexual desire quickly faded. So - partner was for love, and porn was for sex. Two separate paths.

My sexuality became intertwined with masturbation. These became two parallel tracks in my life. With my previous partner, I could get an erection with sildenafil, but I couldn't ejaculate. Now, I'm in a relationship with a beautiful, loving girl who I'm attracted to. We have a great connection, and I love her body, but even with sildenafil, my erection isn't strong enough for penetration.

I've started to worry that either my problem is insurmountable or that my partner isn't the right one for me. Even though I find her body attractive (in the first few weeks of our relationship, kissing her often gave me an erection, but that faded after the initial infatuation), and I love touching and kissing her, I can't feel that "kick" that ignites a real sexual spark.

I'm currently in the second week of a full break from pornography, although I've had two relapses. I can get an erection from pornography, and sometimes I'm even bored by it now, but when I take tadalafil or sildenafil, pornography gives me a powerful erection.

 

[malando]

Keep trying. Don't let porn back in once you get it out. You might have to explain this to your new partner if you can't be functional for a while. Are you still with her? How's it going?

It's your brain that's messed up. It's not because she's not attractive or not the right one for you. Every time you relapse with porn, you're setting yourself back. You have to ride this out. Cold turkey. Your brain chemistry is altered and it takes time to revert to an unmolested state. Every time your worry about your ED, and then feel the need to test your physical function by watching some porn, you set back your recovery and you ensure that you are primarily responsive to bright sexual images rather than a real person. Porn actually is boring. We mainly watch it to achieve a mechanical result - solid erection. But as far as being exciting and alluring - it ain't all that. It's just a handgrenade designed to give your body no choice but to react.