Chuckles
Active Member
It's been a few years (I think) since I posted here, or even got on this site to be honest.
I've had some big changes in life, mostly good ones.
I've been on and off the wagon so many times it's hard to count. I was so proud of myself for my progress when I made my first journal. I made it over a year, and had a blend of feeling invincible and that I had accomplished my goal so there wasn't much more to look forward to. And then slipped up. And then tried again and slipped up again. I've stopped caring and started caring again. I've beaten myself up with guilt and told myself it wasn't a big deal. I've had anxiety and anger and frustration and hope and dismay and so many other emotions.
So I'd like to start again, in earnest. I think some points are important:
- The first time I successfully quit, I had just read the your brain on porn article that explains what happens to your brain chemistry and how it makes you a little less human, mentally speaking. That made me furious. Like I was just an animal in a cage and my only use to these companies was to turn my weakness into profit. And that might not be completely true, it still has a bit of truth to it.
- I've had various health issues, both mental and physical. Not only does my addiction probably not help, it might be making some things worse. It also takes away from my time, motivation, energy, and focus to get healthier in life. I want to be in better shape. I want to be more productive. I want healthier hobbies and habits.
- This doesn't just affect me. This affects my loved ones, whether or not they know what's going on, I'm not my best self around others, especially my S.O., who deserves better from me.
- If I overcame this before, I can overcome it again.
My goals:
- No more PMO. I need to admit to myself that I can never stop at one. One becomes one more, which becomes wasting half a day, which becomes missing work assignments, mental fog, physical ailments, and guilt.
- Remove temptation. I know what makes it easy to just get back into bad patterns, and I know how to put obstacles in my own way.
- Have an out. I need to always know what my plan is to distance myself when temptation arises. 10 minute walk, stretches, planks, anything away from my computer and my phone.
- No MO for at least 3 weeks. It's easy to remember movies, and kind of cycle through my favorites. That reinforces the same neural pathways and habits that I'm trying to break.
- Post on this forum at least once a day, even if it's just to say that I made it one more day, for at least one month.
- Browse the other threads on this forum, and interact with others. I might not post every day, but I at least need to remind myself that others are struggling too, and that we're in this together.
- Reread YBOP, and rewatch the Terry Crews videos. Those were very helpful for me last time.
I hope I can stick with it this time. I thank you all in advance, and wish you all the best of luck in your efforts!
I've had some big changes in life, mostly good ones.
I've been on and off the wagon so many times it's hard to count. I was so proud of myself for my progress when I made my first journal. I made it over a year, and had a blend of feeling invincible and that I had accomplished my goal so there wasn't much more to look forward to. And then slipped up. And then tried again and slipped up again. I've stopped caring and started caring again. I've beaten myself up with guilt and told myself it wasn't a big deal. I've had anxiety and anger and frustration and hope and dismay and so many other emotions.
So I'd like to start again, in earnest. I think some points are important:
- The first time I successfully quit, I had just read the your brain on porn article that explains what happens to your brain chemistry and how it makes you a little less human, mentally speaking. That made me furious. Like I was just an animal in a cage and my only use to these companies was to turn my weakness into profit. And that might not be completely true, it still has a bit of truth to it.
- I've had various health issues, both mental and physical. Not only does my addiction probably not help, it might be making some things worse. It also takes away from my time, motivation, energy, and focus to get healthier in life. I want to be in better shape. I want to be more productive. I want healthier hobbies and habits.
- This doesn't just affect me. This affects my loved ones, whether or not they know what's going on, I'm not my best self around others, especially my S.O., who deserves better from me.
- If I overcame this before, I can overcome it again.
My goals:
- No more PMO. I need to admit to myself that I can never stop at one. One becomes one more, which becomes wasting half a day, which becomes missing work assignments, mental fog, physical ailments, and guilt.
- Remove temptation. I know what makes it easy to just get back into bad patterns, and I know how to put obstacles in my own way.
- Have an out. I need to always know what my plan is to distance myself when temptation arises. 10 minute walk, stretches, planks, anything away from my computer and my phone.
- No MO for at least 3 weeks. It's easy to remember movies, and kind of cycle through my favorites. That reinforces the same neural pathways and habits that I'm trying to break.
- Post on this forum at least once a day, even if it's just to say that I made it one more day, for at least one month.
- Browse the other threads on this forum, and interact with others. I might not post every day, but I at least need to remind myself that others are struggling too, and that we're in this together.
- Reread YBOP, and rewatch the Terry Crews videos. Those were very helpful for me last time.
I hope I can stick with it this time. I thank you all in advance, and wish you all the best of luck in your efforts!
