First do it, then do it Right, then do it Better

[aymen]

Day 1:
Just take the step and embrace the insecurity and incertitude, I started the day well, and in all of a sudden, I entered into a very weird large emptiness, I was feeling nothing, and I felt like I needed to fill this emptiness, it was a very very bad and hard feeling, then I figured out how much porn and masturbation are part of me as a human being.
The hardest part of addiction PMA is it become your mood regulator and your survival safety check point, and this because of how PMA engage your deepest, part of your brain over years of use.
This is the core stone of PMA addiction, that we should accept that we are deeply hooked, and It's not as easy as we quit by a simple decision of motivation.
I'm not telling you this to get you said, I'am also a very heavy addict as you who tried quitting for years, instead, I want you to understand the problem well, because it's the key for surviving.
Accepting that PMA is not a simple habit, will force you to respect this addiction as a very very smart, powerful enemy, because then, you will face it as a real fighter.
Studying your enemy and his strategy is a powerful key, so the same the PMA addiction, It has roots, It has triggers, It has hidden unknown triggers, it has patterns.
Stay Hard!

 

[aymen]

Day 0:
I couldn't control my urges yesterday, The reason behind my fall, was the deep stress that I had solving some problems, and this is explained by the fact of getting use to deal with exams stress by PM over years, I'am really convinced that this becomes a coping mechanism. Other factors, was the sense of nothingness and failure comparing myself to some successful people I was on instagram.
Now, I'am going for a walk so I can refresh my brain and reduce the depression that I have each day. And this is the most hard part of addiction, is that you really lives in the negative consequences every day, but by the end of the day, you find yourself craving for the thing that will cause you more pain and more damage, and this is the absolute salvery we live each day.
It's hard, it's really hard, seing others living their normal lives with happiness and fulfilment, and see my self getting away from my dreams each day, because of this fake, unrealistic pleasure.
Anyway, I'am keeping my road into freedom, when ever it costs me.

 

[aymen]

Day 1:
The fact that PMA has triggers is real and evident, but the fact that those triggers themself has different opacity degree, is not very evident, for example, watching sexual scene in a movie, can trigger your lust for PM (not recommended), and this has the highest opacity, because It's clear and easily identifiable, in another hand, attending a party where everyone are enjoying and celebrating someone's success, can make you feel deeply unhappy, unsatisfied, a weird feeling like your brain is pushing you to hate yourself, this can trigger your lust for PM, 10x more than looking at a naked woman, and this is the trigger that has lower opacity degree than the previous one.
Another point important point, is the multilayer nature of triggers, one they are present at the same moment, they don't add up, but they multiply and form a heavy force that will generate that urge of watching porn and masturbating.
For me, I had problems with the lower opacity triggers, like underestimating myself, self-criticism, self-destruction, anger, failure, deep thinking stress, and the real recovery starts here, by addressing this type of triggers from their roots, and this is half of the path, since avoiding the external sexual stimulus is the easiest part, best dealing with the deepest triggers is the hardest part.
It's a real war, It's real reboot,
Stay Hard!

 

[aymen]

Day 0:
Stay Hard!