douglasfirs
Member
Hi!
It’s been a while since I last visited the forum so pardon me if I don’t nail the expected words used here but anyways: just relapsed.
I was in a two month streak, after meeting a really interesting girl last month and failing to get an erection with her. We really didn’t work out due to some coincidences but that’s not really why i’m here today.
I’m at the beach with my friends and I forgot my meds at home, so I haven’t taken them since friday. I got trouble sleeping and the meds really help me out with it, but I was faring pretty well without them, managing to sleep in appropriate times, and usually when i’m without them I suffer a lot to get some sleep. It seems like today everything converged for things to go to shit.
Watched a movie with my friend a few hours ago, and this actress in the movie really reminded of an P actress which I really spent hours “admiring”, so to speak. But seriously, she was the spitting image of her, same voice sound, tone and way of speaking, and that really got to my head. Memories came flooding in, but I shook it off. But the images were still coming back to my mind, and after trying to sleep I tried everything to forget about these thoughts, called my safe-space contacted but he was asleep, but the thoughts were too intense for me to handle without any safety net. Searched for her first on Google, and later opened a P site, while I was already “‘M’ing”. I didn’t click on any specific videos, but just flicking through the previews for like 2 minutes I noticed I could already O, so I forced it.
The guilt came immediately, but I think it wasn’t so bad since I didn’t really go deep into it. I’m 27 now, battling against addiction for almost 10 years, and I feel like my mind is really mature on the idea of quitting P for good and having a healthy sex life, and I feel like i’m really close to achieving this goal for good. I think tomorrow I will be feeling less guilty and will be able to move on from this, but right now this is really stinging me. Just wanted to vent about it to you since my friends are all sleeping (it’s 3 AM here rn), so thanks for reading.
It’s been a while since I last visited the forum so pardon me if I don’t nail the expected words used here but anyways: just relapsed.
I was in a two month streak, after meeting a really interesting girl last month and failing to get an erection with her. We really didn’t work out due to some coincidences but that’s not really why i’m here today.
I’m at the beach with my friends and I forgot my meds at home, so I haven’t taken them since friday. I got trouble sleeping and the meds really help me out with it, but I was faring pretty well without them, managing to sleep in appropriate times, and usually when i’m without them I suffer a lot to get some sleep. It seems like today everything converged for things to go to shit.
Watched a movie with my friend a few hours ago, and this actress in the movie really reminded of an P actress which I really spent hours “admiring”, so to speak. But seriously, she was the spitting image of her, same voice sound, tone and way of speaking, and that really got to my head. Memories came flooding in, but I shook it off. But the images were still coming back to my mind, and after trying to sleep I tried everything to forget about these thoughts, called my safe-space contacted but he was asleep, but the thoughts were too intense for me to handle without any safety net. Searched for her first on Google, and later opened a P site, while I was already “‘M’ing”. I didn’t click on any specific videos, but just flicking through the previews for like 2 minutes I noticed I could already O, so I forced it.
The guilt came immediately, but I think it wasn’t so bad since I didn’t really go deep into it. I’m 27 now, battling against addiction for almost 10 years, and I feel like my mind is really mature on the idea of quitting P for good and having a healthy sex life, and I feel like i’m really close to achieving this goal for good. I think tomorrow I will be feeling less guilty and will be able to move on from this, but right now this is really stinging me. Just wanted to vent about it to you since my friends are all sleeping (it’s 3 AM here rn), so thanks for reading.
