The Shape of Things to Come


Im new here and I'm starting my reboot today.

Why am I here?
I am nearly 32 years old, married and currently no kids but trying. I am here to start afresh.
Too long have I rotted my time with a PVO fuelled life, minutes, hours, days, years - it all adds up and what I accomplished? Not a lot, I blame my addiction for many reasons and problems I have gone through in recent years, some of which being unhappiness, depression, acting out and causing others hurt, problems at work, lack of sleep and so on..

How did I get here?
I first discovered PVO in a tree I was climbing when I was 14. I was rather intrigued to find a stash of mags of naked women - this was my secret and told no one about what I had found. My brothers used to read mens magazine such as FHM which had semi-naked pictures of women in and at the age of 15 I liked what I saw, I dug deeper into bags of thrown out newspapers in the garage that were waiting to be recycled - I found a copy of the 'Daily Sport' - full blown nakedness - I remember cutting out the pictures and keeping them for experimenting with (FAP).
In 1998 we got the internet which was AWESOME, this was 56k dial up! Again I read my brothers FHM magazine and saw a picture in the back of a Softcore American model who will remain nameless. Needless to say I found her pictures very hot and moved onto looking at similar Softcore PVO.
Following this, I found my way into Lesbian PVO which really got me off and I was like "What could be better than this?", I didn't realise what could top that!!
Upon browsing various thumbnail galleries I stumbled upon a hardcore photo and I was taken back, nothing I had previously barely touched the emotion I felt after seeing this. I was hooked!!

Jumping ahead after several expensive dialup phone bills and annoyed parents broadband entered the arena and the world would never be the same again! 14 years later (yes you heard me) I am still struggling with this painful addiction that has caused some very hard times for me that I do not wish to talk about as its very painful and now in the past.

I have tried on countless occasions to quit and have previously gone 18 days without PVO before falling off the wagon again.

I find the trouble with PVO is that there is always a prettier woman, they seem to know what fuels men's desires and they get it right every time!

My addiction process
  • Addiction to porn and masturbation - those two go hand in hand *no pun intended*.
  • Addiction to caffeine
  • Addiction to eating

Why have I failed before?
I work in IT and know how to get around pretty much anything, so if I have previously installed a filter or accountability application, I've found a way to counteract that undetected. Secondly I think I am weak and this has always been my downfall whilst dealing with this addiction.

Whats next?
I plan to use this forum as a resource and hope for your support and encouragement whilst I attempt to win his never-ending battle of lust. I am a Christian regardless of your views and opinions I truly believe that there is some demonic power that fuels PVO and each time you contribute to your addiction that darkness takes more control of you. In my opinion when I have attempted to reboot in the past I have found that life becomes real tough - I truly believe this darkness contributes to making your life hell whilst detoxing and as you stop watching PVO the demon of lust "Asmodeus" is gathering its friends and takes control of you - this is the point where you give in and get back into that PVO process again.

Every time that you are tempted with an impure thought or desire, look past the allurement and see the evil.

That's all for now. Thanks for reading :)
Well DAY1 is almost over and I have kept myself occupied with DIY jobs around the house and getting outside in the sun.

Lets see what tomorrow brings..


Active Member
Welcome surfnode,

Great that you found this forum. You have read up at Lots of great information there!

I have been a PMO addict a lot longer than you but I am breaking free and making progress in my recovery. You can make this change in your life. It is astounding how wonderful it is to get free from this addiction.

Wishing you all the best!
End of Day 2 - well just over based on my counter.

Today has been difficult, have felt very tired and have had strong headaches and cloudy eyes.

Hoping this will disperse so I can get on with things.
End of Day 3.

The headaches continued today, have had a fuzzy head and feeling jittery.

The use of this forum has kept my mind strong and commited to beating this.

Another day begins tomorrow.


Surfnode, hang in there man. I know for me the physical withdrawals have been bad but don't give up the fight! It's gotta be worth it in the end


Active Member
I respect your Christian Views surfnode.  You can still transpose that over with scientific evidence of dophamine that when you look at porn you get a surge of dophamine causing you to want more.  If you look at it that way, you can link any strong feelings and sensations with not just evil but also to a chemical addiction too.

You said in your first post you were weak.  A weak person does not get into IT, a weak person does not express their religious views, a weak person does not admit to themselves that they have weakness such as PVO.  On the contrary you are brave and strong.

With regard to your other additions: food and coffee etc.  I've found I eat more coming of PVO and I haven't tried to curb everything at once because that gets very hard.  I'd prefer to eat a little extra rather than break and PVO.  I think its ok to reasonably indulge in food and coffee while coming of PMO.  Just stop coffee early enough so you can get a good night's sleep.  And get off the computer at least 2 hours before bed time so you can sleep.  I do software programming so I know the drill  :)

Good luck to you.
WOW, you guys are awesome - your posts are very uplifting and have made me feel better.

The headaches have been rather severe today and I have been so so annoying tired at work today - felt like a tired zombie!

Got a job interview on Tuesday for a promotion from 1st Line to 2nd/3rd line position - hoping I will feel fresh for that.

I am eating pizza tonight, Im not bothered about the eating, its not coffee either its pepsi I drink mainly more at the moment to keep me awake.

Feeling good that I am on track and have told my wife I did slip and am no rebooting.
Checking in on nearly day10 - the headaches have just about gone and whilst Im sometimes feeling the urge to look at stuff online I am now able to resist the temptation. I finally feel that I am breaking free from this thing for good. :)
In the last couple of days I have developed extreme cluster / tension headaches which will not back down to painkillers. These are extremely painful and damn right annoying, affecting my sleep and daily activities.  :(

Feel like my brain is really craving its dopamine fix now and is giving me pain as a punishment!

I will keep on pushing on. :)