Viper's venom

Viper

Well-Known Member
There is only one thing I can think of when I join a community like this:
"I'm glad I'm not alone"

Let me just say that it takes a lot of courage for a guy like Gabe and few others to go on YouTube
and pretty much let it all out there about this phantom problem.
I call it phantom because there are a lot of guys out there that don't know that their erectile dysfunction
probably comes from excessive PMO. When you get into your 40's, the first thought that comes to mind
is that it has to be your age. I agree that you lose some of your beast mode as you age but to flat line
completely is just not logical.

My journey into this descent started when I bought my laptop. Now this of course wasn't the first time
I watched porn. I've been doing that since the 80's. But it was the rapid, browsing from one pornographic
scene to another that you get from high speed internet that can warp your mind.

So I grew up primarily in the 80's and back then, your porn fix came from magazines or VHS. I was to
young to get porn on my own but every once in a while, I would get some of my uncle's stash. It was
when my family got cable tv is when I started jerking regularly. I think my parents knew what I was doing
staying up late watching Cinemax. But I didn't jerk while watching. I never really had to do that. I actually
orgasm for the first time by someone else other than myself. I thought this girl in middle school was going
give it up to me. She let me feel her up but wouldn't let me go all the way so I had to settle for a hand job.
Of course I eventually nutted but that's when I realized that I can do that for myself. Cable tv B movies
is what I remember most. But again, I didn't watch and jerk. I would jerk afterwords in the bathroom or
when I was in my bedroom. Those were the only two places I had privacy. But it really didn't even have
to be porn. If I was kinda horny, all I had to do was just think of a girl I'd like to fuck, fantasize about her,
then jizz.
Became sexually active more so in high school. But of course, still went to the porn from time to time.
Not as much if I was active with a girl. So then if we fast forward past college and in my late 20's.
I was dating this dime piece. She had to be the first girl I dated that when I did jerk off, I was fantasizing
about her. Here it is, I was getting some from this very desirable girl but still felt the need to jerk.
My sex drive was high and I took great pride in that. In my mid 30's, started dating this other gorgeous
girl. There is this misconception that if you're with a bad (as in real good) bitch, then there's no need
to desire another girl or fantasize about porn chics. Yeah, that's what I thought but the truth is, you 
get over that after like a month spending so much time with a girl no matter how pretty or desirable she
is. You tend to notice other things that may not be so desirable and you start filling those voids elsewhere.
This is why it doesn't shock me at all that all of Halle Barry's ex husbands cheated on her constantly.
I didn't cheat but don't think I wasn't checking out other girls or jerking.

Now we're going to get to the part of when I got my laptop. I've always had a tower computer when I watched
porn but I wouldn't sit on the chair and jerk while watching porn. Again, I can just think about what it would
be like fucking that same girl in the scene and that worked just fine. Didn't need any external stimulant while
I go to town. Having the laptop though allowed me to multi-task more so since I can carry it anywhere.
So if it's right by my bed, I can lay there as opposed to sitting on a chair at a desk and browse through so
many porn scenes instantly. Unlike playing a DVD or VHS tape, going from scene to scene was much faster.
With a DVD and VHS, it takes time to change the film. With high speed internet, you can switch to a totally
different porn production in seconds.

I recall having one chic I used to watch. To me, she had the body that was carefully molded by Mother Nature.
Thing is, she only had one scene that I could find online with a guy. The rest, she's playing with herself by herself
being filmed. But even if I thought she was a 10, it didn't take long for me to move on to other types of girls.
Every once in a while, if other girls wasn't getting the job done, I would revert back to the number one chic.
I think every guy here has that go-to girl if they're not jizzing to others- lol
But seriously, this is where the dysfunction is taking shape. You're instantly feeding your mind and satisfying
your reward circuit. It was originally wired for a real woman. But when you know that you can get this easily
and rapidly through the porn source, then your mind will slowly begin to reject the moments when you are
with a real woman. You don't realize it because you believe that something like this could never happen to you.
After all, you've done your share of dating and have also been fairly confident about your sexual performance for years.
The times when I didn't have a steady girlfriend, I would usually recruit at the nightclubs. I would hit some
spots with friends but of course, my main motivation was to seek attention from the opposite sex. I wasn't like
a pimp or anything like that but accepting rejection wasn't a big deal because I knew if I didn't go home with anyone
or at the very least, make out with someone or get their phone number, that was ok because I could always go home
and rub one out.

And when you go back to the internet, you may want to look at a different girl. One day it may be white girl with big tits. The next day, it may be Asian girl happy ending. The next time, it could be African girl fucking in a hut. Before you know it, you will be browsing for girls who aren't even your type. When the girls who were my type weren't getting the job done, I started
browsing fat chics and even midgets. Don't get me wrong, some of them really knew how to perform but I would not desire
them if I saw them out in public. But that's when you know you have a porn problem. And it all came ahead with my current
girlfriend. Our first sexual experience together was her giving me head. That went pretty good but I noticed I wasn't rock hard like I used to be. Just semi hard. When it came to vaginal penetration, I still noticed not being all the way hard.
It got worse to the point where I couldn't spare any time putting a condom on. If I did that, then my dick would go limp again. You realize how embarrassing that is?
So of course, I freaked out and my confidence started to crumble. We didn't have sex for weeks. She finally brought it up to me and I didn't know what to say. I pretty much thought it was because I was in my 40's and I was going through changes.
I sought medical help and both my general doctor and urologist both dismissed porn as a problem. My testosterone was fine. In fact, the urologist gave me medication to boost my testosterone and that didn't do anything. My general doctor gave me viagra and although it did get hard most of the time, it did not feel natural. And viagra is expensive. I didn't think it was worth the money if it didn't help me all the time. The doctor said that your natural sex drive will come back after regular
use. It didn't.
So I did more research and I came across some videos on youTube about what high speed internet porn can do to you if
you abuse it. I would not have jerked as much as I did if I knew this could happen. This problem we're suffering is not like alcohol or drugs. In school, they force feed you about the dangers of those things so if you still became a crackhead or alcoholic, that's on you!
But porn induced erectile dysfunction is very new and unfortunately, most doctors don't know about it or dismiss the idea
that this is what's causing the problem. And just so you know, I never put porn on any mobile device. Never had any on my cell phones or mobile gaming platforms like PSP. Another thing I didn't like doing was going to strip clubs. I would go if I was invited to like a bachelor party or such but I really don't feel the need to give a chic money for her to show me her tits when
there are a lot of willing and able girls at a regular nightclub that will gladly back their ass into my crotch for free!

So no, I wasn't the typical 2k generation porn addict. I didn't do this every day. Well, I did when I wasn't at my girlfriend's house. But didn't have it with me everywhere I went. So now I've been rebooting for a month so far. I think I've made progress and if I am diligent, I can make more. I have noticed semi hard-ons lately and occasional morning wood. Because
that went away too. I am confident that I will be back to normal but the important thing for me to remember is that as more of us coming out about this problem, just maybe the medical field will catch up and we can all learn from each other.
 

Rex

Active Member
Viper,

Welcome, it's great to have you here, and thanks for sharing your story.  There's so much of your story that I can relate to in my life and my addiction to PMO.  Especially on how you were roped in after seeing your first Playboy magazine and watching the B-movies with nudity on Cinemax, HBO, and Showtime when you were younger.  Congrats on being free from PMO in the near term.

However I see some red flags here when you mention trolling the night clubs for women to have sex with.  It sounds like you are also dealing with a sex addiction here too.  You may have to do a little soul searching and try to determine if your PMO issues are caused by a sex addiction.  In other words curing the sex addiction may be the answer to curing your PMO addiction.  Even if it's not, you may need to address the sex addiction separately.  The reason is you can beat PMO and then transfer your urges to picking up women at bars to have sex, you will thus replace your PMO addiction with a sex addiction that could lead to even worse consequences like incurable STDs.  In my opinion from what you wrote it appears you need to defeat both your PMO and a sex addiction. 

Keep fighting, and continue to share your insights, thoughts, and feelings in your journal.  That will help you to peal away the onion of your PMO addiction.  You have made the first big step, you realize you have a problem and need help. 

Rex
 

Viper

Well-Known Member
Rex said:
However I see some red flags here when you mention trolling the night clubs for women to have sex with.  It sounds like you are also dealing with a sex addiction here too.  You may have to do a little soul searching and try to determine if your PMO issues are caused by a sex addiction.

[size=12pt][size=10pt]Never really considered that angle. I will have to look into that some more because no one has really brought that to my attention but it certainly sounds logical based on what I wrote.[/size][/size]


In other words curing the sex addiction may be the answer to curing your PMO addiction.  Even if it's not, you may need to address the sex addiction separately.

I will do more research on the connection between the two including some soul searching of my own.

Keep fighting, and continue to share your insights, thoughts, and feelings in your journal.  That will help you to peal away the onion of your PMO addiction.  You have made the first big step, you realize you have a problem and need help. 

Rex

Thanks kind sir
 

SlaveToRighteousness

Active Member
Hi Venom - The book "Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself From Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame" helped me a lot in my efforts to stop masturbating and looking at porn. Among other things, the book talks about masturbation/porn/etc. as examples of "sexually compulsive behavior" that is the real problem that we need to overcome. For most of us, our problem stems from looking to sex to heal emotional wounds that we experienced early in life.
 

LTE

Administrator
Staff member
Admin
Moderator
SlaveToRighteousness said:
Hi Venom - The book "Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself From Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame" helped me a lot in my efforts to stop masturbating and looking at porn. Among other things, the book talks about masturbation/porn/etc. as examples of "sexually compulsive behavior" that is the real problem that we need to overcome. For most of us, our problem stems from looking to sex to heal emotional wounds that we experienced early in life.
Let me second that suggestion.
 

Rex

Active Member
SlaveToRighteousness said:
Hi Venom - The book "Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself From Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame" helped me a lot in my efforts to stop masturbating and looking at porn. Among other things, the book talks about masturbation/porn/etc. as examples of "sexually compulsive behavior" that is the real problem that we need to overcome. For most of us, our problem stems from looking to sex to heal emotional wounds that we experienced early in life.

SlaveToRighteousness,

That is so very true what you said.  I am going to have to get that book, LTE recommended it to me but I haven't gotten a chance to buy one yet.  I hope I can buy it and download it from the iTunes store. 
 

LTE

Administrator
Staff member
Admin
Moderator
Rex said:
SlaveToRighteousness said:
Hi Venom - The book "Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself From Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame" helped me a lot in my efforts to stop masturbating and looking at porn. Among other things, the book talks about masturbation/porn/etc. as examples of "sexually compulsive behavior" that is the real problem that we need to overcome. For most of us, our problem stems from looking to sex to heal emotional wounds that we experienced early in life.

SlaveToRighteousness,

That is so very true what you said.  I am going to have to get that book, LTE recommended it to me but I haven't gotten a chance to buy one yet.  I hope I can buy it and download it from the iTunes store.
I know that they have it on Kindle.
 

Rex

Active Member
LTE said:
Rex said:
SlaveToRighteousness said:
Hi Venom - The book "Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself From Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame" helped me a lot in my efforts to stop masturbating and looking at porn. Among other things, the book talks about masturbation/porn/etc. as examples of "sexually compulsive behavior" that is the real problem that we need to overcome. For most of us, our problem stems from looking to sex to heal emotional wounds that we experienced early in life.

SlaveToRighteousness,

That is so very true what you said.  I am going to have to get that book, LTE recommended it to me but I haven't gotten a chance to buy one yet.  I hope I can buy it and download it from the iTunes store.
I know that they have it on Kindle.

Thanks...
 

LTE

Administrator
Staff member
Admin
Moderator
Rex said:
LTE said:
Rex said:
SlaveToRighteousness said:
Hi Venom - The book "Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself From Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame" helped me a lot in my efforts to stop masturbating and looking at porn. Among other things, the book talks about masturbation/porn/etc. as examples of "sexually compulsive behavior" that is the real problem that we need to overcome. For most of us, our problem stems from looking to sex to heal emotional wounds that we experienced early in life.

SlaveToRighteousness,

That is so very true what you said.  I am going to have to get that book, LTE recommended it to me but I haven't gotten a chance to buy one yet.  I hope I can buy it and download it from the iTunes store.
I know that they have it on Kindle.

Thanks...
You'll be even more grateful after you read it. :) It's written by a man that was every bit as hooked as we were, recovered, and became a psychologist treating the problem.
 

Viper

Well-Known Member
get this-


So my girlfriend spent last night with me.
She is aware of my reboot and I'm fortunate that she's supportive.
I think I may have given myself to much pressure because I was really
hoping to get stiff in the middle of the night as usual.
Or when I wake up like I did last time but I didn't  :(
Guess I just need to relax and maybe it will happen when the time is right


 

fcjl8

Active Member
How goes your recovery Viper? Hope all is progressing.

So great that you have a supportive partner to help with this! Lots of nice non-sexual physicality can really help, and when ready and you two feel right for sure, real intimacy can be just great for re-wiring!
 

LTE

Administrator
Staff member
Admin
Moderator
It takes time Viper. The point is to move in the right direction and you'll get better.
 

Viper

Well-Known Member
How goes your recovery Viper? Hope all is progressing.

I think it's easy going, but going. I have to have patience.
Thanks for asking



So great that you have a supportive partner to help with this! Lots of nice non-sexual physicality can really help, and when ready and you two feel right for sure, real intimacy can be just great for re-wiring!

I did have a breakthrough with real intimacy a couple weeks back.
I had just enough gas for her to give me oral for a few minutes.
But it's still progress because as I wrote in a previous post, I couldn't
get it up no matter how much she worked on it before.

Just for your info, my problem started happening during our relationship.
I don't know how it would've gone down if I had it before we met.
Probably wouldn't have made it to the boyfriend/girlfriend phase.

 

fcjl8

Active Member
That is a pretty positive sign of progress. I imagine there can still be an element of apprehension, will this work tonight? etc.

I am sure it is pretty hard to go with " just relax don't stress " as it would be natural to feel some degree of anxiety.

Do you exercise much? That helps me with anxiety and worry. Do you meditate? I find that helpful as well.

Sounds like your GF is a great lady, treat her well sir!
 

Viper

Well-Known Member
so yesterday morning, I was anticipating some morning wood spending
the night at my lady's place. It was getting semi hard but on the cusp of losing stiffness. She was awake but we
were just laying there.
I did not want to think of other women to stay excited and I never thought that I would have to focus this much.
Ahhhh, how carefree I was when I could get a boner at a moment's notice and thought nothing of it.  :-\

Anyway, didn't think she wanted to go down so I settled for a hand job.
For once it wasn't my hand.
Needless to say I busted all kinds of nuts and she was happy that I was trying.
She's also happy that I trust her with this issue because trust me, we may all be forthcoming,
but most men just aren't.
 

fcjl8

Active Member
Viper, that is good. Being with a lovely lady and having a physical connection. What can be better than that?

Give yourself time, it will get better the farther away from porn you go.
 

LetItGoAlready

Active Member
Hi Viper,

First of all, I just wanted to thank you for coming by my journal and sharing your thoughts. I really liked reading what you said here in your last post:
She's also happy that I trust her with this issue because trust me, we may all be forthcoming,
but most men just aren't.
I personally believe that sharing our darkest and most humiliating secrets with our partners can create a new level of intimacy. It is one thing to be forthcoming with an online community focused on rebooting but quite another to be forthcoming with your real-life partner.  I'm glad you were able to trust her with your ED issues and also glad to hear that she is supportive and understanding. Just the fact that she is involved says a lot about her and about your relationship, and I think it bodes well for your recovery in the long run.
 

Viper

Well-Known Member
Hasn't been my week. I'm thinking I'm going through the worst
part of the reboot. Just being uneasy, irritable, and anxious. Making mistakes at work and just some knick
knacks here and there not going my way.

A wise man once told me that this was going to happen.

 
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