Name your Shame [edited, cleaned up]

[Fappy]

This is a thread where you can clear your conscious of any porn addiction related actions you are not particularly proud of. We have all got some. Ive probably got more than you. An important part of the reboot process is to acknowledge the regret and shame of your addiction.


[Moderators note: after getting many PMs about this thread, and the recent posts about it, I've made the decision to delete all the explicit content. I appreciate that Reformed Fapper had good intentions, but it's doing more harm than good. I'm happy to leave the thread here for further discussion, but now it needs to be about general ideas, not explicit descriptions]

 

[malando]

Ok, I'm going to ask you guys to be a little careful here if you want this thread to continue. I think some of you are skating dangerously close to the edge of titillation. Sure, you put the "shame" rider on it and say you're disgusted with yourselves, but I'm detecting a bit too much amusement at your past exploits. And I think it's possibly feeding the imagination of other members and possibly making them more vulnerable to relapse. "Spoiler alert" or "might be triggering" is not enough of a disclaimer - and disclaimers don't indemnify you here. Please think before you post what you're really doing this for and why you are as graphic as you are being. Ask yourself whether this might be unwise for some of your rebooting brothers.

Fappy, I'll even ask you specifically, what's with the username, and the various variants you use to sign off your posts? Is that for your own amusement, or the amusement of others? What is your intent there? Self-deprecation? Seems like you're making light of your masturbatory habits sometimes. Again, think about other members and the kind of resolve they need to build in order to beat their problem. Flippancy can be dangerous. Especially when recounting stories such as you have. It almost sounds like you're kind of nostalgic for the old times apart from the fact that your dick stopped working. But then it other parts of the forum, you sound more serious. So, basically, what gives?

 

[bob]

If I am honest, I have to agree with malando.

When I learned about these postings, I went to the beginning of this thread to read more. It reminded me of all my exploits. I have plenty of shameful events where I acted out. Many were equally or more shaming then those described by others. And I started to come back to read more. I wanted to spend more time here. The only thing, I wasn't sure I was coming back for the right reason.

Don't get me wrong, i understand the feeling of knowing others have done similar crap. It made me feel I wasn't alone.

But when I started to come back with a intent to learn more, I decided that I needed to stop. Even if activities were in my mind, I need to get past them. I need to leave these activities and lifestyles behind. I still get triggered when I see certain things or come close to locations where I acted out. Those feelings aren't good. I need to move on.

For my own good, I decided to stop reading this post.

 

[Fappy]

Hi malando,
Thanks for your admonition.
I'm not making light of anything here. I'm dead serious.  There's nothing funny about porn addiction and the things it makes people do.
All I'm doing is saying it as honestly and directly as possible. I'll try to be more subtle so as to avoid triggering / offending anyone

 

[Billy40m]

Agreed Fappy - this thread has been with the best intentions but toning it down and focusing on the way some of these things made us feel is probably better than lingering on the detail too much.

You may have seen my thread I posted today. I am on holiday and struggling. It reminded me of one other shameful event I succumbed to after my last holiday. I took two photos of my WIFE?s sister (my wife?s sister??) and spent hour upon hour in photoshop creating the most realistic fake photos of her you could imagine. They looked like they were 100% real. I made them as though she was sunbathing topless on a beach.

I remember seeing her several times after that and having to remind myself that I didn?t actually know what her breasts looked like, it was completely made up, but my brain genuinely thought the photos were real I think.

It was only months later when I had (one of many) failed reboot attempts that I saw them before deleting them and actually started crying to myself. I can?t believe I sank so low, involving a member of my wife?s family, and someone I knew and respected. The realisation actually affected me quite badly and it led to a bout of depression which took me a good 2 weeks or so to break free from.

Never done anything like it since, and being on day 48 I have no intention of ever sinking so low ever again

Billy

 

[HumbleRich]

Hi all,

I also think that this thread kind of went off the hinges a bit.  I apologize if anything I wrote was triggering.  I tried my best to simply express how porn addiction can manifest in real life, with possibly destructive results .  My ability to connect with and socialize with women was seriously jeopardized by porn.  Leering lost me opportunities to practice social skills, make friends with women, and even interfered with romantic relationships.  It even lost me a job or two.  My sole purpose was to provide examples of that being the case, although leering should probably be discussed in its own thread.

Rich

 

[Fappy]

No don't worry,rich. Thanks for posting! It's good to see people honestly posting here. There's no sugar coating this addiction, it fucks people up. As can be seen in this thread

 

[Remington.22]

I couldn't possibly agree with Chaos Mind more.

Though titled as a 'chance to clear your conscience' thread this discussion in fact is not that. It is in reality just a series of posts by Reformed that are SERIOUS trigger fodder for the rest of us. By my count Reformed has posted eight of his own fapping exploits into this thread on the first page alone (I didn't make it thru pages 2 & 3 as I could feel the stimulation welling up & didn't want to further expose myself to the content) which was far more than all other posters combined.  Its borderline 'how & where I've fapped boasting' and, as one on the road to recovery myself, this is NOT helpful, beneficial nor useful. Could be just me, but I'd highly recommend admins to delete this thread. Reading about how and where a guy has been triggered, fapped and ejaculated in inconvenient fashion ...and reading about the various exploits over and over and over again... is really not helping. Its harmful.

But again - that's just me.

 

[HumbleRich]

Agreed Remington.  Should I, perhaps, copy and paste my posts into a thread about leering?  Would a thread on leering be at all useful?

Rich

 

[Remington.22]

Trigger removed

Case-in-point.

[Trigger Removed] - my ex-favorite. Didn't need to read this. IMMEDIATELY took me right back to a place I'm trying desperately never to go back to. I'm fortunate in that I'm at a strong place in this battle and I'm adult enough to exercise control over myself and simply not revisit, reread this thread. Although it was beyond 'trigger alert', I'm fine. But its others I worry about. The forum is constantly peppered with "I'm on day 5 and already failed" posters, guys struggling mightily and feeling very susceptible. I've over-stated my case here already, but can't help but feeling I'm far from alone here.