David S Journal

Day 68 - Still PMO free.  I do not even have urges to PMO it seems.  I'm still just concentrating on my relationship with me finance.  She just texted me, "You have exceeded all of my expectations that I could ever have, you are the most wonderful man in the world, I love you so much!!!.  My response, "It's called love and me giving more of myself than taking in order to make you happy is the new unselfish David who loves you dearly and who desperately wants to fly right.  Join me babe and we can fly right together as one."  I'm a very happy man.  I feel truly blessed. 

Dave
 
Day 89 - Still PMO free.  I haven't had any urges for PMO since day 68.  I'm still just concentrating on my relationship with me finance.  I'm getting married in May.  I now pray everyday to stay PMO and pray God leads me to be the man he wants me to be.  I do not believe in shoving religion down someones throat.  However, with that said I'm the happiest by far I've ever been in my life since I've recommitted myself to God.  I'm trying to fly right.  I was a scumbag for so long I lost my way.  You people are the best.  I commend both of those that are succeeding and ones who have failed but are trying to get back on track.  My best advice still is think once for change about how your actions affect others and yourself.  Step up and do something about it.  Ask for help.  When you get the urge, jump on this site.  Immediately get porn out of your mind.  Think of doing something else positive like exercising or something.  Stay the course and beat this thing not your meat, lol (Sorry had to say it).

Dave
 
Day - 121 - Still PMO free.  However, I thought about porn on the way home from the gym.  Why?  I maybe a little stressed.  I'm getting married in 10 days so maybe that's the reason.  I thought I should jump on here an journal my thoughts.  My libido has still not recovered.  I know it's still early.  I wish it would get better.  My desire is there.  I have a hard time keeping an erection without Viagra.  It's frustrating.  Anyways, hang in there everyone and if thoughts of PMO come in your mind, jump on here and journal it and then go  do something positive.
 
Day 144 - Still PMO free - I got married a few weeks ago.  The truth now I rarely ever think about or watching porn.  I have sex frequently with my wife so I'm lucky that she keeps me satisfied their is no need for PMO.  Anyways, I still plan I frequenting this site.  Hang in there everyone.
 

53nomorepmo

Active Member
David S. thanks for your journal, it is a real inspiration!  No more PMO for me.  It sure sounds like your good choices have had very positive results.
 
Day 147 - Still PMO free.  Thanks everyone for the positive comments.  When I quit PMO on December I was rarely ever getting MW.  Now it's happening almost every day.  I hope that is a good sign to come.  I've made so many changes.  I'm almost 51.  I lost 20 pounds since December due to a change in diet.  I do over 1000 pushups and 300 pullups per week, plus cardio.  I'm taking a lot of vitamins.  My wife is feeding me organic food.  I'm so blessed.  I can't tell for sure but I think things are slowly coming back.  I want everyone out there that reads my journal to not give up.  When you think of PMO do something positive.  Change your thought process immediately away from porn.  Find someone who loves and supports you and concentrate only on them.  Center them, not porn.

David
 
Day 155 - Still PMO free.  I'm feeling really good.  My erection seem like they are becoming harder.  For 4 weeks now I been staying hard throughout the act of sex.  This is a big improvement. I'm almost always waking up with morning wood now also.  Why?  Could be many factors.  I've been PMO free .  My wife is a Pharmacist and she feeds me an assortment of vitamins each morning.  She also feeds me mostly organic low-fat/sugar meals.  She swears that the chemicals (nitrates), etc are also causing ED problems.  Anyways, everything is going well and I hope my good fortune continues. 
 
N

notgivinup

Guest
Hey David....just found your journal today. What an inspiration. Thank you for your posts and thank you for staying strong.
You're a huge encouragement.

I'm looking forward to hearing more from you in your journey.

Thanks,
NGU
 
Day 175 - Still PMO free.  Over the last two weeks it seems like I've had a setback with the firmness of my erections.  Stress seems to be the culprit.  Things were better last night.  Stress definitely seems to play a part and it messes with my head.  I need to get the stress under control.  Anyways just checking in.  Hope everyone is doing well.
 
The last time I posted something was on June 18, 2015.  I was at day 175 being PMO free.  I had a relapse and I'm starting over.
Day 27 - Today is day 27 of my relapse.  I just finish reading the YourBrainOnPorn book.  So why did I relapse.  In my opinion, stress once again.  I let it get the best of me.  I thought I had it beat.  I'm glad to be back.
 
Day 28 - No morning wood, I'm irritable, depressed and I have stomach pains.  Man I screwed up.  Sucks starting over.  This reboot seems worst than the last one.  I did not understand the harm of edging and did not know how it is much worse.  I have to suck it up and stay on top of things and manage my stress.  I let myself down and I feel I let you all down.  I really felt like I was on top of the world and it this beat.  It shows you all fast you can fall with one slip up. One slip up becomes 2 and then three and then you fall down the rabbit hole again.  Sorry!
 

TK-421

Active Member
Hey Dave. Welcome back to the board, and sorry to hear that you're struggling. Do you mind sharing a bit about what happened after 175 days. It would probably be good for many of the guys here (myself included) to understand that mindset and how this can sneak up on you.
 
Day 33

TK421-So what happened?  Why did I fall.  I think the reason I was successful was during those 175 days I was planning my wedding.  I think that became my dopamine rush or at least it help keep me busy.  We got married on Maui.  After we got back I was doing good until mid-June.  Looking back I remember getting depressed.  It felt like a let down.  It is like when you are a kid and the minute Christmas ends and you have to go back to school.  Well I had to go back to life.  I starting edging because I thought doing so wouldn't not harm me much.  I did not read back then how harmful edging is.  It snowballed from there.  During the last year I did not PMO near has much so I have to admit I do not understand why I'm having a harder time getting through the flatline.  I know it's only day 33 but I thought I would be further ahead in my recovery.  My anxiety has not been bad over the last few days.  However, I'm dead and have no libido whatsoever.
 
davesaint86 said:
  It felt like a let down. 

I think this is  huge problem for me too. I have had times in my life where circumstances (in your case planning for the wedding) forced me to man up and invest in the relationship. But, then when the mission is accomplished look out. The first year of my marriage was horrible. I had a difficult time after the births of our children as well. Thank you for observing that dynamic. It is helpful to me!
 
Hello Guys!

Day 36 - Feeling pretty good so far this morning.  Don't laugh.  Friday was the fourth day in a row without having sex. Yesterday morning I woke up with weak MW.  Yesterday afternoon I took a nap and woke up with rock-hard w and had mind-blowing sex with my wife.  No pills either.  This morning though, no MW.  The good news is hopefully this is a sign of me starting to come out of my flatline.
 
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