Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet

Gabe Deem

Staff member
@ freefreefree90

How did exercise affect you reboot?

Well I have always exercised, but during my reboot I increased my time and frequency lifting, doing sprints, and tried to tighten up the diet as much as possible. I ate decent before my reboot and I have almost always been under 10% body fat, but during the reboot my whole mindset on life changed and I now wanted to be as healthy as possible.

Exercising affected my reboot in the following ways:
  • Relieved stress- Any stress and anger I had I would take out in the weightroom, and this happened to be a lot during my reboot as I was very moody and stressed daily.
  • Increased confidence - I have never struggled with confidence, but building more muscle and getting lean, and becoming stronger can never be a bad thing if not overdone.
  • Overall health- No need to explain that one.

But to be honest.... it wasn't so much exercising affecting my reboot as my reboot affecting my exercise. They helped each other.

With the reboot came more free time on my hands, literally, and increased motivation and concentration due to my brain returning to balance and being more sensitive to dopamine. I now could feel and see the reward in being productive and doing healthy things. I had to force it at first, as I encourage all rebooters to do, but with time you will start to see and feel results physically and mentally. Rebooters, and everyone for that matter, should at least exercise a few times a week in my opinion.

I was thinking about getting into a consistent running routine which I thought would help me with stress/dopamine but I think I read on ybop that it's strength training that really helps. Do you have an opinion on this topic? Should I do one, the other, or both and what would be most effective?

You should do both! However, intense anaerobic exercise has been shown to increase D2 receptors. I do about 40 mins weightlifting a day, then do sprints and abs once or twice a week. But yes, do both. I highly recommend it. It will help.

@ Goldy
could you please tell about your workout schedule during the reboot and do you believe exercising makes the reboot easier and faster as it helps to deal with anxiety and depression.

Yes it most certainly helps with the reboot, and is a healthy thing to do for anyone to maintain a healthy mind, and body.

I will upload a workout video on RebootNation when I get the time, but my workout schedule is fairly simple. I have a 4 day cycle I go through.

Day 1 - Chest and Triceps (Push ups, incline dumbell press, decline barbell press, dips, cable flys, tricep extensions with the rope, skull crushers)
Day 2 - Back and Biceps (Pull Ups, Lat pulldowns, dumbell rows, T-bar rows, curls)
Day 3 - Shoulders and Abs (Lateral dumbell raises, seated and standing dumbell presses, shoulder machine, sit-ups, scissor kicks, leg raises, planks)
Day 4 - Legs (squats, lunges, deadlifts, leg press, hip abductor, hip adductor)

I do cardio 3 days a week for about 10/20 minutes... nothing crazy. I prefer sprints and high-intensity interval training.

I'll post a more in depth workout routine when I get some time along with a video. Hope that schedule helps though. You basically just want to give your muscles a few days to rest, it's a body builder routine, but in my opinion the healthiest for health and longevity. I have some of the workouts I do with my bootcamp class I teach in this video -

@ lookingahead

Have you battled bitterness and regret over robbed youth, stolen childhood innocence, and wasted life?  If so, how did you overcome it?

Originally yes, one of the reasons I was in a deep depression during my reboot. All the thoughts of me wasting my life on video games and porn consumed me. That combined with not knowing if I was ever going to recover had me thinking about (although never coming close) suicide. However, once I found out there is always hope because our brains can change our entire lives, combined with starting to regain balance in my brain my depression went away.

There was a very, very dark period during my reboot, where all the thoughts stated above were running through my head during sleepless nights, panic attacks, and severe brain frog. At times regret was all I thought about. I caused a lot of people pain in my life because of my selfish actions and lifestyle of pursuing my pleasure over others needs. But..... that was all during my reboot. Towards the end of my reboot something beautiful happened. I found a purpose for my life.

I want to help others. I want to encourage kids not to make the same mistakes as me. I want women to know they are better and more valuable than porn will ever be. I am now thankful for my reboot and the fact that it woke my ass up. I now have a story to tell. A story of a guy who pursued lust over love, and ended up feeling numb, broken and lost.

I now see beauty in my suffering and I know there was a purpose in it. It is clear to me now. Is there any remaining regret? At times yes, but those are more centered around the fact that I wish I hadn't hurt people. If I could go back and remove the pain I caused others I would in a heart beat. The fact is I needed to go through pain and think about death, in order to be able to appreciate pleasure in life.

Life goes on, for all of us. We can all make it out of this. Some will stumble and fall, as no human is perfect, but as more and more of us make it out of porn's trap, I hope and pray that the light at the end of the tunnel will shine a little brighter to those still digging, so they can see there is hope and a way out.

Gabe Deem

Staff member
@ Supersaiyan
how long did it take for you to start feeling the benefits of quitting (Benefits that are no related to ED) such as increased motivation, etc. And did you at any point struggle with insomnia?

Really didn't feel a much until around month 6. The first sign of improvement was about 3 months when I started getting morning wood again. Then a little libido, motivation, and clear thoughts started showing up around month 6.

Yes, I experienced insomnia on and off during the reboot. After the first week or two I got hit with extreme anxiety and went into a deep depression and had my share of sleepless nights. Reading and learning about addiction and the brain, as well as reading success stories and advice really helped calm me down.

@ grzeg12
As we know you go a lot of time without orgasms, and when you start having sex regularly (regular orgasms) do you have some problem with frequency? Did so much time diminish your ability to having frequent and satisfied orgasms?

When I first started having orgasms I could tell I still needed a little time before I started having an orgasm every day. I slowly introduced orgasm back into my life by spreading them out at least a week at first. After a few more months, around month 15, I was able to have multiple orgasms a day without going back into a flatline. I did not want to overdue it too soon, I suggest guys spread out their orgasms once they are ready to have sex and just take things slow.

@ nomorefapalexander
When you were in a flatline, how were you feeling overall emotionally?

Numb, depressed, disconnected from my dick, tidal waves of stress that would come and go, suicidal, frustrated. Pretty much the worst emotions I have ever experienced for several weeks at a time. BUT, as I learned about the brains ability to change, and read success stories, I began to be filled with hope and determination that I would go as long as it took and never give up. Then once I started to feel libido and motivation, the passion I had for life came soaring back.

@ PorNO
I wanted to ask you about if you have any particular self-help book or technique that you found useful during and after your reboot?

The book I read during my reboot, that I encourage every rebooter to read, is The Brain That Changes Itself by Norman Doidge. Chapter 4 is phenomenal and he describes porn induced ED. It came out in 2007 I believe. The whole book is full of very powerful personal stories of people overcoming things with brain training etc. That book gave me hope.

The single most helpful thing during my reboot was reading success stories. Knowing I wasn't alone and that there was hope.

Never give up, because your brain never stops changing.

Gabe Deem

Staff member
@ davemustaine13
at what point during a cold turkey reboot would you suggest throwing cuddling, socially interacting in a flirty way etc into the mix? Is it advisable to go full on "monk mode" for a certain time frame?

As soon as possible! Guys need to think about this in terms of neuroplasticity. We can start re-wiring our brain to a real person immediately, plus, when going through the first few weeks of the reboot cuddling and kissing might help ease anxiety with a healthy amount of neurochemicals like oxytocin - the bonding chemical.

However, staying away from intense sexual stimulation is usually wise for a few weeks/months for guys with porn-induced ED/DE. Put simply, going a period of time without an orgasm is usually beneficial.

Here's why: The first brain change that probably reverses itself is desensitization (numbed reward circuit). The second brain change that reverses itself is probably sensitization (deep pathways in the brain that programmed you to need porn for arousal).  This is why we see older guys who did not wire their brain to high-speed internet porn recover faster than younger guys who did wire their brain to HSIP.

The older guys regain their brains sensitivity to dopamine and can hear dopamines message to get excited, the younger guys have deeper pathways, so they not only have to regain sensitivity to dopamines message, but they have to give those porn pathways time to fade away.

I do think "monk mode" is beneficial, but again I wouldn't say that means you can't have contact with a woman. I see "monk mode" as avoiding all intense stimulation, like watching porn, having an orgasm etc. I was re-wiring my entire reboot with my girlfriend, and was spending a lot of time with my friends and at work.

I always say there are two stages to a reboot. 1st rebooting, regaining sensitivity by avoiding intense stimulation. 2nd Re-wiring, connecting with a real person, reinforcing neural pathways for your partner. I still stand by this, except now I suggest rewiring is also a part of the first stage of the reboot, minus intense sexual stimulation, for example forcing sex and erections.

To summarize: Go a period of time without orgasm or forcing erections, while at the same time if possible engage in "light re-wiring" like kissing, cuddling, massaging, flirting. Then continue light re-wiring, while adding in sexual contact. You still may want to avoid orgasm for longer by having Karezza style sex - slow, gentle, passionate sex without orgasm. Then ultimately as you feel better and better you can introduce orgasm back into your life slowly.

That is what I experienced and have seen to work best for most rebooters.

@ lookingahead
At what level of intensity did you start watching porn?  Did the addiction develop gradually over time or were you instantly hooked at first sight like a hit of crack cocaine?

It developed as my access to it developed.

When I first say that playboy magazine I instantly was consumed by sexual thoughts. However, it wasn't anything I would consider abnormal. I was just a young boy who liked naked girls and couldn't wait to grow up and have sex regularly.

Then came cable TV and it developed into an addiction where I would neglect sleep just to stay up all night watching soft-core porn on TV and masturbate (I went through puberty super early in like the 5th grade). Always looking for new shows, or looking to learn something new about sex. I would check the TV guide for new shows coming on, and as soon as one squiggly line show would end I would get a burst of excitement as a new show would start up.

Then, my addiction really took off at age 12 when we got high-speed internet. I escalated into more shocking genres as I had unlimited access and could watch what ever I could find or that my friends suggested because they had found it.

In terms of time spent viewing I actually cut it back as years went by and I got better at finding what I wanted. But the escalation I saw in my addiction was in terms of what I was watching. What I was needing to get off became increasingly shocking.

The intensity I started with internet porn at 12 was as high as it ever was though, I mean I had seen just about every genre before I was out of middle school. I would watch porn for sometimes 2 or 3 hours. I just escalated genres and developed dependence on porn to be able to get an erection over time. However in high school and college the amount of time I spent watching porn per day was usually never longer than an hour total.

@ BreakTheCycle
In your videos you say that you *knew* you would/could never go back to porn.  I can't seem to reach this state of mind.  I know it is harmful, and it has caused me a lot of pain over the years, but I can't seem to accept that I can never look at it again.  It's pretty much the only thing that makes me feel good anymore.  How do I achieve the mindset that I can never look at it again?

I cannot answer this question for you. I can only tell you what happened to me. I reached that mindset when I realized a combination of things were because of my porn use.

When I realized my porn use caused-

  • my penis no longer working
  • the pain I had caused many girls, and myself
  • the way I viewed and treated those girls, as well as the things I encouraged them to do with me (stuff I saw in porn)
  • my lack of drive and motivation
  • my inability to feel emotion and genuine arousal

All of this hit me like a ton of bricks. The feeling of having a limp noodle while a beautiful girl you care about is doing everything she can to give you an erection, is, well.... something that made me never want to watch porn again. I realized that whatever pain I went through during the reboot process, was nothing compared to the pain I would experience if I continued to watch porn. And as a result of that realization, I realized that not watching porn meant that I actually would eventually experience more pleasure.

I daily tell myself this: Staying away from porn will not result in me missing out on pleasure. It will result in experiencing more.

I only crave P because I want to feel that rush.  Forget about shit for a while.  I don't get that rush from anything else in my life.  Do I really have to live without it?

Here's the deal. You only get that rush from porn because porn changed your brain to the point where it is the only thing that will give you that rush!

You can feel that rush in other things in life once you have rebooted your brain and broken free from your addiction to porn. The "porn is not an option" mindset only happens when you realize that a life away from porn will bring you more joy than your life with porn.

With that said, addicts who have severe hypofrontality, or really weak executive control, may need to take drastic measures to get through the first couple weeks of rebooting by using blockers,or avoiding the internet altogether.

If you can't get to that mindset... then resort to external help... until you get to that mindset.

Gabe Deem

Staff member
@ lookingahead
if someone who started young like me doesn't get a girlfriend or someone to get physical with in some way, is it possible that I could be stuck in a flatline forever?  Or would it just mean it would take me much much longer to rewire?

Short answer,

I don't know.

Long answer,

Some "long term rebooters" have reported that getting physical with a girl and/or having an orgasm woke their libido up. Others have reported that their libido slowly came back after going a long time no O. From what I have seen so far, I'd say it is best for young guys with ED to go a while with no O, (for longer rebooters anywhere from 2-6 months) while re-wiring.

I do not know of a rebooter who has gone multiple years with absolutely no relapse and no orgasms so I cannot say for sure if it would work or wouldn't.

When you are "rebooted" it can be very hard to tell because the only way to know if you no longer have ED is when you no longer have ED. I had no idea I was recovered until the anticipation of sex gave me an erection. I only knew because I was spending time with my gf and re-wiring. Maybe I would have felt super horny one day if I kept being abstinent, maybe not.

One thing to think about is this, you do not have to have sex to re-wire. Things like cuddling, kissing, touching, and maybe thinking about real girls can re-wire you. And we have seen this work for young guys before, so there is no need to lose hope. We know what works. We just are not sure yet if going no O for a really really long time will always cure the flatline. I suggest at least spending time around girls and maybe pursuing a loving partner.

Another suggestion for long rebooters. If you are still in a flatline after a very long time of no O and no relapse, maybe try training your dick to respond to your gentle touch alone. If you can get an erection to your hands touch alone, then you are one step closer to being able to have a partner touch you to give you an erection.

Last random thing to try would be to go a day or two fasting.  Fasting = no food, but lots of water.

Now, this sounds crazy, and you want to make sure you are otherwise perfectly healthy, but I fasted for almost 3 days towards the end of my reboot and I feel as if it helped me. If you do this you want to make sure you pick a time you have absolutely zero responsibilities and can get away for a bit to avoid being stressed. I took off a day of work to make it a 3 day weekend, and my cousin and I went to some cabins in the woods. While there I read 3 books, enjoyed nature walks, meditated, studied this addiction and just drank lots of water. I stayed off all electronics. I cut off all intense stimulation if you will for a short period of time.

The night after I ended my fast I had two wet dreams the same night... very weird. But a sign that something was going on. Anyways, make sure you read up on it and are perfectly healthy if you try it.

We know our brains can change forever, long term rebooters need to be proactive with this in mind and pursue recovery rather than sit around and wait for it to show up.

@ TryingToTruckAlong
I know its not linear but I wanted to know that since you said you were feeling better at 6 months did you still have bad days and brain fog up until 8 months where you said everything went away and all you had to worry about what your dick?

Oh I still had bad days alright. I was in and out of flatline up until 9 months. Even after being fully recovered I have had some bad days... which is normal as a human being. I still noticed longer refractory periods after an orgasm for a while, at least up until 15 months. A lot of guys will tell you they continue to feel improvements for a while after being able to have sex. I felt improvements in mental clarity and motivation for at least 15 months of recovery, if not more.

I want to know if you think that some people could actually have to go through 2 years of these symptoms like PAWS withdrawl from other substances or do they just have other issues not related to porn?

It is very likely that after a year of rebooting depression and other issues are not directly related to porn consumption. We need to realize that depression has been around long before internet porn. With that said, the rebooting process alone might cause depression and anxiety. Being a young man with a dick that doesn't work is scary, frustrating, embarrassing, sad, painful, and can be very stressful especially when with a partner waiting for you to recover or wondering why you have a dysfunction in the first place. I know this was true in my case.

I cannot stress to you guys enough how depressed and anxious I was during the middle of my reboot. But it was probably a 50/50 kind of thing. Half being porn related brain changes, and the other half just being sad about my limp dick situation. I lean more towards the porn related brain changes because my flatline was so bad and took what seemed like forever.

So no I do not think porn related withdrawal symptoms are still occurring over a year of no porn, except maybe a flatline. Any depression and anxiety after that point is probably the same anxiety and emotions a non porn addict would feel in our same situation simply because it is a sad situation to be in.

@ Glide
what stopped you of seeking help from a doctor as if you're going through clinical depression? , Success stories, the book The Brain That Changes Itself, God, and my girlfriend.

Gabe Deem

Staff member
@ JG55
Do you have any advice on building willpower?

Willpower is a hard thing to understand... As no one can fully understand it. My opinion, is willpower grows through experience and understanding.

There are two types of experiences. Good ones and bad ones. I believe that all humans are after their own happiness, they just pursue it through different ways. By that I mean some people live selfless because they believe that way of life will bring them joy. Others live selfish, because they too believe that way of life will bring them joy.

I think willpower is wisdom in action. When you have experienced things in life, and gain a deep understanding of how that affected you and others, then I think your "willpower" grows to do the things you want to do.

That's why you hear people say "I quit when I hit rock bottom.." because they EXPERIENCED something, and now UNDERSTAND the impact that something has on their lives.

To be clear, i realize this is a huge over simplification of why we do what we do, and there are other things like hypofrontality (weak executive control) that play their part too. But overall I believe it to be true.

Now the point in all that is to say, in my opinion, the best way to build willpower is to get out and live, laugh, and love and experience things and learn from them.

@ dangolinternetman
After fully rebooting, have you experienced this "superpowers" (whatever you wanna call it) feeling consistently, like every day? Is it really just a return to being "normal."?

Rebooting does not give you "superpowers," it only gets your brain back in balance so you can feel your full potential.

A young guy who has been addicted to porn the majority of his life will likely feel better than ever, as we've never truly experienced life without being numbed and wired to pixels. Real world people, beautiful places, and everyday emotions for the first time, or once again, become pleasurable.

As one wise rebooter put it, "Removing porn doesn't give a man superpowers, it just takes away his kryptonite."

@ lookingahead

What I'm confused about is what would cause you to be sexually active if your life was so consumed by porn?  If you were abusing porn since before puberty and that was your only sexual outlet, what had motivated you to woo women and get them in bed?  It just seems to me that porn and sexual relationships are mutually exclusive, especially for someone who started as early as you.  Trying to get with a real girl, getting to know her, and eventually getting her in bed would involve at least some degree of anxiety and motivation, but porn is a killer to that kind of motivation.  What was the difference between your sexual motivation when you were an addict, the motivation while you were rebooting, and the motivation after you recovered?

Well, I was always confident, and I had my first girlfriend when I was 8, and I always have valued and desired a real life relationship. You will hear me say the line "I didn't have issues that drove me to use porn, I only had access and I liked looking at naked girls." Now that is true, I never turned to porn because of self-esteem issues, or because of stress, or anything like that... but I did have other issues like being way too prideful, selfish, and I elevated sex as if it was the point of life.

What helped me out tremendously was the fact that I was also very social growing up with lots of friends. I was a pretty good basketball player, was going to play in college, so that helped me with confidence on and off the court. I always talked with girls a lot since I was a kid/teen so I developed flirting skills and conversation skills. Porn greatly influenced my behavior in this as well. For example, I had phone sex as young as 6th grade. For me, my porn viewing at a young age led to pride in knowing a lot about sex. To add to that I developed physically much earlier than most guys as I went through puberty around age 11... I was sexually active at 14. So, this led to even more pride, not anxiety, although that was certainly still there in healthy amounts.

Unfortunately this recipe combined to make me primarily a over-sexual, cocky, douchebag teenager. I was pursuing pleasure in all the wrong places that wouldn't leave me with lasting joy. I was chasing lust and not love. Even though deep down I knew I wanted love... I didn't know at the time that what I was doing - constant video game playing and porn watching - was hijacking my desire and motivation to seek out real relationships.

So the fact that I was social, active, confident and had a great support group of friends and family, was what kept me from completely being a shut-in jerking my days away, though I still did plenty of that. However, what did end up happening to me over time was my motivation to pursue real girls became less and less... and my brain drove me to my computer screen more and more as it was easier and more stimulating. This happened subconsciously on a neurological level and I didn't consciously realize it. Looking back now I can clearly see how porn was raising the bar of what I needed to become aroused.

So the big difference for me was experience. I grew up talking with, flirting with, and pursing real girls. Many guys on the forums didn't ever get that experience so they are not as confident in this area, which then leads to anxiety and nervousness. The best thing to do during a reboot is simply BE AROUND real people and force yourself to gain social skills.

With experience comes confidence. With confidence comes attractiveness.

I do not know a single guy who sits around all day reading about how to be good with girls, who is actually a cool guy that is good with girls. The guys that are good with girls have been talking with them for years and simply know the right way and right time to make comments, and the right time to not say anything. A guy will not be comfortable in social situations until he puts himself in social situations and simply enjoys it without over thinking everything. The skills/confidence will come with time.

What was the difference between your sexual motivation when you were an addict, the motivation while you were rebooting, and the motivation after you recovered?

The big difference is my libido and sexual energy once again pulled me to be around a real girl, not go home, open up my laptop, drop my pants around my ankles and search for pixels. During my reboot I felt like crawling in a hole and crying... which I did at times. You have to embrace the pain of withdrawal, and the pain of awkwardly fumbling through awkward situations in social or intimate situations... and it hurts... possibly for a very long time... but it gets better. The ability to feel pain and emotion is part of what makes being human so beautiful.

Gabe Deem

Staff member
@ Deebz
I looked up "soft entry" and accidentally came upon some hardcore images. I looked for about a minute...didn't PMO, didn't really feel anything. I'm relieved that I didn't feel the urge to PMO, but I am also kind of concerned that even this didn't excite me. :/

The key here is you were not intentionally seeking and searching for porn, which is the behavior we want to avoid as that reactivates some of the same neurological pathways of anticipating a reward, and the behavior of searching for a reward, namely porn to arouse us. So, the fact that you were not intentionally looking for it, combined with a possible flatline/changed mindset regarding porn, I do not think it is anything at all to worry about.

I know I can now stumble across porn without reacting much to it, especially if it didn't match the type of porn I escalated into. Don't sweat it as getting turned on by pixels is not what you want in the first place.

I am 256 days into reboot, I O'd once at day 129 with masturbation device.  I plan to do it again in next few days. that MO experience didn't put me back into FL and it actually made my penis sensitive. that's why i am thinking to do it again at some stage
however i also believe every time you  MO is a relapse because it MAY involve crave pron, thing porn is equal to watching porn, i believe it. so do you think I should do it?

While it is true that MO "may" activate some of the conditioned porn pathways because they are tightly linked over several years, it is NOT the same, or equal to watching porn.

I personally avoid M because I feel like it kills motivation and drive for me not only pursue and connect with real people, but also to be productive. But whether or not you MO or not during your reboot is up to you.

@ RickCastle
I just wanted to have the pleasure of intercourse without ANY fantasy, but DID NOT want to O as I did not want to break my REBOOT too early in the process.

First off, having an O with your partner does not "break" your reboot. A reboot is going without artificial stimulation, so having sex does not break your reboot.

This has happened for the 1st time in my life. I could have cum easily had I so intended. But I deliberately did not. In my opinion I was doing Karezza, but am not sure if Karezza involves just kissing and cuddling or penetrative sex like this also OK.

Yes this is Karezza, and is not the same as edging as edging means holding off from O on purpose, getting close to climax and pulling back over and over again.

Also, I don't fully understand the whole Dopamine mechanism and would not want to cause any further neural damage due to this.

The word damage should not be used in my opinion. Rather the word "conditioned." Porn-induced ED and DE are due to desensitization and sexual conditioning and this is not necessarily damage but rather a temporary condition that can be reconditioned. Sure it's just semantics, and you could also swap the word reconditioned with repaired, but the main point is having sex with your partner is not causing brain damage. The novelty and shock of internet porn  can keep dopamine levels higher than one real partner can, and is not the same as you are conditioning yourself to a person and not pixels.

@ IHatePornSoBad
Do you believe that I should stop the edging (stop-and-start) routine? When I do this routine, I really do keep the philosophy of this YBOP and YBR in mind by not engaging in fantasy, but rather focusing on the sensations I feel.

I'm personally not a fan of any jelqing or anything similar. My advice would be to stay away, and is unnecessary, and may cause more harm than good. Other than testing to see if you can get an erection to sensation alone my advice would be to leave your penis alone while rebooting. It's up to you though.


thanks for posting this. its very helpful. can you be specific about the type of social anxiety that you experienced. what kind of symptoms did you notice in yourself. Also, was their a specific game that you were addicted to as well? i play an online computer game called runescape and its been very addicting for me as well.


Thanks Gabe these posts of yours are deeply riveting and moving!  This is the place I go now in my recovery to Reboot Nation.  I rarely surf the internet anymore.  Thus this website is a Godsend!  I have my damn moments still!!!!  I once heard a skilled doctor declare "Always a student" and he was in a sobriety group!  Therefore I am learning to always be a student and as I have learned in this nation "To keep truckin" as well!  Many thanks 


Active Member
mr.awesome said:
is it possible to rewire without someone? i'm always busy with college and i don't think im going to meet somebody very soon ( :-\ .. (technical education, mostly only dudes)

the principle of rewiring is to connect with people so no you can't do it by yourself.
The fact that you have a technical education might make it harder for you to meet girls than if you were in a class composed at 50% of girls but it is not an excuse.

Gabe Deem

Staff member
@ persian29
can you be specific about the type of social anxiety that you experienced. what kind of symptoms did you notice in yourself.

I felt uncomfortable in social situations, over thinking everything, felt like everyone was watching and judging my every move. Really just stuck in my own head, not being able to relax and enjoy the moment letting words freely leave my mouth. I became nervous and for the first time in my life was "trying" to be normal, where as before it was something I didn't give much thought and being around people felt more natural.

was their a specific game that you were addicted to as well?

Yea, I've always been into first person shooters, but through college it was the Call Of Duty series. Here is a montage I made jacking around on Call of Duty Mw2 -

@ mr.awesome
is it possible to rewire without someone? i'm always busy with college and i don't think im going to meet somebody very soon

There are over 4 billion girls in the world, so don't let that excuse control you and your attitude about finding a girl to fall in love with. You'll have to get out of your comfort zone, and hit up some social events, or the gym as much as possible. There are many opportunities out there.

But to answer your question... probably, if you have severe porn-induced ED. I cannot give you a solid answer on this, but thinking about a real partner in a real situation may be beneficial, although I personally would only rewire with my partner. I think, unless pied is severe and high-speed started before age 12, there may need to be some rewiring with a real person, although I cannot say for sure as we have not gathered enough reports on this yet. Here is a post that might provide some further insight -

Kopp is right though. A reboot without rewiring is only unwiring. Regaining sensitivity is have the battle. Establishing healthy pathways is the second part.

I never watched porn but started masterbatio very tender age. Now real women cant turn me on also without errection i was doing M for 10 Years now from 50 days i am totally without it.
My questions
1. Will i be turn on for real girls like before?
2.Should i stop watching my office hot girls?
3.Should i stop sexting?
4.Should i stop fantacizing?


Hey Gabe , my name is Robert an I've been rebooting since July 15, 2014. I was a masterbaition/porn addict since the 6th grade and when I started dating in high school I could not get it up. When my porn tastes started to go outside my sexual orientation I got scared and decided enough was enough. Now a few months in, I have made small recovery steps such as a few times of morning wood and being able to get semi hard when thinking of a girl. But I also have had a few wet dreams. I watched ur video and u said wet dreams are just natural, but a few of those dreams contain homosexual things and I feel disgusted when i wake up with my dick all wet. Its gotten to the point where I've been depressed because I question my own sexuality. I also am afraid of sleeping because I don't want another gay wet dream. (I'm anti - gay but I always thought I was straight). Please give me some advice. Today was my birthday but I am depressed as hell :/. I feel guilty the entire day because I had a few "weird" wet dreams. I need help man. I can't sleep at. I stay awake all night.


Active Member
I wake up almost every morning with a boner that could be used as a jackhammer to break concrete

Post a video please? I totally think it would go viral and get a lot more guys into nofap! What a talent!

Your posts are inspiring, but I wonder, do you try to mostly avoid TV and video games? I ask because I just watched the just over an hour long video on the YBOP homepage right now and heard Gary's explanation of how they result in users producing rewarding dopamine for useless activities. This seems like a pretty good explanation of why there seem to be a lot of directionless, loser type guys (like me) out there (as discussed in Zimbardo's TED talk).

Now, given what that talk (the YBOP one) said about people not reading the FAQ and such like, I've looked at the entries on the FAQ and all the questions you've written and answered in this thread (but not all the actual answers) and I don't think this question has been given enough attention.

I always used to think geeks watched a lot of TV and played a lot of computer games because they were geeks (and that I was a geek). I still think that there's some truth in that because if you excel at sport, for example, you're more likely to play it in preference to video games than if you suck and simply have nothing else that's fun in your life. However, I think there's bidirectional causality there now, because playing video games (and watching TV and using porn) keeps you in the directionless path because you don't develop any useful skills or talents that could become "fap free activities" or fix any social skills deficits that stop you socialising more because your useless activities satisfy your need for achievement and productivity. i.e. modern media is a slippery slope that attracts directionless people and keeps them directionless.

FWIW, I'm a pretty hard hardcase and I intend to phase out TV and video games. Perhaps not completely, because I'm not addicted, but I intend to significantly decrease my usage whilst increasing my real world activities. Now that I think about it (or perhaps now I phrase it like this) I remember seeing this sort of advice on this site (do "real" stuff), but avoiding video games and TV doesn't appear anywhere I can see in the FAQ or this thread (from looking at the titles of the links), so I thought you could expand on the how's and why's. If you do find where this is in the FAQ/site, don't you think it should be easier to find? Specifically, I think the FAQ should contain an entry entitled "what to do with your time now that you're not fapping" or something similar.


Active Member
So, I found the answers to my questions, in this video:

and this thread:

You said:

I was constantly around real people during my reboot. I spent countless hours with my girlfriend dancing, kissing, laughing, holding hands, cuddling watching movies, touching, occasionally things got sexual...I was constantly trying to be as healthy as possible and replace the void in my brain with new healthy pathways. I don't talk about it much, but I also gave up video games and cut back on all forms of entertainment.

So I guess I have my answer. It's hard to accept that I have to give up just about everything I currently enjoy in life and have spent most of my life doing, as well as that I'm going to have to face my fear of socialising in a big way, because it now seems that if it isn't a major feature of my life then i'm not going to be healthy. Hopefully this attitude is like quitting porn (for me); initially it was hard to accept, leading to relapses, but now I can clearly see that it's the only option because I know my life will be better without it. So I'm hoping i'll come to accept a healthy social life and healthy activities as essential with time.

If you want to add anything anyway, feel free.


Active Member
rcl5354 said:
Hey Gabe , my name is Robert an I've been rebooting since July 15, 2014. I was a masterbaition/porn addict since the 6th grade and when I started dating in high school I could not get it up. When my porn tastes started to go outside my sexual orientation I got scared and decided enough was enough. Now a few months in, I have made small recovery steps such as a few times of morning wood and being able to get semi hard when thinking of a girl. But I also have had a few wet dreams. I watched ur video and u said wet dreams are just natural, but a few of those dreams contain homosexual things and I feel disgusted when i wake up with my dick all wet. Its gotten to the point where I've been depressed because I question my own sexuality. I also am afraid of sleeping because I don't want another gay wet dream. (I'm anti - gay but I always thought I was straight). Please give me some advice. Today was my birthday but I am depressed as hell :/. I feel guilty the entire day because I had a few "weird" wet dreams. I need help man. I can't sleep at. I stay awake all night.

You are ok man

You're not gay. You just need to continue rebooting.

We all have very very strange dreams

Gabe Deem

Staff member
  • @ Temple_of_peace
    Tell us please how is your state of mind at the moment?

    My state of mind at the moment is clear, motivated, and joyful. This past weekend I spoke at a youth conference alongside some professional athletes and I had 7 teenage boys come up to me and say they are done with porn now, so that's good. I thought I could have done a better job with my presentation. I am my biggest critique, and always want to better myself now. So I am motivated to improve my talking points, and continue to learn what I need to about porn's potential negative effects in order to be useful voice for our movement.

    My state of mind is good. I'm actually reading at Starbucks at the moment, thinking about/trying to decide what my next Reboot Nation YouTube video will be.

    When you see women, are you oogling at them or are you just turning your sight away from them?

    Neither usually. I'd be lying if I say I never stare and check some bodies out, but most of the time I just acknowledge beauty and think to myself how beautiful a woman is. My thoughts have become less porn-like, to the point where porn related thoughts hardly cross my mind. Not perfect though... no man is. The longer we go without objectifying people, the easier it gets to see people's emotions, and personalities, not just bodies.

    I'm in a horny phase these days and every thing I see related to women just give me a strong horny sensation. Is that bad for rebooting? Or simply should I start approaching them, or ignore them.

    Feeling those sensations is normal. No they are not bad for rebooting. Yes, I would use that drive to talk to, hang around, interact with real people. My advice is always to pursue a loving partner, and stay away from using someone for rewiring. We crave love and intimacy and human connection. Go after it if you desire.

    @ e46_F

    Please offer some quick tips on rewiring. Obviously we shouldn't orgasm, but is there anything else we should watch out for? How long did the rewiring take you?

    There's a few things I did when I was rewiring.

    [list type=decimal]
  • Avoid having too many orgasms, or having an orgasm early on in the reboot.
  • Focus on touching, kissing, breathing slowly, being passionate, feeling the emotion. This is totally different from when I would have porn style sex and just start going to town ramming my dick into my partner like they were a object for my pleasure. Rewiring is a great chance to teach your body how to "feel" and become aroused differently.
  • Avoid anything that specifically reminds you of porn. There might be certain positions that make you think about certain porn scenes, or certain things your partner does that might make you think about porn scenes. Try and avoid those for a period of time so your brain can focus on your partner alone and not wonder into porn memories. Obviously this won't be perfect, but I'm sure everyone has a few things they specifically picked up from porn that would be beneficial to avoid. For example, I avoid cumming on my partners face these days, and anal sex. Things I didn't desire before I heavily got into porn.

The main thing is to teach your body how to become aroused differently, without the need for porn scripts, novelty, and pixels on a screen. This will lead to greater connection with your partner both physically and mentally.

Hope that helps. Much Love[/list]


Well-Known Member
Gabe Deem said:
When you see women, are you oogling at them or are you just turning your sight away from them?
Neither usually. I'd be lying if I say I never stare and check some bodies out, but most of the time I just acknowledge beauty and think to myself how beautiful a woman is. My thoughts have become less porn-like, to the point where porn related thoughts hardly cross my mind. Not perfect though... no man is. The longer we go without objectifying people, the easier it gets to see people's emotions, and personalities, not just bodies.

Thanks for posting this.

This is how I feel sometimes too and sometimes I ask myself a question, is it OK to be, well, reacting to how other women look. Oggling has been a massive issue in my addiction, switching off P turned on oggling a lot in my case. So reacting to these other women feels as a leftover of addiction for me. It's different and usually less intense now, that's for sure, but still it happens. What you write sounds simply like a very honest account. I am a married guy, so it also plays a role - I know it may sounds strange, but I sometimes think that there is some kind of pressure on married guys to only be looking at their wives. That's a tad unrealistic. But I'm also aware it's no a solution to only look at other women... The truth is, what was once brought in one topic here on RN, that objectification touches upon you own woman and on other women - objectifying all of them inevitably will lead to problems. Learning to understand and live with feelings is central. It seems like the only alternative.

Gabe Deem

Staff member
@ NeedHelp1
Once i heard flatline was where the healing was done, do you think people can heal without a flatline stage?

The good thing about a flatline is you typically won't have cravings to use porn or want to fantasize about porn, so it will be "easier" for you to let your brain reboot. If you're not reinforcing porn pathways, and you are establishing new real world pathways, your brain is recovering and rewiring, this happens both outside the flatline and inside the flatline. Yes, many people recovery without the flatline, it certainly isn't necessary for recovery.

The weakening of unwanted neural pathways, and the strengthening of wanted neural pathways will happen regardless. Without chronic over-stimulation of the reward circuit desensitization should reverse itself. The reason behind the flatline is unknown at this point and hasn't yet been studied. I wouldn't worry about it bro. Keep trucking'


I just turned 15 and asked some people about ED and if I had it. Thy said a person my age cannot have ED. I don't understand how a person my age can have ED. In your videos you mainly talked about the age group late teens and early twenties. I have the same symptoms as it so how could this be?