Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet

hey Gabe since my relapse (74 days straight) I have been having trouble getting back on the streak (2 days here 4 days there) and have been trying for the last 21days should I refrain from orgasm with my partner for a couple weeks to try and get myself back to where I was? when I orgasm with her compared to porn it is honestly a night and day difference between feelings and am starting to realize that if I pmo I feel sluggish and depressed about myself but if I do with her I don't have as much as a hangover or anything I feel great and like a man the way it should be right?
 

RAMI

Member
Hey Gabe, first of all thank you so much for what you're doing with this site and spreading awereness about the harmful effects of porn use.

I'm a month into my reboot and my girlfriend decided to end our eight-years relationship because she wasn't feeling the same feelings towards me. She basically said she can't be anymore with someone who's lacking a drive and motivation for life in general.

My problem is that my already existent anxiety and depression bacause of giving up porn skyrocketed and it's combined with the pain, anxiety and depression of having lost my life partner. I'm having a really tough time dealing with all this feelings but I'm determined of never going back, all of this was me hitting rock bottom.

My question is, how can I keep with the process of rewiring since I no longer have a loving partner?

Thank you so much.

P.S.: I'm sorry for my English, it's not my first language.
 

Gabe Deem

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@RAMI,

Sorry for the delay. I let this topic get away from me and hadn't checked it.

First off I'm glad you're here, and I'm extremely sorry to hear about the relationship ending. I'm a believer that everything negative can, over time, be turned into a positive, even if we can't see or understand how for a while. So I hope the experiences you had with her and the relationship ending can be turned into a positive.

My question is, how can I keep with the process of rewiring since I no longer have a loving partner?

In my opinion you shouldn't worry about "rewiring" unless you have a partner... so my advice would be to continue to avoid artificial stimulation and reboot, and then, when the time comes and you have a partner again then rewire. Some guys have said that realistic fantasy helps them rewire. Thinking about real people and realistic situations that are not porn scripted. However, in my opinion that isn't the best path to recovery, I say "if it ain't real, no deal."

Here is a post where Gary and I share some thoughts: http://yourbrainonporn.com/do-i-have-have-sex-order-rewire

Hope it is helpful. And your english is fine  :D
 
Hey Gabe, first of all, thanks for everything. Reading all your stuff has made me feel very hopeful. I'm 100% sure i have PIED. After you completely recovered, were you getting rock hard, 10/10 erections on a consistent basis (when aroused/having sex)? And were your erections easy to get; as in you didn't need much stimulation and they pretty much just got up by themselves and fully hard without you even thinking about it?

I've had short streaks (1-2 weeks) but keep failing because i get anxious and scared that i'm never going to recover. I start off being super motivated and with the mindset that i can do this. But when i have a moment of weakness, i eventually end up relapsing which i hate. When I watch porn, i get hard but not 100% and i require stimulation to keep me hard. But every now and then, i get a libido rush like no other and i feel super turned on and it's amazing how my dick gets a mind of its own and just fills up fully (and stays completely hard) without no stimulation whatsoever. I want these kinds of erection on a consistent basis and when i'm with someone but a lot of the time i'm just not 'that' turned on and my libido/sex drive seems lowish. After reading and watching a lot of stuff about PIED, i know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and i will get cured eventually. But yeah, every time i get to a 1 or 2 week streak my brain keep tells me to go back to porn and test if i've recovered and see if I can get that spontaneous rock hard erection. And when i don't i get disheartened. A little advice/motivation could help a lot! Thanks again :)
 

mike510

Member
Hey wus up Gabe..I been clean from porn for a year an 3 months now an I want to thank you for helping out on my journey..I barely started having sex again.back then when i was a porn addict I had the delayed ejaculation problem an now I been having premature ejaculation.I'm thinking because I haven't had sex in a long time..what are some ways or tips to get rid of premature ejaculation? Thanks again Gabe. Your my hero bro
 
Hey Gabe. I was on hardmode from last two months and it was going great. At the end of first month I started having vivid dreams as well as morning woods. Morning woods kept on getting better n better through the second month. At the end of second month my penis was not shrink anymore and sensitivity was coming back. Then last week I got a BJ and I reached orgasm. After that day i am not experincing any hard morning wood(may be 50%). I have lost my motivation and mad at myself why i chooses to go for orgasm. I have not relapsed to Porn anyway and I also dont have any urges to go back to porn. I just want to know after orgasm i have been facing flatline and still making progress or I am back to day 1? Any suggestions from anyone will be great help.
 

Gabe Deem

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@Icandothis1102
After you completely recovered, were you getting rock hard, 10/10 erections on a consistent basis (when aroused/having sex)?

Yes. After the 9 month mark. I was cautious for another half a year and tried not to have tons of orgasms, and spaced them out for a while. And I continued to feel mental benefits for up to 2 years.


@Jimthejones
do you watch tv now?

Yes. Usually just shows on Netflix with my girlfriend, or the occasional big sports game.

@mike510
I'm thinking because I haven't had sex in a long time..what are some ways or tips to get rid of premature ejaculation?

My advice would be to have slow gentle sex, without the end goal of orgasm in mind. This type of sex is called Karezza and you can google it to read up on it. I found this helpful to me in combating post reboot premature ejaculation. Conditioning your arousal to "take things slow" tends to be helpful to rebooters struggling with this. Also, intense exercise and meditation often times are helpful for PE, if you're not already doing those I'd start regularly including them in your daily routine.

@Iwillbeatit
I just want to know after orgasm i have been facing flatline and still making progress or I am back to day 1?

Of course you're still making progress, and no, you're not back at day 1. Avoiding artificial sexual stimulation is the goal, and rewiring to a real partner, which is what you did. Experiencing a "flatline" is common after orgasm during the reboot, I experienced this as well from months 6-9 in my reboot. My advice is to space out your orgasms (not necessarily eliminate) and read this article and listen to the advice in contains within: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/porn-recovery-and-mysterious-flatline

In the end you're going to have to decide what is best for you and experiment based on how you feel. Remember, as long as you're not reinforcing the arousal pathways to pixels on a screen or any artificial stimulation, you're progressing through recovery. Hope the best for you. Much love and keep truckin.
 

Vito Paez

New Member
Hi Gabe, i have a kind of out of the blue question, because is not really about porn addiction, but after cutting my  porn use back in 2015 (i?m from Argentina, and i m 31 now) i have read the Gary Wilson?s book, and i?ve been on the forums and reading a lot of the information about this addiction, and at some point i also came across the Cupids Poisoned Arrow book, about Karezza, and even though i dont have a girlfriend, i have been very intrested in this different approach to sex, i was wondering if after leaving behind your addiction if you have a new approach to sex all together? i saw that sometimes you mention Karezza for the new recovering people, but are you still using it on your regular basis? or was it just something you did at the beggining?

Its kind of hard to express my self quite right in english but my main wonder is something like:  ?how do you approach sex right now years after quitting porn? just kind like regular people? like regular people but with a bit of Karezza? ?just Karezza?

i would like to hear your thougths on this...., i think its kind of, like pushy question, because i m not asking about your addiction recovery, or recovery advise, i?m more kind of asking about your intimate relationship life, but Karezza its a very interesting topic right now for me, and maybe you have no problem discussing it.

Well, thanks for the videos and advice you gave! (i translated a couple of those)
and thanks for reading! and regards from Argentina!
 

Irvin

Active Member
Hi Gabe.

I've known this page for 4 years now, and found it googling about my ED of course.
Previous sexual experience: 3 years of constant sex (3 times a week, with short refractory periods, raging boners no problems, long lasting and so on, this is age 17-20)
8 months of no sex, daily PMO (1-2 times in average, regular vanilla porn nothing serious), next thing you know i cant have an E with a much more beautiful girl.
4 years later (now, aged 24) with same girl, no much progress, never P or M for the past 4 years only intercourse, Erections are only good when i have sex continuously for 10 days everyday lets say.
Otherwise it still sucks big time. Fit, non-smoker, non-drinker, checked by several physicians, urologists, cardiologists and results came great they all cant find whats wrong :D

Had two 100+ days hard modes, otherwise have 2 - 3 times a week sex with the gf, with erections differing and PE present. Tried cold showers, nutty food (when i say tried, i mean for a longer period of time) some meditation, kegels and everything i read here. Now focusing on rigorous exercises every second day..

I really have no clue what  to do next. Talked to her in the past, she was like i dont notice any problem and so, but ofc thats what a girl that loves you would say :)
Several wet dreams in those 4 yearts (like 6-7), boners only when sexually active that period otherwise flatline. Other symptoms include weak memory, mood changes..

I look forward to hearing from you. All the best.
Irvin
 

dshresth

New Member
What do you suggest for people who are not good with women? I've been attempting noFap for two years and the most I've gone is 2 weeks. I know that fapping causes inferiority complex, but in my case, I've realized that even without fapping I have certain personality quirks that push girls away from me. Due to that reason, I get back into depression and fap again. It definitely seems hard especially for men who are not able to score a healthy sexual relationship with a girl. Furthermore, after not fapping you definitely become more sensitive to certain things in life that seem to hurt you more and throw you off balance. Sometimes I feel as if porn is the only drug that can calm down my nervous system. I definitely do work out but it eventually for me there is no other way to achieve sexual gratification other than by masturbating even if I don't watch porn. I wonder what guys who are not as naturally charming and outgoing and with a huge inferiority complex due to emotional hurt from the past refrain from using porn when their nervous system just won't calm down. Sometimes I feel as if I will do something insane if I don't watch porn as there just seems to be no way to physiologically calm down the nervous jitteriness.
Apart from that I am taking medications for my mental health conditioning and suffer from a bit of PTSD that also tempts me to watch porn.

Any advice or words of wisdom on this matter would be great..
 

Gabe Deem

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Victor Paez said:
i was wondering if after leaving behind your addiction if you have a new approach to sex all together? i saw that sometimes you mention Karezza for the new recovering people, but are you still using it on your regular basis? or was it just something you did at the beggining?

I would say yes, my approach to sex has changed. I care more about mutual pleasure and connection, rather than just trying to "fuck" and bust a nut - basically reenacting a porn scene. I care more about what my partner wants to do, compared to my younger years where I would think more in terms of what I could get my partner to do for me. As far as Karezza is concerned, I no longer do it. Although I fully support anyone who wants to, and I think it is awesome. I highly recommend it for those who are trying to rewire.

 

demajster

New Member
Hey Gabe,I love your Story.It is really unique and there aren't that many stories in type of information about porn addiction.I have 162 days without pmo and just started to feel my libido come back since day 145.
Would be nice if u could answer my questions:

1.How long did your depression, social anxiety take to go away completely ?

2. Did your depression, social anxiety go completely away at once or gradually?

3. How long did your libido take to get to max level that you feel until now?

thank you

 

Oden92

Member
I have no successful sexual experience or a gf .15 months into reboot from severe pied.what should I proceed to come out of it..morning wood is nearly everyday with 80 to 100% but couldmt masturbate to touch alone or while standing up.erection is possible for touch while lying in bed
 
Gabe Deem said:
The pleasure porn offers is cheap, temporary, and does not sustain you. It only hooks you, numbs you, and takes from you the one thing it promised, pleasure.

Goddamn that is a great quote. As I read your intro, I felt a slight trigger, but this reminded me of my motivations for abstaining from P. Thank you, Ozuki!
 
Hi this is harry
25 virgin..i have a severe ed..failed to have sex with many girls from age 21-24. I came around this forum and thanks to you i know my ed cause.
I completed my 35 days without porn but did masturbation twice because of video sex with my partner . I do video and audio calls as i am a sailor working in merchant navy so i have to stay 6months away from her.

I get sometimes hard morning woods.sometimes weak. And get good erection during video calls but looses it all when i stand up.

I just need to know is video sex with partner is a subtitute of porn??
 
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