Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot

Brad1971

Member
Hi Patrick, I'm a fellow gay rebooter,  but I'm just getting started on the path (I'm just under 2 weeks in). I haven't had a chance to read your whole journal yet,  but looking forward to doing so. I think we are just about the same age- I turn 49 in March. Also,  I saw you're from Germany and interestingly I've been studying German for several months.  I learned the language in high school but forgot most of it, so I had to basically start over again.

Porn is so normalized in the gay community that I think it can be harder for us to reboot and avoid relapse.  Hang in there! You have had some real success and have built a strong foundation.  Good luck in the days ahead,  I'll be thinking of you and sending you positive energy.
 

marsturm

Active Member
Thanks, Brad, highly appreciated :)
I so much hope that this time I can stay away for good. Good thing is I'm 100% willing to let go if the urge arises. I'm done! And I remember that a few years ago I managed a 9 month streak, so I won't die if I go on with abstaining... Have a nice porn free day!
 

marsturm

Active Member
Hi Shade, Thanks for asking.

I feel pretty good, and I know I'm worth it. What really helped me was surrendering to God, and I don't mean it in a religious way. I just couldn't take the relapses anymore. So I started to totally surrender to Love. And something inside me changed. I hope it stays that way, and I take it one day at a time.

Wishing you all the best on your jouney to freedom!
 

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
Hey Patrick,

Great to read you're doing well! Love in general, but more importantly of yourself might even be the number one thing that is needed to truly change yourself!

Keep up the good work, i'm rooting for you!
 

marsturm

Active Member
Hey Shade and Joel,
Thank you so much for your encouragement! I really appreciate it a lot. Wishing us much love and freedom from our addictive behaviours.
Have a great porn free day, guys!
 

marsturm

Active Member
3 months porn free! Yahoo! Best streak I've ever had for some years. Praying to make it to 4 months. One day at a time.

It enormously helped me to totally surrender to God and trust that He/She/It can take away my compulsions and obsessions. So far, I'm grateful for the results. I didn't do it. Only surrendering helped.

Good luck to you all and keep on truckin' :)
 

marsturm

Active Member
Thanks, Shade, and I've fallen off the wagon today. I got triggered through a YouTube thumbnail and then it went downhill. Now I'm asking myself what got into me, and the answer is horniness and insecurity. But I have to say that I feel calm and steady because I know this isn't the end of my story and that God can do it.

I honestly believe that offering it all to God is my road to salvation. When I'm connected to this Higher Power nothing can face me. So my hope is that I can rest longer and longer in the Divine's presence. As they say in spiritual teachings "Resting in the I am."

Wishing you all the best on your journey to freedom and love, peace, and happiness!
 

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
Well Patrick,

That does suck, but im glad to see you are up on the horse already! I think that you already know that a relapse is a bump in the road to a porn free life.
It's part of the journey and can be a learning experience and you have found what works really good for you.

So, keep it up man. I'm rooting for you
 

marsturm

Active Member
Hey guys, Just visited the Nation because of the site update and I like the new look. So I've been busy staying sober and I don't know when I became sober last year but I definitely haven't had a relapse this year, yay! I can honestly say that I'm not doing anything of this, but God has taken over after I invited him to take my life into his hands. (And I was sooo fed up with P!) Currently I feel balanced and well. I said goodbye to many expectations (relationship, boyfriend, moving house, change of job), and instead I'm focusing on being at peace with where I am. I used to run away from everything and now I stop and smell the roses more often. I believe that if God wants me to change something, I'll get an inner knowing of what to do and when to do it. One of my favourite prayers is "Please help me to stay sober." Keep on trucking, guys!
 

Phineas 808

Well-Known Member
Hi Patrick! You may remember me from back in 2014-16 here on RN, my user name was "Leon" (my journal was, "The End of All Flesh").

Good to see you, and you were one of my favorite users to interact with.

Grateful to hear you doing so well!

Blessings.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Hey guys, Just visited the Nation because of the site update and I like the new look. So I've been busy staying sober and I don't know when I became sober last year but I definitely haven't had a relapse this year, yay! I can honestly say that I'm not doing anything of this, but God has taken over after I invited him to take my life into his hands. (And I was sooo fed up with P!) Currently I feel balanced and well. I said goodbye to many expectations (relationship, boyfriend, moving house, change of job), and instead I'm focusing on being at peace with where I am. I used to run away from everything and now I stop and smell the roses more often. I believe that if God wants me to change something, I'll get an inner knowing of what to do and when to do it. One of my favourite prayers is "Please help me to stay sober." Keep on trucking, guys!
Nice to hear someone come back here to report how well they are doing. Very inspirational. You are awesome!
 
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