lyon03
Respected Member
Thanks for sharing Patrick. I'm not that far ahead of you in reboot so please take my comments accordingly. I feel that porn addiction and the emotions/habits that result in a porn addiction are a bit like a first language. For example, you can spend your whole life living and working in English, but you'll always have an accent. And if you get stressed or angry, you'll revert back to your first language: German. The same applies for addiction I believe. Our first language/habit is addiction: PMO. We can spend our entire lives in recovery, however, when stressed our coping mechanism will never change. I wouldn't get too upset about what happened yesterday because you just fell back on old habits, or your first language so to speak. Like you, I too am in early recovery (96 days). This is a relatively short period of time for me to live PMO-free given my almost 15-20 year porn addiction. My old habits die hard. For example, yesterday I was on a mission to have sex with my BF but it didn't happen. I started down the familiar path of isolation, resentment, anger etc. Through reboot, I've learned several valuable lessons:
1. I cannot hide nor run from life's pains through my drug of choice (a sexualized screen).
2. I have identified the memories/emotions that led to my addiction.
3. I now cope with these feelings immediately before I walk down the path to relapse.
So what am I trying to say? If you are a like me, you need to identify what you were feeling before you did this:
"I had the fantastic ??? idea to write back to a guy who had contacted me via couchsurfing.org (BTW this site has enabled me to have semi-anonymous one-night stands with my hosts, and I can see that I can act out my addiction anywhere.) Anyway, the whole set-up around maybe meeting this guy for a night out got me REALLY excited, mixed with a desperate feeling of "Will I ever find someone for rewiring" and "Everybody has sex, and I don't. I need to be better, more attractive, time's running out, I'm 45 and need to get laid blah blah blah..." BAD start into the day!"
I'd recommend reading "Breaking the Cycle" by George Collins. He has specific techniques to work through what you're feeling before you act out. Again, I am no expert brother. I'm just sharing what worked for me. For example yesterday I was HELL BENT on having sex with my boyfriend. But it didn't happen. My inner addict starting acting up so I worked through what I was really feeling. I know I won't die if I don't have an orgasm, but sex/sexuality are my first languages. So I reverted to "He doesn't love me." which deep down represents feelings of self-hatred, inadequacy and isolation. You reached out to friends to deal with the core problem. That's a victory my friend! I dealt with my problems by mentally working through them, then hitting the gym, and finally posting here.
So in conclusion, I'd simply reach out to your friends before you start using a screen for a dopamine hit. By getting ahead of your triggers/addiction, you'll feel a whole lot better. You've got the tools, now just remove the screen time as your coping mechanism. Be well my friend. SEMI-SEXUAL WEBSITES ARE NOT AN OPTION.
1. I cannot hide nor run from life's pains through my drug of choice (a sexualized screen).
2. I have identified the memories/emotions that led to my addiction.
3. I now cope with these feelings immediately before I walk down the path to relapse.
So what am I trying to say? If you are a like me, you need to identify what you were feeling before you did this:
"I had the fantastic ??? idea to write back to a guy who had contacted me via couchsurfing.org (BTW this site has enabled me to have semi-anonymous one-night stands with my hosts, and I can see that I can act out my addiction anywhere.) Anyway, the whole set-up around maybe meeting this guy for a night out got me REALLY excited, mixed with a desperate feeling of "Will I ever find someone for rewiring" and "Everybody has sex, and I don't. I need to be better, more attractive, time's running out, I'm 45 and need to get laid blah blah blah..." BAD start into the day!"
I'd recommend reading "Breaking the Cycle" by George Collins. He has specific techniques to work through what you're feeling before you act out. Again, I am no expert brother. I'm just sharing what worked for me. For example yesterday I was HELL BENT on having sex with my boyfriend. But it didn't happen. My inner addict starting acting up so I worked through what I was really feeling. I know I won't die if I don't have an orgasm, but sex/sexuality are my first languages. So I reverted to "He doesn't love me." which deep down represents feelings of self-hatred, inadequacy and isolation. You reached out to friends to deal with the core problem. That's a victory my friend! I dealt with my problems by mentally working through them, then hitting the gym, and finally posting here.
So in conclusion, I'd simply reach out to your friends before you start using a screen for a dopamine hit. By getting ahead of your triggers/addiction, you'll feel a whole lot better. You've got the tools, now just remove the screen time as your coping mechanism. Be well my friend. SEMI-SEXUAL WEBSITES ARE NOT AN OPTION.